Happy New Year's!

Dear Lord,

On January 1st, would you make me into a new person and give me a whole new heart? I really don't want this one anymore.

I want new goals, new dreams, I don't even want to recognize who I am right now.

I want a new future. One in which I can wake up every morning and look back without regrets.

I don't even want my memories.

I want new ones. All of the old ones end badly.

I know that's probably not something you're going to do... But if you won't, will you forgive me for all of my mistakes, and at least restore all The broken pieces of the one I have now?

In Jesus' name I pray, Amen!

And God answered me and said,

A Surprise Date

Good morning, World!

This morning, when I got off work I came home, only to find a friend waiting for me in my driveway.

"Let's go get coffee," He said.

I was tired. I really didn't want to go. But, I shrugged and said, "Sure. Why not?"

He said, "Go put your purse up. This is a test in trust." My phone was in my purse. I looked at him for a moment to assess the situation. I knew the guy. I respected the guy. And, he had never done anything to make me question his character before. But, I am NOT a trusting person.

I thought about it for a moment...and clutched my purse. He smiled a defiant smile and said, "Seriously. Go put your purse up."

So I did.

Mostly because I am curious. Curiosity always takes the lead on any other emotions I have.

So, we went to McDonald's and sat at a table and I just looked at him at this point...feeling REAL uneasy.

My purse was at home. So was my phone. And, this guy had never done something like this before with me. And, now I'm sitting there looking at him when I'd rather be at home resting. What was the deal? I asked him.

He burst out laughing. He said, "I KNOW you! You would NOT be at home resting if I had not come by. You would be at home SULKING."

I asked him what made him think that.

He explained to me that recently, I had had a big change in my online demeanor. I had totally turned into someone else. He said, "You recently lost your job. You had a bad Thanksgiving. You are broke. And, you have said it more than once that you needed a night out. I have seen this before. I know the signs."

I asked him what else he thought he knew. LOL

He just looked at me and raised his eyebrows. Then, he laid into me a lecture that lasted at LEAST 20 minutes. All I could do was listen and smile. Finally, when his coffee (and my tea) were done, he said it was time to go.

I'm like, "Really?"

He said, "Yeah. I did what I came here to do."

Okay.

He brought me back home and opened my car door to let me out. As he walked back to the driver's side he stopped, and turned around and said, "I have some advice for you. I don't know if you will hear it. I don't know if you heard anything I said earlier...but I'm going to give it to you. Do whatever you want with it, but I think it will help you."

I raise my eyebrows. "I'm listening..."

"I doubt that, really, but here it is: Stop sulking. You have LOST yourself. Go clean out whatever closet you have to and find yourself again. Until you DO, things are not going to get better."

Hmmm.

I hadn't realized it. But, maybe he was right. I've trusted him this far. Come to think of it, maybe that is why he had me leave my purse at home.

I came home feeling more stressed than when I left...but at the same time, it felt good that someone took the time out of their busy morning to just come by and say, "Get your head out of your rear-end".

I think I'm going to take his advice.

I thank God for Angels in disguise.

God's Will

Hello, World!

Well, I'm proud of myself. I made it through another Friday night at Pitt Grill.

I'll be honest, though, my game was a little off for some reason. But, I survived it, and so did my customers. And, so did the waitress, Luanne. She kept me on my toes with patient nudging.

I really want to thank my friends who have been so supportive of me lately. It really means a lot to have a cheerleader when you don't feel so cheerful.

Because of them, I am more confident than ever right now that I am on the right path.

And, I know I have a Great and Mighty God who has plans for me. Not sure what. But then, I guess it isn't my business to know. I'm just a piece of clay in the Potter's hand. And, I know and have faith that whatever He has planned for me, it is in my best interest.

Sometimes I am saddened because I think I can do better than He can, and I get disappointed when He shows me how ignorant I am. But, I always admit my mistakes and end up accepting whatever He says I should have. That's life. Not for my glory, but Thine, O Lord!

I have to work on New Year's Eve, so Ya'll come out and help me bring in the New Year in Style!

Love ya'll.

Have a blessed day!

Loving Myself Again

Hello, World!

I will be working tonight again at the Pitt Grill. I hope you guys come see me!

And, I've decided to finally make some much needed changes in my life to get back on track and keep my focus where it belongs.

The past six years I have been happier than I have ever been in my life. These last few months I have been reminded of how easy it is to disrupt that happiness when my focus is on things that I have no business focusing on at the moment. So, I've put some things to the side to revisit at a later date to see if I need to re-adjust again when life is better suited for those challenges -- and IF life is better suited.

The experience I've had, however, taught me a lot about myself. It made me realize how vulnerable I still am, how weak I am without God, and how much I have grown over the last six years. It made me realize what I am ready for and what I am not -- so it has not been entirely wasted.

I've also made some great friends in the process, and have learned to deal accordingly with each of them in order to maintain who I want to remain to be.

I've learned also that love has no boundaries and that even when it isn't reciprocated, it is still fulfilling to love. I've learned that my capacity to love is far greater than I ever anticipated, and that true love is purely unselfish. I've also learned that if I don't love myself, then loving anyone else is a wasted effort.

I am looking forward to going into 2020 with a new attitude and new vision as well as a new focus. I plan to take care of some much needed business and get my finances back in order by the end of the year.

And, I plan to be a TRUE friend in a way I have never been before.

Ya'll have a blessed day!

Letter to My Avon Customers

Dear Avon Customer,

Avon has recently sold it’s business to a company in South Korea that has made changes to how Avon does business. The earnings level has thus changed, as well. This makes it harder for me, as an Avon representative to make enough money to sustain the business and pay the bills doing things as I have done them before.

So, that being said, I am now only mailing out the small sales flyers and on-hand sales letters (they are cheaper and it saves on gas). If you order from one, I will deliver your order personally, and you will get a full catalog with your order. (Bowie County, TX residents ONLY)

I am also implementing the service charge of .75 cents on each order.

As always, you can go online to http://www.youravon.com/shondaponder and see the full catalog as well as the full range of products for sale there and order online and get your order directly delivered to you from Avon. I still get credit as long as you order from that link, and orders over $60 get FREE SHIPPING! (No matter WHERE you live!)

During 2020 (Happy New Year!) You will get points for every item you order through me personally. Each point is worth .25 cents to be spent any way you want on your next order, or you can accumulate the points to be spent at any time in the future. (Bowie County, TX area residents ONLY)

Thank you for continuing to be a loyal Avon Customer, and I REALLY appreciate your business!

Shonda Ponder,
Avon Independent Sales Representative
903-293-4257

P.S. Refer a friend and get 10% off on your next order!

Christmas Wine

Hello, again, World!

Me and the guys went to mom's today for Christmas dinner. It was fun. I really REALLY needed it.

And, mom got me some fluffy house shoes!

I also got a set of stainless steel knives,

and some kitchen towels, a bath towel, a bathroom rug, and some hot chocolate, a couple of movies and some popcorn. And my sister gave me some home-made candy.

My nephews killed some squirrels this morning they grilled and smoked. It was part of our dinner. I enjoyed that, too.

And, I got a bottle of blueberry wine.

I decided to drink a cup. Before I took my second sip,

I had officially had too much.

A friend I was talking to said, "THAT is just plumb WRONG!" LOL

Christmas was much better than Thanksgiving!

My thought for today, though,

I am too old for new regrets.

I hope yours is just as blessed.

Merry Christmas

Hello, World!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

I had to work last night until 6 AM this morning. Then, I came home, let the dogs out, and went through my Avon boxes and bagged up some gifts for the family. I'm playing Avon Santa today!

I will take a short nap, and then, me and the guys are going to my mom's house for Christmas dinner. Then I'll come home and try to take another nap before I have to go to work again tonight.

Yeah...it's a rough Christmas for me.

I'd rather be in bed. Sleeping. Until after the New Year.

This year has been REAL depressing for me. I am praying for a better year in 2020.

