Thursday, October 27, 2016

In the Heat of the Battle...

Hello, World.

Today, I don't have to work. My birthday is on Sunday, but I have to work. I start my vacation on Tuesday. I don't go to work again until next Monday after that.

Today, I got paid, but it's all spent. Oh well.... I'm going to trust God to provide for me as He always does and today, I'm going on a date with Jesus and celebrating another year of my life.

I try to write down ten things I have learned this year, around my birthday.

1. God is my vengence. He fights my battles.

2. There is always room to love one more.

3. We are called to love, even if it disappoints.

4. We can not let our things get in the way of being who God has called us to be.

5. Sometimes, God's plan requires us to let go of everything, leave everything behind, in order to get to where He is taking us.

6. Sometimes we have to lose everything in order to be reminded of who we should depend on.

7. I might have gone down in the heat of the battle, but don't count me out of the fight.

8. There is no strength in me, except that which God gives me in order to endure.

9. Whenever night time comes, we must focus on the joy that comes in the morning.

10. Our want to depends on what we do when we are on our knees.

Monday, October 24, 2016

It's better to have loved and lost...

On October 22, 2016:

My baby dogs are getting ready to go on a trip. I won't see them again for a long time, if I do. But, I know they will be loved and cared for. That is what is important. They will be happy. They will have OUTSIDE! (I know Milo will love that!) And, they will have family.

I have already cried my heart out over a week ago. I'm all cried out...but I know when I least expect it, I'll probably cry some more. They are my babies.

For four years, Milo and I have been through everything together. When I cried, he licked my tears. When I laughed, he ran in circles. He is my best friend.

And then came Otis. Jealous, sweet, spoiled, Schizo Otis. He wasn't Milo to me, but he is family. I love him as much as I do Milo.

I wish them love, happiness, adventure, memories and safety. I wish his new family many years of laughter and love with my babies.

I will miss them, dearly.

My baby dogs just got to their new home. They are over 100 miles away from me now. But, I am happy. From what I hear, they were spoilt before they even got out of town. Chicken McNuggets? Really? I bet Milo LOVED THAT! LOL

October 23, 2016

Hello, World.

I woke up this morning and took a bath. It was so quiet. The Baby dogs didn't lick me awake. I didn't have to dodge the puppy pads (which I forgot to put in that care package I sent with them, along with their shampoo). It's gonna take some getting used to.

The apartment seemed...empty.

I went to church. One member hugged my neck and asked me how I was doing. "Better now." was my response.

She said, "You weren't doing good?"

I held back. LOL. I know she didn't mean it the way it came out. But, I fought to keep my retort in. It made me feel like I hadn't been in church for over two weeks and no one even noticed. Oh well. I don't go to church to be noticed anyway. Except by HIM.

I looked around to see if I could invite someone to go to the lake with me. I didn't see anyone. So, I went alone.

I enjoyed every bite of fish I had, and I asked my sister if she was gonna let me take Mylee to see The Nutcracker in December. She said I could. And, Mylee said she would.

Then, I came home. No babies to greet me at the door.

I took a nap.

I'm fixing to go back to church. Then I'll come home and wash clothes.

And watch netflix, or play Fallout, or listen to preachin. Anything so I won't think about what's missing.

Have a blessed day.

(Later that night)

I washed clothes, sheets, blankets. I changed my bedding. I was thinking, no more dog hairs to wash so often now. My pillows won't get torn up. I can take off my clothes whereever and not worry about them getting chewed up. My shoes are safe.

I am having to re adjust to not having dogs.

I saw my niece Mylee today with her new puppy, Bella. Bella was definitely Mylee's puppy. She followed Mylee around like Mylee was her momma. She even did what she was told some. Mylee had her on a leash, and she didn't mind, so long as Mylee didn't leave her.

In a way, I envied her. In another way, I wanted to shout a warning to her: "Mylee! Honey, do you know what you did? Do you know the pain you are going to feel one day?"

All I could do was smile and remember a quote from Shakespeare:

It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Saturday, October 22, 2016

Wanna go bye bye?

This I believe...

I was scrolling across my memories today and found this from 2012. It triggered a memory from way before that when I was in my late teens, early 20s. I was dating a guy who was called to be a Pentecostal preacher. But, he had turned atheist. Even back then, I carried my Bible everywhere I went. I read it every day.

He saw me reading it one day and he asked me, "You really believe that, don't you?"

I saId, "yes. I do. Do you?"

He said, "I used to." Then he told me his history. He said, "It just started sounding like a fairy tale. I mean, a flood that covers the whole world? Really?"

I didn't have enough knowledge then to defend my faith, except to explain to him that that is what faith is about, believing in things that can't be explained.

I asked him if he had a problem with me believing it.

He said, "Not at all. I mean, it's like this: If you believe and you die, then nothing will happen if it's not true. But, if I don't believe, and it IS true, and I die, then I'm DEAD wrong."

We broke up not too long after that. Not because of that. It wasn't right anyway. But, it did produce a productive memory.