Tuesday, July 6, 2021

Speak, Lord, For Your Servant is Listening

One of the things I have noticed in my life and my walk with God, is that God tends to open doors when something is about to happen. It is His way of ushering in new events, eras, and turning around things that have happened in our lives.

He also has the power to shut doors and block paths, which He has done a few times in my life as well.

That is why I cannot help, at this point, but to wonder what is fixing to happen in my life now?

I found myself, on the drive home from picking up the food boxes at Flower Acres this morning, asking God, "Okay, what is fixing to happen? What is it that You are wanting me to do, or see, or accomplish while I am out there on the road this next month? You have just made it possible for me to leave the guys and not feel as if I am abandoning them by presenting the Trax opportunity for them. You have made us more independent of each others needs now. There has to be a reason."

I have learned to always look at opportunities as messages from God. Now, I am seeing it as a command to move forward for some reason that I have yet to ascertain!

I guess, the real question is, Lord, what is it that You are wanting from me? I, your servant, I'm listening!

Saturday, July 3, 2021

Dogs, Drama and Fishing -- The Week of June 27-July 3, 2021

This week started out on June 27, Sunday, with a chihuaha trying to bite me as I was delivering Walmart groceries. No biggy. I was wearing loose clothing, so he didn't get the skin; but, it was still annoying.

I found out that a family member was in the hospital needing urgent prayers. The prayers worked, by the way. He is now home.

On Monday, my son was supposed to leave town but his ride didn't pan out. More drama at my home. And, I got a $20 tip.

On Tuesday, another dog tried to attack me as I was making a WAITr delivery. This time I REALLY got annoyed.

I wrote on my Facebook timeline:

"Dog just attacked me and tried to bite me. On Lake Drive. Third time in two weeks.

I'm going to say it one more time please keep your damn dogs chained up if you want me to deliver anything!

This is starting to get out of hand. And if it was any worse than it was I would have called the cops if for being annoyed!"

I took my son to see my dad. My dad gave him a guitar off his wall because he asked my dad to give him a guitar to carry with him on his travels. Dad didn't give him a good guitar, but he gave him one, and my son was proud of it. So much so that on Wednesday...

On Wednesday, my son and his girlfriend left. I had had enough of their drama and told them it was time for them to go. (There is a lot more to this, but I am not airing my dirty laundry on the internet). My son left behind his own guitar and a pair of skates, and a bag that liz had given them was found on my porch. The bag was empty.

Rules in my household:
  • No drunks.
  • No drugs.
  • No drama.
  • Everybody pitches in somehow to make it work. Everybody fends for themselves.
  • No one is a dependent.
  • I will protect what is mine furiously and with an iron fist.
  • I will be respected in my own home.
  • I do not bend the rules even for my own family -- ESPECIALLY for my own family.
  • I do not ask of anyone else what I am unwilling to do for myself.
  • And I refuse to enable bad behavior.
  • On Thursday, I took Fred to make some appointments and get his food stamp paperwork started. I have to take him to another appointment on the 7th.

    On my way to taking Fred to make an appointment for his healthcare financial help, I was trying to convince Fred not to be complacent when it comes to wearing his mask.

    He said, "I have a good immune system. My skin heals quick when it gets a cut."

    "Not the same thing. Besides, you are trying to tell me that after you just had a stroke, can't hardly get around, are nearly 60 years old and have been smoking for as long as you can remember that if a lung-eater virus gets ahold of you, your body can fight it off? This virus has already killed a member of my family. There are people who are 28 on oxygen with double pneumonia 2 days after being diagnosed in the hospital who are barely making it through and you are telling me you can fight this? I don't think you would come out of it alive if it got you.

    Plus, there is a new strain that is much MORE contagious and acts more aggressive than the original that is out now and you say you can fight it? I don't think so. I think you need to be careful, Fred!"

    He went and got a mask.

    I told him, "I am just thankful it was TRUMP who was in office when this crap broke out. We'd ALL still be wearing masks and waiting forever for a vaccine and the country would be imprisoned at home in a third world country by now if it had been Biden!"

    By Friday, I started making plans. I have the urge to just run away and travel. But, I am stuck here because of people who need me who aren't even my responsibility. I have decided not to let it stop me.

    When I woke up Friday morning, I remembered one time in English/Lit in school where the class had to watch a reel about this girl who was being home-schooled and how she was reading all of her books on a computer screen. It was a sci-fi story about the future.

    I remember thinking, "I doubt I'll see that in MY lifetime, though."

    Back then, the internet didn't even seem possible.

    Now, our kids are doing that on a daily basis. WE even do that.