I am, however, grateful that God has seen me through the year. He has provided for all my needs. (Even if my bills ARE a little behind this year...)

I still need Him to heal my heart.

Ya'll have a blessed day and a VERY Merry Christmas! Stay safe!

Happiness is a Choice

Hello, World!

Yesterday, we had our Christmas party at work. We played a game with our gifts (Dirty Santa) where if we didn't like what we got when we opened it, we could claim someone else's and trade it. I got some Minty bath salts, bath oil, and bath bombs. I kept mine, and I am looking forward to taking a bath today.

I forgot to take my vitamins last night before I went to work, and I SURE feel the difference!

The Serenity Prayer asks God to grant me the serenity to change the things I can, accept the things I can't and wisdom to know the difference. Well, once you get to the acceptance stage, I think the difference is obvious. LOL And, I think I've finally reached that stage.

It's funny, though, how knowing the difference doesn't mean anything when you believe in God. But what we fail to realize is that the only one who can change anything we can't is God. So, we spend a lot of time trying to talk ourselves into accepting things we can't change, KNOWING we can't change it, but not being willing to give it over to God, either. Peace is obtained when we finally give in and let go.

Now I'm to the point of "What will be, will be."

I am enjoying the solitude of my room since I moved everything in here. I find I can focus on things a whole lot better. And, I am looking forward to working on more personal things on my day off now.

Ya'll have a blessed day! And, remember, happiness is a CHOICE.

===

We had a great layout in our tiny restaurant!

My manager, Julie, bought a cake with all our names on it. I thought she should have included her own, since she leads the team! But, she didn't.

I got a Bath Salt set in the Dirty Santa game! I am SO looking forward to using them!

Another Blessing

Hello, World!

My mom called me today to ask me what I wanted for Christmas. I jokingly said, "Lot's of money!"

She said, "Well, I can't do THAT. You OWE ME money!"

LOL...I said, "I know."

Then I told her, "I just want Christmas dinner with the family. That's all." So, she told me when to show up.

Truthfully, that's all I REALLY want.

Thanksgiving was SO disappointing to me this year. I don't want a repeat for Christmas. I don't think my heart could handle it right now.

After we hung up, I immediately, upon afterthought, called her back. I told her, "Get me some fluffy house-shoes." She asked me what size. LOL

I have to work on Christmas, so it's going to be a hard day, as it is.

I moved my desk into my room this morning, for more privacy and comfort while working on my computer. I can now listen to my Christian radio stations when I want to, and not have to worry about the guy's TV watching being interrupted or interrupting me during my meditation time.

I delivered all my Avon yesterday, and paid some bills. And, I loaded my car with some more Avon to carry with me in my box for more cash sales.

I wrote the forward for Mr. Langston's book, "Connect the Dots" and sent it to him. I hope it is what he was looking for.

I prayed. Fervently.

And, talking with a friend about my recent "Forward", I came away with a thought:

People tend to shy away from the struggle. They tend to prefer "playing it safe". It's easier. Less dramatic. Less risky. BUT...what if the struggle is actually the blessing?

Somehow, it made me feel better.

There is a reason for everything. Nothing happens without a purpose. And, one day, I'll look back at today and realize that I needed this for what I will be going through when that happens.

Doesn't make "this" any easier; but it does make it more bearable.

Moving on...

The lady at the Family Dollar asked me "How are you doing today?" to which I replied, "I am blessed."

She said, "I like that answer. It's refreshing."

I smiled and said, "It doesn't matter how I feel. I am blessed no matter how I feel."

Have a blessed day.

Relief

Good morning, World!

My manager at work finagled it so I could have tonight off after all! I'm glad. I have to wash clothes. All my uniforms are dirty...and I hate rushing to get things done on work days.

I'm going to get a nap, then I have to go deliver some Avon today, Hopefully!

Then I have to go to the bank and Walmart for some basic necessities (I'm out of laundry detergent and toilet paper...sigh)

Then, I'm going to come home and RELAX and enjoy my time off!

I also sold $10 worth of Avon out of my box today! WooHOO!

I also need to stop by the library and print out some mailing labels so I can start my mail campaigns.

Ya'll have a blessed day!

Graveyard Anxiety

Hello, World!

Had an "eventful" night at work last night. I had to call an ambulance for someone (no, it wasn't the food. LOL) But, it upset me to the point that my chest and back started hurting, I became short of breath, I felt like it used to feel when my gall-bladder attacks started coming on...but I know it isn't my gall bladder since I don't have one...LOL

I don't have history of high blood pressure or heart problems so I assume it was anxiety...or a real bad case of indigestion. I'm thinking probably the latter, but with all these unfamiliar emotions I've been going through lately, there is a high probability for anxiety.

My manager let me go 10 minutes early but I didn't make it out of the store before making a trip to the bathroom to puke my guts up...

Got home and took 2 antacids...and about 10 minutes later I could finally breathe normal again. I texted her to let her know I was okay. LOL...WHEW!

My Avon customer who ordered over $80 worth of Avon wants her order before Christmas. I told her I couldn't promise that because I had to make sure that the last order was paid for first...so she handed me the money to pay for it. LOL...I submitted her order this morning to be delivered in approximately 3 days.

Because we are short-staffed at The Pitt Grill, I will be working straight through for the next couple of weeks probably without a day off. I had the choice of moving to 2-10 shift, but I chose to stay on Graveyard. I like it. And, my customers like me.

I asked one of the regulars, "What do YOU think, should I stay on Graveyard or go to 2-10?" loud enough for my manager to hear. He said, "Oh, no, you need to stay RIGHT where you are!" LOL...

When you are good, you are good! What can I say?

Pray for me.

Have a blessed day!

Destiny

Hello, World!

Today, I got some rest -- finally. It was forced rest, but it was rest, none-the-less.

When I came home from work this morning, I laid down, tired from work all night, and went to sleep. When I woke up, only 2 hours had passed by. I refused to get up, even though I was awake. I laid there and eventually went back to sleep. I woke up every two hours or so, and repeated the process until at least 7 hours went by. Now I am up.

I have now determined to move forward to take care of the business before me, as I have done in the past. I don't know if it will help me not think about things I really have no business thinking about anyway, but it's worth doing. If anything, it will help my finances.

I put in some of my Avon order today, and I have two deliveries I need to make on my next day off work. Hopefully, I can get that taken care of.

How do I feel? Really numb right now. I feel like God has played a practical joke on my heart. I have no reason to be angry or hurt, but the lesson on letting go of unfinished business created a sense of loss in me that is overwhelming. I have learned that there are some things in life that I cannot control no matter how badly I want to make something happen. I can make an effort, but if God doesn't think it should happen, my effort is futile. And, to try to force anything to happen would just complicate matters for everyone involved irreparably. It's just not worth pursuing, when I look at the big picture.

Besides, I still believe in miracles. I believe in a God of hope and restoration. I believe in a God of reparation and guidance. And, if He wants something to happen, I believe He will make a way where there doesn't seem to be one.

In the meantime, I will continue to do good as best I can, in spite of my humanity and imperfection.

As Mr. Langston said in his book (which I have not had time to finish yet...but will try to do so on my next day off work), "If you sit back and wait for it, your destiny will find YOU."

What will be will be.

Fred told me today, "Sweety, I love you and all, but you really do have a way of painting yourself into a corner..."

Perhaps. But, whole room looks better, anyway. LOL

Have a blessed day!

Seclusion

Hello, World!

Since the guys bought themselves a new television set to watch, I felt obliged to move all my computer stuff into my bedroom for privacy. Besides, they were starting to get on my nerves. LOL

I feel like I can breathe better when I don't have someone interrupting me while I work online.

Now, it's just the dogs. Milo, mostly. If he is out in the living room when I come home in the morning and come to my room to get comfortable, he'll stand at my door and say, "Ruff........ruff" in a real low tone.

