Thursday, January 30, 2020

Bank, Taxes and Avon

Hello, World!

I am off tonight and tomorrow night. Don't have to go back to work until Saturday night.

Today, I get to go to the bank and then I get to go do my taxes! I also have to deliver some Avon. It's going to be a long day...but I'll get through it...

I am looking forward to getting my full tax refund this year. (I hope...) It will be the first time in fifteen years that I actually get to KEEP my money.

Well, long enough for me to pay off some loans, anyway...LOL

I am praising God for my job today.

Ya'll have a blessed day!

Wednesday, January 29, 2020

About Online Dating

Hello, World!

Someone made a remark to me yesterday about using the internet to seek a mate being akin to "getting ahead of God", in that it shows that you do not trust God enough to put who He wants in your life. While I agree, somewhat, to this statement, I need to clarify that I, personally, am not seeking a mate. I am seeking socialization. There is a difference.

Unfortunately, most men that I have talked to over the internet as I do so take advantage of the opportunity and make it a very harrowing experience. I have blocked 95% of those who have contacted me in response to my call for friendship as a result.

Men tend to see such calls as coming from someone who is desperate and lonely, and they wish to capitalize on their conquest, seeking to make another mark on their sexual ego sticks. I am neither desperate OR lonely.

Yes, I am single. I have spent the last six years bettering myself and my life. The only thing that would make my life "better" would be to be able to pick up the phone, call a friend and go have a great time out somewhere with someone familiar and comfortable who is after the same goal. Having isolated myself in order to focus on strengthening my home-base, I have neglected building a circle of friends in the process, and am now seeking to fix that problem.

This does not mean I am lonely. I am alone, by choice. There is a difference.

I am still in a place, mentally, as a matter of fact, where any attempt to disrupt the lifestyle I have come to enjoy over the last 6 years causes me to cringe in fear of that disruption and makes me want to run away from any possibility of that happening.

It would take someone VERY special to get past THAT wall, because I am too comfortable AND happy where I am.

But, I do need the socialization. I do need to step out and give God the opportunity to work in my life through a circle of friends. I do need accountability and self-education that one can find only in social settings. So, that is what I am looking to do in opening myself up on social media.

Ya'll have a blessed day!

Tuesday, January 28, 2020

Profile...or not?

Hello, World!

Had a visit with an internet friend for the first time today. I really enjoyed it! I hope we can get together again sometime in the future and hang out as well.

It isn't too often I agree to meeting with someone I met over the internet. As a matter of fact, this is probably only the third time since the year 2000, and the first two were not good experiences. I learned from them, though. LOL

Advice: always investigate before committing to meet up in person. It will save you LOTS of uneasy experiences. Thank God Facebook makes that a little easier. I informed my new friend that I had done so. You can't be too careful in this day and age when meeting total strangers. He was very understanding and agreed.

I have two more days of work before the new schedule comes out, and I have no idea when my next two days off are at this point. BUT, the Pitt Grill now not only has a NEW waffle machine, but also our deep fryer has finally been fixed. We now have French Fries and Country Fried Steaks again (as well as okra and fried squash!)

I also received my W-2s for both of the jobs I held in 2019. I am looking forward to getting this year's tax filing behind me. MAYBE I'll actually receive ALL my money this year.

I am also looking forward to getting on the phone on my next days off to try to drum up some Avon orders.

If anyone wants to be on the mailing list, PM me with your snail mail address!

Ya'll have a blessed day! (MINE IS!)

Monday, January 27, 2020

Love is an Action

Love is an action, not an emotion.

Love is a verb, not an adjective.

Jesus said we should love one another as He first loved us. How did He love us? He loved us by giving us everything we have, from the first breath we ever took to the daily necessities we can't live without, to the peace we feel when we draw our final breath.

We can only feel His arms around us when we become blessed with an answer to our prayers, or we come to the realization that what we have we could not have obtained on our own.

We pray for things that make us feel good and wonder why our prayers are not answered. We pray to have that soulmate who would fulfill us, when we already have the author of our soul to give us all we need to be whole.

And, all He has asked is that we "pay it forward."

When we see that person who is ill, we should care for them. Not just with our prayers, but with our PROVISION. Because God has provided us with our health.

When we see that homeless person on the street, we should help him. Not by just smiling and telling them, "I love you" (only words), but by PROVISION, leading him to shelter -- because God has provided us with shelter.

When we see the unemployed single mom or dad, we should do more than high five them for being so strong. We should help them with our PROVISION, helping them find and keep gainful employment so they are not dependent, as God has provided for us.

Jesus said we do not have our prayers answered because we ask amiss. Maybe what He meant was that we are always asking God to give us more, rather than asking God to help us give more.

Love, TRUE love, is giving back what has so graciously been given to you by graciously showing someone else what God has shown you, even when it hurts.