    Also on Friday, I contacted the H&R Block office to find out why I have not received my Income Tax Refund. I was told that the IRS is being especially slow this year, and it could take up to 20 weeks. I told them I have not received it by September, I would call back.

    I purchased Fallout: Tactics video game for the PC...but I am not sure I like it.

    My refrigerator is going out. I need a new one.

    Today I am loading my car to get ready to travel.

    I am also going to go fishing today.

    I will not be doing any spark deliveries or Uber/Lyft ridesharing for about 2 months.

    I'll be taking a 10 hour trip. Which mean it may take me 5 days to get there (working my way up so I don't miss bills....LOL) I'll get to work in Arkansas, Missouri, Illinois and Indiana. It is going to be fun!

    On the way back I'll work in Tennessee, Mississippi and Louisiana.

    By the time I get to Shreveport, I'll probably be running straight home. LOL

    I'll be working Uber Eats, Door Dash and Waitr.

    I have to be back here by August 2.

    Might stop briefly to visit with my cousin and my Uncle on the way.

    I will come back home to rest some by August 2, (Fred has a doctor's appointment and I am their only means of transportation at this point).

    Then I plan to go to Oregon.

    To my family and friends that I will be visiting: My finances are tight, so I apologize that I will not be able to take you to dinner, but am looking forward to the short visit!

    I am loading my car with baby bed mattress, pillows, blankets and sheets, Fishing gear, tent, suitcase with a weeks worth of clothes and towels and toiletries, my computer and a small igloo ice chest for tea. And, of course, everything I carry with me every day. If I didn't HAVE to come home, I might not.

    My dogs will be well cared for. And all my bills can be paid online. Except my lot rent. I'll be back before that is due.

    I went fishing and broke my rod and reel. I climbed up the hill and made the trail back to my car to get my cane pole, but I couldn't get the line out far enough to reach the fish, so I gave up. After nearly three hours, I climbed the bank and went back home -- hot and worn out. I stopped by my mom's and left my rod and reel so that maybe my step-dad could fix it for me.

    I am resting the rest of the day.

    Sunday, June 13, 2021

    Getting Started

    Good morning, World

    I am fixing to get up and get out of here. I have a big first work-day back planned.

    I am fixing to jump in the tub, then get dressed. Then I am going to go to Walmart to get some stuff for Liz to cook for supper tonight.

    After that, I am going to work for the day.

    Sunday, May 9, 2021

    Who Am I?

    They say that every seven years, every cell in your body regenerates itself. Essentially, your body replaces itself. You might as well say that you become someone totally different.

    Sitting here today, I've done a lot of reflecting. Facebook doesn't hold the same "excitement" it used to have. I no longer look for ways to update my website. The games I used to play to pass the time are now tedious and boring.

    I talk to different people...about different things than I did -- even a year ago. I feel different. I look different.

    And, now, I look in the mirror and ask myself, "Who am I now?"

    Some things have not changed. I still love Jesus. However, even that relationship is totally different than it was. I still want my heart's desire...however, what is meant to be is meant to be and what is not is not...and I have become accepting of that. I still love chocolate and sweet iced tea, too.

    Technically, I am still the same person I have been all my life. But, I am NOT the same at all.

    Today I asked myself why. Am I depressed? I don't feel depressed.

    I am not sure who I am becoming, but I guess it is up to me who I end up being.

    So many choices to make...

    Saturday, May 1, 2021

    Day Off

    Hello, World!

    Today I am taking the day off.

    It sucks, though. Because this is the first of the month and it is guaranteed to be busy. I could use the money.

    But, God is bigger than any financial problem I have.

    I need to start acknowledging that He is bigger than any "heart" problem I have as well. I know that if I do that, He will set me up there, too.

    I will be out working extra hard and extra long this week. I am going to try to have enough money in my account to pay bills for a month by the end of this month.

    I am still waiting on my tax refund and my retirement money.

    And, I have to pay my ticket this week. I am not looking forward to that.

    Today is the Sabbath. I am taking off work to rest and Honor my Father in Heaven, Hallowed be His Name!

    Saturday, April 24, 2021

    Sunday, January 24, 2021

    God will make a way

    Some people really don't like my opportunistic nature. I seek out and take every opportunity God gives me. Because of this, I have survived tough battles in my life, sometimes at great personal cost.

    But, I do not regret ever taking ANY opportunity to better myself, or to survive! And, I have NEVER taken any opportunity that went against what God had taught me of His own nature and laws!