This morning, I was sitting here and I heard the familiar, "Ruff.....ruff." So I said, "Why should I let you in?" He said, "RUFF!" I said, "Well...okay, but you have to say 'I Love You" first." He said, "Rowrowrowr" So, I had to let him in. LOL

Otis came with him.

Ginger, the cat wanted to come...but I don't trust her. LOL. She came to the door, though, and put her paw under it, and got the boys barking til I told them to shut up or I was gonna put them back out there with her.

Anyway...I'm healing from some anxiety that has taken hold of me due to overwhelming emotions I've been experiencing that I'm not used to anymore and it is causing me to lose sleep, or want to sleep all the time.

I've changed my supplement regimen to try to help that so I can work effectively, and it seems to do the trick...and getting plenty of "good" sleep helps. And, getting away from the triggers. I cannot abide negativity of any kind in my life right now...so I'm doing what I have to to fix it.

I want to be happy again.

I want to feel "normal" again.

And, the holidays are NOT helping.

So, I think this is gonna go a long way towards helping.

I thank God for my job. It came at the nick of time. And, for the friend who pointed out that I should go check it out. I had already put my app in, but this gave me an opportunity I needed to secure the job. The pay sucks, but my bills are getting paid.

A customer brought me a gift last night that really brightened my mood, also. I am coming to love all of the regular customers I'm meeting. Working at the Pitt Grill is starting to feel like being a member of a dysfunctional, but productive family. LOL

Well, ya'll have a blessed day!

Be Still and Wait

Hello, World.

I'm fixing to go to bed. I spent all night praying and working on my home projects and thinking...trying to make sense of life.

There is one thing that God keeps saying to me in a multitude of ways lately: "Be still and wait" "Wait on the Lord and do good." In other words, I may not have everything I want right now, but God is working on it. Until then, I just need to wait and trust that no matter what He does, it's in my best interest. I just need to keep being myself and if there is anything I can do to help make things easier, it's to keep doing good.

That should be enough to occupy my time.

I have to go back to work tonight. I am looking forward to being busy.

And mom doesn't know about Christmas...so I may just be stuck at home like I was Thanksgiving...

Ya'll have a blessed day!

A Message to Women Everywhere

Women, HEAR THIS:

When you are in a relationship with a man, you are not ENTITLED to ANYTHING from him except his loyalty.

Too many women drag a man down into the mud and de-emasculate him to the point of not even trying anymore just because they don't get what they thought they should get out of the relationship.

It makes it hard on other women who might find what he has to offer attractive.

It isn't fair to anyone involved, INCLUDING you. So stop thinking you are entitled to being treated royally when you haven't earned it.

Women like YOU make women like ME ANGRY.

If some women would stop jumping into relationships for what they think they might get out of it and then becoming disappointed and throwing it away after running him down into the ground for something he can't control and is so far from who he is as a person, instead of carefully vetting the man they want before the relationship and getting to KNOW him on a deeper level before getting involved and appreciating him for who he is BEFORE the relationship starts, we'd see a lot more successful couples and higher quality men would be more available.

Just saying.

Insomnia, Yard Work, and Avon

Hello, World!

Lately I've had a LOT of trouble sleeping. Either I want to sleep ALL the time, or I can't sleep at all.

Last week, it was like all I wanted to do was sleep. I'd wake up for an hour and go back to sleep until time for me to go to work. This week, I can't sleep for more than 2 hours, then I'm wide awake...

Last night I did a lot of cleaning. I washed dishes, put away clothes, cleaned my room, wiped off cabinets in the Kitchen, and this morning, I decided to do some yard work as soon as daylight hit. I burned pinestraw, old boxes, and Avon books that I had not used that were old campaigns and piling up. Then, I came in, took a nice hot bath and laid down. I finally got about 6 hours of sleep.

When I woke up and came into the kitchen, there were bread crumbs and coffee all over the counters I just cleaned. Yes. I scolded my housemates, telling them I am not their mother OR their maid.

They apologized.

I got my Avon in to prepare for delivery. Avon sent me some stuff I didn't order. They didn't charge me for it. I even got three times the books I ordered. It's on my invoice, but I am not charged for it. Merry Christmas to me?

It would have been nicer if it had been some things I could use. I can definitely use the books, though.

It's cold outside, and I don't have central heat and air in this trailer. I sit in front of a space heater, wrapped in a comforter on the couch in front of my computer.

Gary needs me to take him to the store sometime today, and I am off work tonight.

I have taken all the stuff that has been ordered from Avon and not paid for during 2019 and put it in my "resale" box. We are now in Campaign 1, so it's time for a fresh start! So, if you have ordered anything you could not pay for or it has not been delivered for some reason, you might want to call me and get it before it gets sold.

Ya'll have a blessed day!

Bacon, Losing Weight and LOVE

Hello, World!

My size 18 pants are already getting baggy on me. I just went down from a 20. Not long and I'll have to find some 16s. I am not complaining. LOL Still got wear in them, though. At least I have room to move around.

This morning, I fixed me about 3 bacon strips to snack on at work. After eating them, I wanted more. LOL

I told my co-worker about my recent bout with my gall-bladder, how I had suffered with it for nearly 5 years not being able to eat bacon.

"So," I told her, "I REALLY appreciate every bite I take when I eat it! I savor the taste of it, and take the time to enjoy each bite, and I thank God that He let me live to enjoy it!"

Bacon. One of the "little things" in life that is appreciated immensely!

I have learned something, as 2019 is coming to a close, that I should probably add to the things I learned in my 51st year list: Loving someone does not require anyone's permission. Just because someone doesn't love you back is no excuse not to give your all with all you have to give. I have learned that the ability to love is not something that is there for someone else in your life. It is there for YOU. And, if God has given you the ability and the opportunity to love, then it is a blessing to be able to do so. After all, LOVE is not selfish -- at all!

WooHOO! It's Payday! I went to the bank, bought some sugar for my tea and then went to the bread store and for just $7, I got about 7 loaves of bread and 4 bags of Hamburger buns and about 25 assorted fried pies.

That should do us for the rest of the month.

Ya'll have a blessed day!

Mine is

"Connecting the Dots"

Hello, World!

What a great day! God is so good!

About 3 months ago I was approached by a pastor who is writing a book and asked me if I would write the "forward" for the book.

This is something I had never done before, but when God presents an opportunity to do something you've never done before, He always has a reason for it. I've already learned this well.

A little background on this is that the Pastor and I have never really spoken much on Social Media. He is and has been for awhile a Facebook friend. I know little about him except that he loves Jesus, works in missionary work, is well traveled, and has his own ministry.

He said, "God told me to ask YOU!"

So, naturally, I was a bit skeptical.

He said I could decline the request if I wanted to, but that he HAD to ask ME.

He hadn't yet finished his book. So, I told him that I would have to read the book before I decided.

A couple of days ago, he finally sent me the book.

During the last few months, I've had an experience in life that has left me questioning God's intentions with my life. I've, at times, felt like God was playing a practical joke on me. I keep holding on, regardless of how distant God has felt from me, because I firmly believe that everything in life has a reason; that God has a plan; and that ultimately, everything is going to turn out in my best interest according to God's will.

But, I am human, and I have felt as if God was sitting back and avoiding my questions.

Then, I read the first chapter. It's as if God was saying, "I know what you are thinking. I know what is in your heart. I understand why you are questioning me, so, let Me clarify...Oh, and BTW, I love you. Just sit back, relax and wait."

As Mr. Langston said in his book,

"If you are willing to wait, your destiny will find you. THAT, you can be sure of!"

Destiny: the idea that you are going to end up where God means for you to be, regardless of where you think you should be.

So, I'm floored. And, I feel now that God did, indeed, tell him to ask me to write the "Forward".

And I am filled with JOY because God is NEVER as far away as He sometimes feels.

Have a blessed day!

Taking My Life Back

Hello, World!

On December 31, 2019 it is my anniversary for being single. I will have been single for a whole 6 years.

After a VERY abusive 5-year relationship, I finally did what I had to do to get rid of him, and focus on my relationship with God, and bettering myself.