Jesus gave His life. He suffered great pain. He hungered. He thirsted. And, He never asked us to do anything but pay it forward.

Don't tell someone you love them.

SHOW them.

Saturday, January 25, 2020

My Anthem Song

This is still my Anthem, more than EVER...

I praise God through all my heartbreak and tears. I praise Him through my depression. I praise Him through my insecurity.

I praise Him when He puts something in front of me that I don't want, but know I need. I praise Him when I move forward with my life, even though I want to remain in hope that what is right here will change.

And I praise Him that I have friends who love me, anyway -- friends who are determined to force me to face the truth about myself, and friends who support my successes and give me a shoulder to cry on through my failures.

I praise God for every experience, good or bad. Without it, I would not have experienced the majesty and grandeur of His love for me as each overwhelming blessing is presented to me.

Trusting in God has taught me that love is letting go when everything in you wants to hang on, and that love is hanging on when you feel like giving up all at the same time.

Friday, January 24, 2020

My Three Day Weekend

Hello, World!

I've had a great few days off so far.

Today, I mailed off all of my Avon catalogs. And, I learned that mailing off the full brochure is not something I would like to do in the future. It costs me $1.90 just to mail each catalog. Each Catalog costs about .33 cents. Each envelope costs .10 cents. So, you are looking at a cost of

HOWEVER, if I mail off one mini-catalog, the total cost is .69/customer.

So, from now on, I will only be mailing off the mini-catalogs. If any of my customers want to see the full catalog, they can go online, OR they can order something out of the mini-catalog and I will give them a full catalog with their order. OR, they can come get one from me personally.

I mailed off to about 50 customers today. The clerk at the Post Office said, "Wouldn't it be cheaper to give it to them personally?" I answered her with, "Sure, if they were all ordering. However, it costs me about a tank and a half of gas to deliver each catalog. So, the cost is about the same right now. She agreed.

Personally, I think the .75 service charge needs to be raised, when you consider how many catalogs a customer gets before they order.

My "Gypsy" son finally called to check in. It sure made me sigh with relief to know he is still alive and well after several months not hearing from him. He has the worst luck keeping up with his phones.

I miss my baby boy. I have no idea what is going on with him. He has disappeared off of Facebook and I have NO way to contact him.

Today, I got a new haircut. I really like it. It is short and easy to maintain. And, it looks cute.

It's been so cold in my house because I don't have central heat or air. I've moved a space heater into my room and shut the doors. It keeps me warm enough, but going into the kitchen for a glass of tea nearly freezes my behind off. The housework is just going to have to wait until it's warmer...LOL

Prayers please for the officers at Telford Prison in New Boston. They have a VERY dangerous job. It is NOT easy babysitting grown monsters who would just as soon put you in the ground than do what it takes to rehabilitate.

I've been there. Just walking through those doors each day to go to work requires a LOT of courage. I am blessed to have worked with some REALLY GREAT people there.

Each day, there is a chance someone won't make it home.

The other day, a couple of officers almost didn't. Thankfully, due to the training and dedication of their co-workers, they were on the scene quick enough that these officers were saved. I have seen first-hand how quickly these men and women come to the aid of one of their own.

And, I thank God for those who keep our community safe from those who would perpetuate evil among us if given a chance!

Ya'll have a blessed day!

Thursday, January 23, 2020

Just Got Paid

Hello, World!

I have 3 whole days off after working 9 days straight at the Pitt Grill.

So, yesterday morning, when I got off work, I went home and washed my clothes. Then, I went to the bank to cash my check.

On the way to the Texarkana Wal-mart, where my bank is located, my car started running hot. I texted my mechanic friend and told him what my car was doing. The "check engine" light wasn't on. The oil meter showed normal. But the water meter was running hot. I pulled off at the nearest exit on King's Highway at the Nash exit, and went into the store, as instructed, and bought some anti-freeze...and a screw driver so I could pry my hood open because it doesn't pop open enough for me to get my fingers under it to push the hood latch.

My car, "Lulu", was thirsty.

After giving her a drink, I got back into the car and noted that all of the meters were back to normal.

Whew. That was scary.

I made my trip on to the bank. I deposited my weekly check and some Avon money I had earned from selling out of my bucket (minus the amount I had just spent on antifreeze and the screw driver), then I went shopping. I bought about $15 worth of stuff to snack on for the next 3 days. When I put my card in the reader at the register, it was declined. The cashier directed me to the ATM by my bank. The ATM said I had insufficient funds. It did not make sense. I had JUST made a deposit!

So I went to the teller and asked her why I could not use my card. She said that the system was down when she put in my deposit. Then she made 3 phone calls to get authorization to give me $20 to pay for my groceries. I was on pins and needles the rest of the day and did not get to bed until late in the afternoon because I was worried about my money that did not show up into my account (which I keep a close eye on over the internet...)