    When I started working as a courier, it was definitely out of my comfort zone, but I searched in prayer for anything that told me that God would not want this for me before I did it. I could find nothing about it that would make God mad at me, so I stepped out in faith.

    I have never been happier!

    When God sends someone who has food, even if I am not going hungry, I take it. My reasoning is, "whatever I can't eat, I can give to someone who needs it." When God sends me money, I take it. I invest it. I use it to help someone else in need. When God sends me someone to talk to, I use the opportunity to tell my story, and give God all the credit! When God gives me the opportunity to work, I take it. I learn from it. Sometimes, I have found it to be training for something better that comes along.

    Had I never driven a car, or a bus, or a taxi, or delivered pizzas, I might not have felt qualified for what I am doing now. I might have let the opportunity pass me by. But, God knew back then where I would be today. GOD MADE THE WAY, I just followed it!

    By doing so, I have let God write my story, and I LOVE telling it!

    Sunday, January 17, 2021

    I Try

    One of these days I am going to find a man who likes to talk. Someone who will tell me about himself. Someone who asks questions and answers them with more than two words or an emoji. Someone who doesn't make me feel like I am "intruding" on his life. Someone who actually wants me to be a part of it. Someone who takes being my best friend seriously.

    I think I am finally ready for that.

    I think I've been ready for that.

    And, I've been saying I wouldn't settle for less than I want. But, the truth is, what I have always wanted always pushes me away. What I have always wanted is never there when I need him. What I have always wanted doesn't really show an interest in happily ever after. What I have always wanted uses me for his own gratification, and when it becomes too much, avoids me any way he can. What I have always wanted hurts me over and over again, thinking it is what is best for him. What I have always wanted doesn't want to give me a chance to be what I long to be with him.

    If I actually got what I have always wanted, wouldn't that, then, be settling for less?

    So, I have no choice.

    Life is what you make it, right?

    I have always been a go-getter. I give getting what I want everything I have, and it is always "too much". I don't feel I give too much. I feel I am not capable of giving enough, but it is always "too much" for him.

    So, maybe what I wanted hasn't really been what I wanted. Maybe what I wanted really wasn't good for me. Maybe what I wanted has clouded my judgment and made me blind to actually giving something I needed the chance to become everything I hope for.

    Maybe it is time I try something else, totally different, on for size.

    Transformation sometimes means stepping out of your expected role in order to play another one. Sometimes it means throwing away the pattern that you sew your life by in order to stitch together another one.

    I am ready for a new adventure.

    I am ready to lock away the memory of the life I wanted in order to live the life I need. I am looking forward now and not back. I am not hoping for anything, except what God gives me.

    And, I think I'm finally going to have to learn to play the same game with my past that has put me in this position in order to finally find the happiness that I am hoping for with someone worth having a life with.

    So, to my past: I give up. You win. I hope you are happy.

    And, to my future: Show me, because what you see is what you get. I am not going to be anything other than who I am. I hope you can live with it.

    Tuesday, January 12, 2021

    I'm No Communist

    I just cancelled my Amazon Prime Membership. Whatever I need I can find elsewhere.

    This is how we fight big Tech and Monopolies that can control our rights.

    TAKE AWAY THEIR FUNDING.

    I am 52 years old. There isn't a lot I am quaified to do to help the cause of Freedom...but EVERY LITTLE BIT I CAN DO, I WILL DO.

    Amazon says, "Well, what about all the great prices our Prime Membership has to offer to those who are members?"

    My prime membership costs me $15/month. That means I spend $180 per year just for the membership. I've bought about $300 off of Amazon in the past year. So my savings did not equal or surpass the amount I spent to save. It is not worth it for me to support a company that will take away my freedom of speech by destroying Parler.

    Freedom is not free. I'll be happy to spend more and pay the price. My freedom is not for sell.

    I also sold my Twitter stock. I don't want any part of it. I don't own any shares in Facebook or I would sell that too.

    Another Chance

    I met a homeless guy at Burger King today.

    I was on my way in to use the restroom. He said, "How are YOU today, ma'am?"

    I said, "I am blessed!" and was in a hurry to get to the restroom...

    He mumbled, "I'm not."

    I stopped, just long enough to rebuke him and say, "YES, YOU ARE. You woke up this morning. YOU are BLESSED." Then I ran to the restroom. When I came out he was still there. I said, "You have ONE purpose in life. That is to glorify God. IF you woke up this morning, it is because God BLESSED you with a chance to do so."

    Then I left.

    I didn't have any cash on me. And, I'd already given my snack food to another homeless couple at a corner nearby. So, I feel I did what I should have, in telling him this.

    I could tell he was thinking about it as I left.