During this time, I was delightfully surprised how God stepped up and took care of me, His child. He showed me time and again how much He loved and cared for me and how I was the "Lily of His Eye" (in reference to what Jesus said about considering the lilies of the field).

I began to think about what it would be like to have another relationship, and I was afraid to even try. Not because I felt all men were bad, but because I did not have anything emotionally to offer, and at this point, my standards were set on the highest rung. I wondered what would happen if someone approached me like that again.

When it happened, I felt a sense of suffocation and fear. I had come to like my life at that point, and I did NOT WANT CHANGE. I ran away from him as fast as I could. It was as if, when I found myself safely away from him, I was able to breathe and feel an overwhelming sense of relief.

I never thought I'd ever consider having a relationship with anyone. I did know, however, that if I ever did, it would have to be with someone I was friends with first. It would have to be with someone I respected highly, who I felt respected me as much. Someone that valued who I was and who I wanted to be as much as I valued who he was and wanted to be. And, finally, someone I knew loved me unconditionally and felt that more important than his desire to have me in bed.

These last few months have found me actively looking for such a man. I am still of the opinion that it would be a miracle to ever get what I want, but I am relieved to know that the possibility for such a miracle is actually attainable. I still find myself running away from "opportunity" when it suddenly appears out of nowhere. I have also found myself wondering if I was even deserving of having everything I want with the ONE I finally set my sights on.

As 2019 ends, though, I have finally decided that I really like my life the way it is. If I never end up with such a man as I want in my life, who passes all of the criteria of being the miracle I am looking for, then I am happy just where I am, without a relationship with anyone but God.

This year, I've felt as if God has distanced Himself from me. I KNOW that isn't true, but it sure didn't help when I had to change jobs again and lose all I was so proud to have. I had to down-grade in order to keep from drowning...but at least God has provided. And, all of the emotional turmoil I've been through concerning whether or not to be in a relationship only made things worse for me. But, God finally stepped back in the picture this week with a big "DUH! Shonda, you are DEFINITELY not as smart as you think you are!", thereby dramatically rescuing me from my self-absorbance and misguided focus once again.

It's been a journey. I am human. I am still learning. I still make mistakes. I still misplace my heart and my trust at times...and I still have the capacity to get hurt. I'm not sure yet how good or bad that is...but I am looking forward to going into 2020 to find out.

Yeah. I actually want to find out.

Have a blessed day!

New TV and New Computer!

Hello, World!

WOOHOO! 3 days off in a ROW after working 7 days straight!

My job is working out GREAT. My customers love me! (they tip the waitress AND the cook! LOL)

Today, I had to take Gary to the bank so he could pay me my rent money. He bought us all some fried chicken for supper, AND he bought a new Television set.

He was tired of Fred getting irritated at the computer and hearing us fuss because I keep warning him, "Don't you even THINK about throwing that computer across the room. You will NOT like the consequences!" LOL

BTW...I think I'm actually finally fixing to get another computer, myself! God is Good! (and so are great friends!)

I also have to go see someone in the next day or so about getting some pants they want to give me. WooHOO!

I've been taking vitamins again (Centrum, B-12, Turmeric Circumin and Magnesium. A potassium pill now and then.) I've had so much energy these last couple of days! Who knew a few supplements could make such a huge difference!

I feel pretty good too, emotionally and mentally.

My Avon got shipped to the wrong address. A lady called me this morning and asked me if I was expecting the package. When I went to pick it up from her home this afternoon, she brought out the box and said, "I hope you have an Avon book for me!" LOL Thank you, Fed Ex for the new customer lead!

Well, I'm going to spend the day relaxing and cleaning house occasionally for the rest of the day. Tomorrow, I might have a visitor (and my new, to me, computer!).

Have a blessed day! (and Merry Christmas to us!)

Thy Will Be Done

Hello, World!

It is an AWESOME day when you see God's hand in your life by way of the struggles you are going through.

It lets me know that no matter how bad I mess up, God is still there to guide me and love me in spite of my own stupidity.

The Bible says we are supposed to value proper counsel when we have problems we don't know how to handle. But, how do you know what things to seek advice for, and when is relevent to do so? AND most important, who do you seek advice FROM? And how do you know WHEN to?

If there is one thing I've learned, it's that, while God has all the answers, the Bible doesn't. HOWEVER, the Bible DOES give us direction on HOW to find the answers. And, seeking counsel is one of them.

Me? I just throw the question out there and see who answers. LOL...if it is an answer from someone I respect as wise and experienced, I take his/her advice. If it is from someone I am pretty sure doesn't have a clue, I ignore it. One of my former pastors said it was like "chewing the meat and spitting out the bones".

I guess this is where you pray for the Spirit of Discernment in order to tell the difference between the two.

If God wants me to KNOW the answer, He sends someone who has solid advice. And, God usually sends SOMEONE when there is something He wants me to learn!

I can always tell when God is talking to me. He always sends me a problem to solve in order to teach me what an idiot I am. When He does this, I'm like, "Wow! You really DO love me!" even if I still don't like what He has to say. It sure makes me more submissive to His Will, though.

Ya'll have a blessed day!

Change Me

Good morning, World!

I'm back!!!!

Yeah, been doing a lot of reflecting on Thanksgiving...since I couldn't eat at mom's and no one would bring me a piece of pie...and my kids are AWOL.

I've decided I've had enough of being the person I've been for the last few months. I'm going back to the person I was a year ago.

That's the thing. I can choose to be who I want to be. If there is something I don't like about myself, I can change it. And, ONLY I can change it. So, I've decided to go back to being who I like.

Doesn't change how I feel about anything...but it sure makes dealing with everything so much easier.

Of course, no one can truly be the same person they were a year ago. Life is full of experiences that change your perspective on things. And, I've definitely had some changes in perspective over the last few months.

I'm not going into detail about my private life, but I've been blind-sided and surprised by my own reaction to things that have taken place in my life that I never thought I would have to face. And, now, I'm to the point that I can finally grasp hold of solid ground after wading through some slippery muck.

My eyes are wide open. My mind is clearing up, and I praise God for humbling me AND teaching me some things that I REALLY needed to learn.

And, I praise God that He is a God of miracles -- mainly because I really need to see one right now. Even if I don't, I know He's got my back; and, that, in itself, is miraculous enough!

Have a blessed day!

Letting Go...

There comes a point in life where you find you have done all you can do, been all you can be, and said all you can say. At this point, it is time to "let go and let God."

It doesn't mean you give up. It just means you can't move forward until something gives. It means you are re-adjusting your focus. It means that apparently God doesn't want you there. Whether it's because He doesn't want you there, or He doesn't want you there RIGHT NOW remains to be seen. But, you can't force God's hand.

What will be will be. And, whatever will be is in God's hands.

Happy Thanksgiving

Hello, World!

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.

Tonight, I have to work the graveyard shift at the Pitt Grill in New Boston. It's going to be a really slow night at work, I already know it. I am not looking forward to it.

Tomorrow, I'll rest at home before I have to go back to work tomorrow night. Just another day.

Mom has decided to spend thanksgiving elsewhere, so I won't have the opportunity to be with them this year. I can't blame them for wanting something different for a change.

Besides, Thanksgiving is about being thankful, right? I am thankful every single day.

I am thankful for my friends.
I am thankful for my job.
I am thankful for my family.
I am thankful for all the blessings life has to offer, from waking up in the morning, having a car to drive to work, having a hobby to do when I am not working to occupy my mind, eating, sleeping and having my two housemates to watch movies with or talk to on a daily basis.

I am thankful for so much more.

So, Thanksgiving is just another day. The time I spend with family and friends is not limited to just one day of the year...and can happen anytime. I wish it were more often...

Happy Thanksgiving, ya'll.

Ham, Employment and Avon

Hello, World!

Last night, Gary fixed a big ham with pineapple and Dr Pepper in the crock pot. It is delicious!

Ham. It's almost as good as bacon.

I worked my fanny off at work, even though we weren't busy. But, the waitress I was working with got sick in the middle of the shift. She does that a lot. So, tonight, I'll be working with another waitress so the manager can get some sleep. LOL

She is looking to hire more waitresses because some of our waitresses are proving to be undependable. And, she doesn't want to take me off cook position, because I'm just that good. Sigh... (So, if you are located near New Boston, Texas and you need a job as a waitress, go to the Pitt Grill and apply!)

This weather is making everyone sick. So, getting a day off is hard...which isn't a bad thing in my case.

If you haven't got an Avon brochure in a while, they are now available online! Just click HERE! And then, if you want to order, you can contact me on Facebook by clicking HERE OR you can order online from my store by clicking HERE

Have a blessed day!

Bad Day

Hello, World!

Yesterday was a really rough day.

When I got off work my battery was dead. I finally got a jump. I came home and went to sleep.

I woke up at noon because I had to take an Avon order for delivery at 2.

I get to E-Z Mart to fill up my gas, and when I get back in my car to start it, the battery is dead again. The lady that works at E-Z Mart jumped me off.

I went to my mom's to borrow some money to go get a new battery oh, and my stepdad points out that the tread is showing on my tire. I need a new tire. I'm due for a blowout. So I borrow some more money from my mom.

I went Daniel's used tire and got a used tire for $35.

Then I went to Walmart and got a battery for $60. While I was there I bought some booster cables. Figured it's easier to find someone to jump me off if I already have cables.

As I'm pulling out of the garage at Walmart, I hear this loud thump, thump, thump noise coming from my dash.

"What is wrong with my car?!" I exclaimed. It wasn't doing that before I got there. They said it might have something to do with the fan motor but that they were not responsible.

So I called a mechanic friend to ask him to take a look at it. And he did and assured me that it had nothing to do with how my car ran. It's just going to take a little bit for me to get it fixed.

I don't have any money right now, so I guess I'll just put up with the noise.

I went back home now and took a nap. I had to work again last night. I hoped that when I woke up the day would be better.

Today, it is a beautiful warm day outside. The baby-dogs will be spending some time outdoors today while I relax from all the stress of yesterday -- before I have to work again tonight.

Yesterday wasn't so bad, though. I have some really great friends. It helped make the day seem less frustrating.

I have to work, then I am off Wednesday and Thursday to clean house again. I wish I had a Brownie Girl Scout who would come clean my house for me for free...LOL

Ya'll have a blessed day!

Addicted to Love

I've been through enough crap to realize that love tricks your mind into thinking that you can't live without someone you love most in your life.

Love is an addiction. Just like any other addiction, the only cure for the effects that love has on you is distance.

Five years of being single has already taught me that I don't need anyone but God to survive.

I don't want to go back down that road. The road that leads to depression and longing for something I can't have, don't want, or am in fear of losing every day.

Love is not supposed feel like that. Relationships are built on trust, not covetousness. We should keep that in mind as we take the steps necessary to correct and be rid of addictive behaviors.

This doesn't mean you don't care. It doesn't mean you give up on the person you love. It just means that you are willing to walk away in order to make EVERYONE happy.

Love Yourself First

When you learn to BE the kind of person that you hope to let into your heart, that is when you know that you have "arrived". Because when you get to that point in your life, you realize that no one will ever fit the bill. The best you can do is hope that someone else arrives at a place in theirs to allow the chance that something great can happen. But, if it never does...that's okay, too; because you KNOW who YOU are.

Again, it isn't "settling". It's ARRIVING. And THAT is what will make it GREAT!

Get to know YOURSELF before ever thinking of going into a relationship; because once you realize what you can accomplish alone, the word "relationship" is not defined by NEED anymore. It then becomes a "gift".

And, a gift is something you GIVE. And, at that point, you will have SO MUCH to GIVE to someone who you feel deserves it!

I have learned what the words "Love yourself first" truly means! I always thought it was a "selfish" concept. But in truth, it is the most unselfish thing you can do!

Jesus said that we should love our neighbor AS THYSELF (Mark 12:31). He did NOT say "Love thy neighbor BEFORE thyself." You can't truly love ANYONE unless you love yourself FIRST!

Letting Go

I have learned so well to let go.

I used to wonder what it would feel like not to have to let go. I am human. Letting go isn't something I naturally want to do.

Now, I'm finally to the realization that letting go is not something you do because you have no choice. Letting go is something you do because it's the best choice you can make. And, it should be a lifestyle, not a temporary fix.

To let go means to trust. If you can't trust who or what you are letting go of, then you should trust God to take care of it. Either way, it's never in your best interest to hold on to anything.

The old Tracy Chapman song, "Give me one reason" says, "I don't want no one to squeeze me, they might take away my life"

Letting go isn't the end of life. It's the beginning. It's not up to you how it ends, but it IS up to you how well you live it.

Get Back Up

Hello, World!

I got my first paycheck this morning, but it wasn't a full one because I didn't work a full week.

Still trying to catch up on bills. I have a whole $2 left in my bank account today. LOL...

But, my Avon will be in on Thursday. I'll have over $100 to deliver, and then I get paid a full paycheck (-1hour) on Monday.

I am off work after tonight until Friday (yes, I have it verified by the manager) So I'm looking forward to two days off to rest! Yesterday I thought I was off and the manager called me ten minutes after my shift started to tell me I was on the schedule to work. I was not a happy camper, but I went in. LOL

I told her when she came in this morning that "I promise I don't miss work if I know I'm supposed to be here!" and assured her I would be here on time tonight.

And, I bought a new shirt to work in tonight. (Didn't want to wash clothes again today..LOL)

I'm slowly getting back on my feet...

Have a blessed day!

God is in Control

Hello, World!

It's a beautiful day outside today. I am resting up before I have to go to work tonight.

I am at another milestone in my life, too. One where I realize how much work I need to do on myself before I can let anyone else in to be a part of it.

I need to step back and take stock of where I am and keep my focus where it should be -- on the One who is in control of everything. I need to stop trying to control my life.

Besides, I've learned over and again that trying to control any situation in my life only makes things worse. I mess up things royally.

It's easy to learn to not control anyone else, but when it comes to what you want for yourself, it becomes hard to distinguish between the two, sometimes. And even if it doesn't involve someone else, it is still just as hard because to seek control is selfish.

I have been through a lot in my life where I have let others control me to the point of nearly ruining me. So, taking control of my own life has been a victory for me, to a point. But, it is also just as destructive in the wrong situations.

So, God, I'm giving the reins back to You...because at least I know YOU have my best interest at heart. And, I'm asking you to fix anything I've broken while I've tried to have control. I believe in miracles. I believe in Your ability to restore and mend everything. I believe in your ability to bless those who are really making the effort. And, I repent that my effort has been lacking. In Jesus' Name, I pray. Amen

Ya'll have a blessed day!

The Dance

I grieve every day of my life.

I grieve for the life I could have have...if only.

I grieve for the mistakes I made, for the mistakes others made, for what I've had to endure because of it, for who I wish I could have been, for who I am now because of it.

I grieve for the ones I love who are so wrapped up in their own lives that they miss what's right in front of them.

I grieve for the pain I see around me, and for not being able to do anything about it -- no matter how much I wish I could just wave my hand and take it all away.

I grieve for how much more I want to give but can't because it isn't accepted.

I grieve the precious time I waste wallowing in the misery of wanting something I can never have; for the hope I continue to have in spite of it, even though it isn't warranted.

Not a day goes by when I don't cry in my frustrations over all my grief, but I continue forward.

I continue forward because I believe in a just God, and I believe in miracles. And, I believe that even if my life comes to a close and I never get what I want, I did what I was supposed to do: endure, love, and have faith. And, I believe that in my next life, God is going to take away all my present desires and pain, and He is going to give me something new and refreshing. I believe that the pain will be worth it.

It's a New Day

Hello, World!

It is a brand new day! And, today, I feel as if I have been given another chance.

I recently started working at a local restaurant as a cook, and I will go in on graveyard shift tonight to begin my second week. It will be the last night of my training as cook.

And, THEN, I will be in training as a server. I will be working all shifts as a server or a cook as needed after that. It is going to be rough, but I feel confident in my job.

I recently had to borrow about $300 more dollars to make it until payday. Bills are due, and I haven't been pushing Avon much.

I still have about $50 worth of Avon to deliver, though. But the customers have not been able to come up with the money yet, or I have not been able to contact the customer.

And, recently, I have been stepping out some, socializing more, and being more open to the possibility of having an exclusive relationship with someone. But, if I have learned anything during the past five years of healing after my last relationship, it's that I don't NEED to be tethered in order to be happy. And, I am perfectly happy the way things are in my life. I am really unsure if I want the responsibility of maintaining a relationship with someone.

I guess if I ever do decide to take that plunge, I am still at ground zero, where it would take someone REALLY special to fill that place in my heart again. I am not wanting to take the chance of having another broken heart to deal with, on top of everything else I have going on my life. It would be too stressful.

So, as usual, I am me. And, I am happy to be so!

Have a blessed day!

Red Flag Warnings

When you are contemplating a relationship with someone, it is always best to keep your eyes and ears open. Many people go head first into a relationship, ignoring red flags that could have saved them lots of grief if they had only heeded the warning signs.

I spent 5 years in an abusive relationship. One of the warning signs that I had failed to heed was how quickly his mood changed, and how quickly he was to anger.

It made me feel as if I had done something wrong and I needed to fix it. I spent way too much time in the relationship trying to fix what I didn't mess up to begin with, but at the time it felt as if I had.

When the relationship was over, I found myself acting the same way he had acted toward me, toward everybody else. It was then that I realized I had issues that needed to be fixed. It was then that I decided I was not going to put someone else through what I just came out of.

Remember, if you play in the dirt, you get dirty...so if you find yourself in a friendly situation with someone, and it has not develooped into a relationship yet, and you see a warning sign, it's probably best to keep your distance, stay on friendly terms, but determine to take it extremely slow until these issues are conquered.

Seeing red flags doesn't mean there is no hope for the future. Remember, the person who issued the warning sign probably knows he or she was wrong in doing it, and is working to solve the problem in their own time and at their own pace. If you press the issue and decide to jump in, you are not giving the other person the time to process their feelings and think with a clear mind.

You can be a catalyst for healing, or you can be an emotional (or physical) punching bag. Tread lightly. It is best to make sure all the punches are out before proceeding with caution.

No one likes walking on eggshells all the time.

Getting Back My Groove...

Hello, World!

I have worked a straight 5 days at the restaurant. Tonight, I'll be the graveyard cook in training for that shift.

I really think this job is good for me. It is helping me to get back into shape. My legs feel so much better than they did when I first started.

I have always liked to have jobs that kept me moving constantly because it is good for my health. This job is, as my friend who visited the store yesterday said, "better than a gym membership". LOL

I'm REALLY looking forward to getting that first paycheck though. God actually came through "RIGHT ON TIME" once again!

Thank you, Jesus!

My Milo is having troubles jumping onto the couch and bed. His bones are starting to ache, I think. I guess he's about getting that age. He's 7 years old this month. Poor baby. Going to see if I can get him some arthritis formula that will help him next time I go get groceries.

He's still active, though. He and Otis chase each other around a lot and wrestle. He just can't seem to make that extra "push" it takes for him to jump onto higher places.

I am still selling Avon. So please make your order for Campaign 24 ASAP! Just click HERE to order online and have it delivered directly to YOU from Avon (I still get credit if you use THIS link!)

Have a blessed day!

It's My Birthday...

Hello, World.

I was going to wait until tonight before I go to bed to say thank you, but I decided to say it now to all you who made my birthday special (including those on PM) by wishing me a happy birthday!

You guys have really made my day.

Well, I think my day was made this morning, on top of that...

I got to work and all the staff came out with cupcakes and a card and sang Happy Birthday to me. And, then, a nice gentleman who frequents the establishment brought donuts for the staff, and a bag of chocolate for me.

I had a really great (and busy) day at work today. I learned some new things, and I got my schedule for next week.

And, I made a few tips.

I am home now. When the guys come out of their rooms, I'll share a cupcake with them, and maybe some chocolate.

Ya'll have a blessed day! (The day isn't over for me, though. :-) )

A New Attitude for a New Year

Hello, World.

Tomorrow is my birthday. I've decided that I am going into my 51st year with a new attitude.

I deserve nothing. It's only by God's grace and mercy that I have all the good things I have. And, though I still pray for what I want, I think it is high time I stop focusing on what I want and start being happy with what He has already given me.

Being a high achiever who beats myself up unmercifully for not being who I want to be at times, it is hard for me to accept the here and now a lot of times. But, here is where I am, and now is the only time that truly matters, because then is gone and life is too short to hope "maybe tomorrow".

I have always been one to want it all "right now". THAT is where I have gone wrong, I think. I should never "want it all". I should be content with what I have.

If God doesn't think I deserve to have it all, then who am I to argue with Him?

So, here's to the start of the second half of my life. Hopefully I'll have as many years to live as I have the first half. I know that is unlikely, which makes this decision so important.

But, right about now, I wish I could just skip it and have it all right now.

Have a blessed night!

Celebrating My Birthday with Jesus!

Source: Ponder America's Homeless
October 27, 2019
After church, I decided to "step out in faith" and spend some of my money on celebrating my new job and my birthday, with Jesus. I would have taken the guys, but I couldn't afford both of them, and it wouldn't have been fair to only take one of them. So, I went to Randy Sam's Homeless Shelter and picked up Miss Wanda.

Read more...

God Bless The Broken Road

When someone that you truly love breaks your heart, you don't stop loving them. You love them anyway, if you truly loved them to begin with.

Most of the time, when people get their hearts broken, they lash out at the person who broke their heart. They get mean and nasty. They hurl insults, or they just cut them off and write them out of their lives.

I look back at some of my heartbreaks and I see people who are not perfect. Some of them are even more imperfect than others. But all of us are imperfect.

I have decided, I love them all, anyway. And because of that, even though it didn't work out, I have some really great friends.

You see, when you truly love somebody, you carry them with you for the rest of your life. You might give them, and yourself, time for the dust to settle down, but truly loving someone means that you also accept that what you want from them, you just can't have, or what they want from you, you just can't give.

That's when you Love like Jesus does, and you give them the opportunity to also love you. You should never close the door on an opportunity to Love like Jesus does, because only Jesus can repair burned bridges; and, only Jesus can decide which ones to restore.

Help Pay for Shonda's Birthday Dinner!

My birthday is in 7 days, October 30. I will work that day, but that night, I would like to celebrate by going to a local buffet.

It will be on a Wednesday night, so I'm pretty sure no one will be available to take me due to having jobs, kids to be in school the next day, etc., so here is your chance to say Happy Birthday!

Thanks!

About Online Dating

Let me tell you something about the internet: Sometimes people become so dependent on it that they don't realize but there is another person on the other end that is just as real as they are.

It's just so easy to turn off a computer when things get rough. And this is why when it comes to relationships reality should be the norm.

You can't turn off life. And you can't just pretend that the person that you're talking to doesn't have feelings or a heart that can be broken.

What the internet does is offer distance. It offers time. It facilitates in healing because of this. It should be used like the message machines on a telephone, not as a way to party with friends. It doesn't offer memorable moments that can only be gotten by 2 people who are sitting face-to-face talking to one another and spending time in conversation and laughter. Touch is an integral part of building relationships.

Studies have proven that babies are more likely to die when they are not touched lovingly by their parents. So the internet does not offer pats on the back or hugs when you need it. Emoticons just don't do the trick.And if you can't look someone in the eye and tell them what you want to say, then even the most friendly relationships are superficial at best--something you can just turn off when you're tired.

As for me, I want real. I want to be able to reach out and touch someone's hand. I want to say hello with a hug. I want to look you in the eye when I tell you I love you. And, I want to spend time with my friend and build memories. I want more than just a message that says, 'Hello, I think you're special!"

Long distance relationships of any kind are difficult to maintain.

I do not do computer dating. And I'm not going to do deep friendships over the computer either. Because if you only live 5 or 10 miles away, there is no excuse for not making time for somebody you say you care about.

As always, it is a choice, and it is yours. And, I love you, anyway!

Relationship Discussion: Dealing with Heartbreak

Relationship discussion: almost everyone has gotten their heart broke at some point in time. What do you all do to deal with it?

When I was working, I would try to work all the hours I could so I wouldn't have to think about it. I used to go to the bars a lot so I wouldn't have to sit at home all by myself. Now, going to church is only two days a week what would I do with the other five?

Oh yeah, that's after the initial crying in my pillow for several days routine. Then when I get in the angry stage I just want to get over it.

This last relationship I had was so bad that I was glad to be out of it but I was afraid to be alone. I did manage though because I had a great job that allowed me to work awesome hours and I had plenty of things to do when I was at home to occupy my time, and being on the computer really helped--a lot.

I'm just curious how others spend their time getting over heartbreak... And how long does it usually last with you?

I've had relationships in the past in which the heartbreak was so bad it took me months to be able to look at another guy again. I've also had relationships that I went straight from the grieving stage to the angry stage and jumped into another relationship. And, I've had relationships where I just carried the pain over and learn to live with it. And this last relationship, I just decided I was done with all of it.

If there is one thing I have gotten good at it's letting go. Yeah there were times when I didn't want to... And I tried everything I knew how to not have to, but when I realized that my dignity was at stake, I finally moved on. After all, you can't make somebody love you, or it isn't Love. But, I've also learned that it's not so easy to let go of something you're still hanging onto.

Regardless of how it happened or what my reaction was, there was always one common denominator for me getting over heartbreak, and that was getting somewhere where I was alone and away from the world mentally and sometimes physically. It's like starting over again, and it's hard to do when the world around you is crashing down on you. I needed time to let the dust settle. If it was a bad heartbreak, the last thing I needed was some guy trying to flirt with me.

I'd love to hear your take on all this!

Margaret Annette Pennel I threw myself into my faith, kids and work. I tried to put on a hard hearted, mean face, but people saw right through me.

Shonda Ponder It took me a long time to be able to look at men again without being angry at them. Especially this last time.

Tami Morgan I've had a void in my heart and that's when I took it to God. He told me that humans can not give me what I need, they can't fill the void only He can do that. I was tired of dead end relationships and the minute that I gave Him all of me I got peace, joy and love. He became my everything.

Shonda Ponder God never took the feelings away from me. Having peace and being heartbroken are two different things in my world. God always gave me peace knowing that I did everything I could. If anything, it was always that still small voice that said, "I told you so." LOL And, "Now, let's see what we can do together." I never listened, really, until five years ago.

Tami Morgan I've had heartbreaks and heartaches too I had peace too but it wasn't the peace that God gives us, it was only temporary. When I gave God everything in my life I'm happier now than ever before. I found that being in a relationship with Jesus is more satisfying than I can get from any where else. That's why I'm still single and waiting on God. He knows the plans He has for me and He knows best.

Shonda Ponder I understand that feeling well. When I finally decided, "Okay, let's do this together...", you have no idea the joy he brought to me in spite of what I've been through. And yeah, peace in abundance. It's like, I don't NEED a man to fulfill me. God has already done that. And I don't think it's so much that he took the heartache away. He just made it easier to live with. And he made me stronger to deal with it. But, we also have to keep in mind that once the healing process is complete, God will put us through a test to see how we deal with it. And believe me when I say it is a wake-up call and a reminder of where you came from.

Tami Morgan has anyone told you what a blessing you are?

Tami Morgan No. No one has told me that, and yes He does test us. I've been tested and I keep my eyes on Jesus cause I've been hurt too many times and I don't trust man cause I haven't found one who will love me like Jesus does

Shonda Ponder I think it starts with being able to love like Jesus does. Until we can give that, there isn't any way we are ever going to get it.

Nicole Cody I spend my time researching the truth t the source and sharing it with others

Shonda Ponder I did that with The Ponder News for a long time

Nicole Cody keeps me occupied and I'm doing something positive with my time.

Shonda Ponder It really does, but be careful that it doesn't take ALL of your time. You still need to reserve some time for serving God. And, that will eventually require you to have contact with other people off-line.

Start of Something Good

I had a great day yesterday. I cooked some Northern Beans and Ham and we had Honey Ham Sandwiches to eat.

Me and Fred watched some weird movies.

I chased the cat off the tables and counters a few times.

I collect $40 in Avon sales, and tried to collect 40 more, but they didn't have the money today.

And, I had a wonderful conversation with a great friend.

As far as dating, I've realized that I'd rather have friends than take a chance at having enemies. And, until I can find that one friend that I can enjoy being with in the good times and the bad who loves me, anyway, I just don't think dating anyone exclusively is meant for me.

I also learned today that how I react to any situation I don't like determines how well the situation turns out. And, sometimes it hurts your back to water a flower, but when it grows it's beautiful and worth the pain.

God never said life would be easy. He just said He'd walk through it with me. Today, I did the right thing and, though my heart is bruised, I know it's worth the blessing.

As I said, yesterday I was nursing a bruised heart. But, I've come to realize, that doing the right thing even when it hurts will end up making me happier.

And, I've also learned that my decision to be single and chaste is going to bring in a series of tests before I ever get what I want.

I've been wondering where the men are that liked having a good woman. The truth is that the man who finally does come along is probably also wondering the same thing. And he's going to do everything in his power to see if you are the kind of woman that he is looking at.

A good man may not even follow through. He may just want to know what you would do. So, ladies, be careful about the decisions you make while dating. And even if it hurts, do the right thing. Because, a good man is going to want you to be able to make some hard decisions if you are going to be with him.

A man who is looking to eventually commit is going to want to know what kind of woman he is committing to. He is going to want to know not only what your character is but what your personality is like. Are you going to nag him all the time? Are you going to fail to give him necessary space to make decisions for himself? Are you going to stiffle his manhood? are you going to be the kind of person who will shame him in front of his friends?

Men and women have different ways of finding things out about each other before they get involved. And how you handle your chastity is a big step in the process.

I can be honest at this point and tell you I still have a lot of work to be done on myself before I can think about being with someone else. And right now I can only say that eventually, I always do the right thing.

Though I am probably more patient than I've ever been in my life, I still need to learn to have patience even more. And, I need to value myself a whole lot more than even I thought I was doing.

I have learned so much just in the past couple of months. And today, I am on my knees praying that God keeps giving me the clarity He is beginning to give me in more abundance. And that He allows me the time to learn the lessons I need to learn well before I take a step into a relationship that He has planned for me.

Growing pains hurt. They hurt bad. But no one ever truly stops growing when they are a child of God.

And the blessings are enormous!

Sufficient Grace

If there is anything I've learned in the past few months on Facebook, it's that there are some battles that should be fought silently. To publicize it complicates it.

I have been one to post about my days and all my battles for the world to see, because I felt I had nothing to hide. But, what I have learned about myself is that everyone has things to hide from the world that belong to you and God alone. After all, only God can get you straightened up.

And, only God knows what He is doing in any situation; And, good or bad, it is not for the world to judge your character. All you can do is be the best YOU you can be in front of them, and let God have the worst that is in you to do as He wills.

I have learned that I am more than the good days, weeks and years. I am the bad ones, too. And, as much as I'd like to be, I am certainly not perfect and not worthy of being called a "Saint" in the traditional, worldly, sense of the word.

I do know that no matter how much I pray, some battles are meant to be lost. God has a way of humbling those who think they are mighty in any situation.

I think Paul, in the Bible, knew how I feel.

And, I praise God that His Grace is sufficient, even for me.

2 Corinthians 12

6 For though I would desire to glory, I shall not be a fool; for I will say the truth: but now I forbear, lest any man should think of me above that which he seeth me to be, or that he heareth of me.

7 And lest I should be exalted above measure through the abundance of the revelations, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, the messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I should be exalted above measure.

8 For this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me.

9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

Who Should Lead?

When dating someone, should the man shoulder all the responsibility for showing you a great time?

Most people expect that the man should pay for dinner. But, should the man be responsible for planning other things? Like, going to a concert, or seeing a movie....and should he be expected to pay the whole way if he is the initiator of the date?

Is it proper for him NOT to be the initiator at any time? and if so, should he still be expected to pay for it? I mean, after you have been dating for a while, is it okay for HER to say, "You know what, I'd like to go (here or there) and do (this or that). Why don't we do that next Saturday!" How much is he expected to shoulder at that suggestion?

I was brought up that the guy was supposed to take care of the lady. There are lots of ways to have fun when you don't have the money. On the other hand that depends on who you are with, too. If you are with someone who is boring, going to the lake for a picnic might not be fun.

I really think it is depending on who you are with, and what you are both looking for in a relationship. I was brought up to be the help-meet, not the bread-winner. But, more often than not I ended up supporting losers. I don't think I'm going to be doing that again. I don't mind paying for what's MINE, but if he is making a house payment before we get together and I move in with him, then he should continue making the house payment. I have never "not worked". So, I don't mind buying groceries and paying for my clothes, and whatever else I consume. But if I don't have it, He should WANT to take care of me. And if he loses his job and needs my help, he shouldn't be too proud to take it but at the same time, he shouldn't be dependent on me forever. He should be working to provide.

My mom and stepdad had it worked out so that they had 3 bank accounts. His, hers, and theirs. Both of them worked. Mom didn't make as much as Benny did, but come payday, HALF of her paycheck went in the "Theirs" account, to pay the bills. If anything was left over, they TALKED about how to spend it TOGETHER. If both didn't agree, it didn't get spent. Same with Benny, HALF went in the "Theirs" account. The other half was his to spend however he wanted. I think that worked out well. But, when she couldn't work anymore, that "half" wasn't so much...and Benny picked up the tab. But, the accounts are still in effect.

On the other hand, Grand-daddy and Grandma split the bills right down the middle. Even if Grandma didn't make as much, she was expected to pay for her half. That didnt work out too well. They fought a lot about that.

I like the way my mom and stepdad handled their finances better.

To be honest, I don't have a lot of respect at all for a man who doesn't take the lead. Women, most of the time, like to feel "secure". If a man doesn't make her feel like he WANTS to take care of her, I can see how that would cause stress for a woman. On the other hand, I, myself, am pretty independent -- so, while I like a man that "leads", I don't like a man who "overpowers". I have personal dreams and wants and needs too that I only feel fulfilled if I work for it. And to care for a man who is dependent takes away from that.

Respect goes a long way. If a man respects you enough as a woman to make the effort, then you should be willing to do whatever it takes to make it easier.

When is it okay to be selfish?

I asked this question on my FaceBook page. Here are a few of the answers I got:

Never

I disagree

When whoever you are dealing with refuses to be unselfish -- if that makes sense!

Good answer

When your health depends on it...sometimes you gotta take care of yourself first.

That's true. And a lot of times people don't take into account that MENTAL health is just as important as PHYSICAL.

I think the word "selfish" is relative. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you. That means that you take into account someone's situation before you decide to not be selfish or hold back. For instance, if someone wants my time, I should spend it with them...UNLESS I have to work. If that person wants to call me selfish for making a living, then they are the ones being selfish. Does that make sense? I'm not going to put my livelihood in jeapordy.

I don't think God intends for me to give up my livelihood for someone else any more than He intended for the Israelites to give up their land just because someone else wanted it.

THEREFORE, I shouldn't be judgmental when someone else doesn't have time for me due to their job always calling them in at the last minute

Selfish is married to greed and that is a fact!

Which is more greedy? wanting someone to give up their livelihood to spend time with you or taking the opportunity to not get fired and have a better future to provide for someone, therefore sacrificing the time someone asks you to have?

In the end, I came to an understanding that everyone has different ideas of what "selfishness" is. So, in order to have a "healthy" relationship, it might be wise to decide what selfishness is to you, and whether you fit the bill enough to change, or whether you are enabling someone else's "selfishness"; and in any situation I should put myself in their place before I pass judgment and decide whether or not to be selfish in kind.

How to Control Frizzy Hair

I figured out how to keep my hair from frizzing out when it dries.

I have the type of hair that no matter how short I cut it or thin it out, it's going to friz out when it dries because it is so thick, course, and heavy.

My mom's is the same way. My sister's kids have nicknamed her "Gizmo" because of it, and are constantly offering to spray it down with a garden hose. Sometimes, like mine, it looks like a clown's hair the way it sticks out....LOL

So, I'm going to have to tell my mom about this:

When you wash your hair, after you rinse, take a Skin So Soft Bath oil spray and pump some of it onto your hair, as if you are doing a light hairspray.

Then, Rinse again.

When your hair dries it will be shiny, bouncy and not frizzy at all! (and if your hair is not oily already, it won't be oily...but it will be very soft!)


Get some Skin-So-Soft and try it yourself!

Friendship as a Base

Friendship is built over time. Friends go through a lot together and their relationship stands the test of time.

Over time, you learn who's loyal, who you can depend on when you're in a sticky situation, who will stand beside you and love you even when you're not perfect, and who understands you the most. You learn who is fun, who is sensitive, and what each other's triggers are.

You become extended members of each other's family. And you learn to be understanding when you're in a bind and a friend just doesn't have it to help at that time. You see each other's best and you see each other's worst, and you still love each other.

Most people jump into relationships and they just don't know the person that they're with. Their lust takes over, and by the time they learn that the person that they're with is not who they want it is usually too late. I don't want that.

I am not looking for a Prince charming. I don't need someone to rescue me from myself. I have spent the last five years getting to know who I am. I know my strengths and I know my weaknesses. And I know what I want out of life. I know more today than I knew in 2014, when I started this journey into being single and chaste.

I don't want someone who is going to try to change me. I like who I have become. I know what part of me needs to be changed and I doubt anyone else can make that judgment. I want someone who loves me like Jesus does: just as I am. Whatever changes need to be made is something we should be able to do together.

I want a best friend. Someone I know I can call on at a moment's notice, or in the middle of the night without reprisal and with utmost understanding. I want someone to be impulsive with, and have fun doing it! I want someone who will hug me when I need a hug and who will just hold my hand when I just need someone to be there. I want to be able to say what comes off the top of my head without thinking about it and feel comfortable that my friend is someone I can say it to. I want the freedom to be me all the way without reservation.

I want someone who wants to know every part of my life, someone that I can get to know, too!

I don't want to be somebody's second choice -- someone they're with because they can't be with the one they want to be. I want to be first in their heart. I want to be the one they think about when they're alone at night and it's just dragging by. I want to be the one they think about no matter what they do, because they just don't feel the same doing it with anyone else.

You can't have any of that without a good friendship as a base. It's impossible. I'm not a mail order bride, so relationships over the computer do not work for me and I'm not even going to try it. I want something tangible that I can touch, see, feel, hear their voice, smell their scent. I want real.

I want someone who's willing to sacrifice a part of their day just to call and say, "Hey, I'm thinking about you!" Or come by, even if it's only for 5 minutes, just to give me a hug. I want someone who, even when they don't have the time, thinks I'm worth making the time for.

I think in today's world of internet and technology, we have forgotten what friendship really is. It's not who you have on your friends list on Facebook. It's who you have in your life when the internet goes down.

In this day and age, all of that is nearly impossible; but I refuse to settle for less.