I finally had to make a phone call to ask when my money could be expected to show up. I have a phone bill that is to be auto-drafted from my account the next day, and I need my money IN the bank! She took my number and said she would investigate the matter and call me back. In less than ten minutes after the phone call, my money finally showed up, just before she called me.


When I woke up from sleeping, I washed dishes (there wasn't much, since the guys are finally doing their part...) dried my clothes, and fixed some tea and some buffalo chicken nuggets. I let the dogs out and spent the night updating my web blogs. And now, I'm working on some marketing.

I also played some online slot machines. I figured I deserved a little fun. But, I will have to be VERY careful with my money when it comes to doing that. I can only spend what I can afford to spend for "going out" money. I never go out much anyway...

I am looking forward to the next couple of days relaxing. And, my Avon order should be here this afternoon. I will also go sometime today to the post office to mail off 50 brochures.

Ya'll have a blessed day!

Monday, January 20, 2020

Single Me

Hello, World!

I've had a great last couple of days.

I've made new friends.

I've decided to not get totally into the dating arena. I'm not saying I won't go out with a friend and have a great time; but, I'm not looking for opportunities to do that either.

I've come to the conclusion that the whole "dating" thing is just too complicated. And, I am not certain I am ready for the drama that is associated with it. I have lived for a long time now without any drama in my life, and life has been peaceful. So, why should I change it now just because it's "time". Is it? Not sure about that, either.

And, until I AM sure, without a doubt in my mind about it, or about WHO I choose to go out with and WHAT we are planning to do, then I think I'm just going to remain where I am. I'm happy right now, why ruin it?

I am, however, still looking forward to a girl's night out sometime in the future.

Ya'll have a blessed day!

Friday, January 17, 2020

Casino Blues

Hello, World!

I've spent the last two days getting ready to launch my Avon catalog mail-off. I finally finished stuffing all my envelopes this morning.

Now I'm going to pay a bill, then work on my website marketing projects.

I really am looking forward to my next day off. AND, I am looking forward to a girls night out soon with a friend or two. Or three...if anyone wants to join us.

Doesn't Karaoke sound fun?

Come on, ladies!

I've also decided I am going to take a friend up on the casino invite. If I'm gonna waste money on a night out, I might as well make it a productive waste. Right? LOL I just have to budget for it. And leave my billfold at home and only carry a certain amount with me so I'm not tempted to spend more than I've budgeted for...LOL

Whether I win or lose, at least I'll have some fun!

Well, Ya'll have a blessed day!

Thursday, January 16, 2020

Working Hard for the Money

Hello, World!

I am in the process of labeling and stuffing all my catalogs into envelopes to be mailed off. On Monday, I will start mailing to all my customers.

It has taken so long because I have over 80 customers in my customer base, and I don't have the money right now to get them their books. I've done well to deliver what Avon I have sold and pay the Avon bill as I play catch-up.

Right after Thanksgiving, one of my customers ordered over $80 worth of Avon and then disappeared without a trace, so I am having to slowly re-sell her stuff and it placed more strain on my business. This is why I have been pushing online sales and bucket sales more lately, and not been trying to sell out of the catalog. She was a "trusted" customer, so I went ahead and made half of her order. Thank God I didn't order the other half.

I will be working at the Pitt Grill for six more days before I get a day off, due to co-workers who are taking leave to take care of personal family business, and are sick. I have been blessed not to catch all that seems to be going around so far, but pray I don't!

Tonight, I will be working with Luanna! So, ya'll come by and say HI!

Have a blessed day!

Make sure you visit my Avon store! Orders over $60 get free shipping!

Wednesday, January 15, 2020

Oh Happy Day

Good morning, World!

Every day just keeps getting better since I took off my "down and depressed" and put on my "happy face because I am blessed no matter how I feel!"

Yesterday I went to the bank and deposited my check. It's only the 15th, and I have almost paid all my bills for the month.

I sold about $15 worth of Avon out of my bucket this morning before I left work.

I went to the mailbox and received a book by James Langston through the mail, in which he included my "Forward".

I came in the house and Ginger, the cat, who had snuck out the door when I opened it, and disappeared for four days, was home. And, the baby-dogs were excited to see Momma, too! (Nothing like coming home to someone who's happy to see me!)

And, now, I'm sitting here relaxing in front of the computer with my glass of tea for awhile before I have to rest so I can work again tonight.

I have an invitation to go to the casino after next payday...(still debating with myself on that...although, it could be fun).

And I have a GREAT God watching over me.

Well, I hope ya'lls day is as blessed as mine is!

Monday, January 13, 2020


Hello, World!

I just got off work after working with Janice all night at the Pitt Grill in New Boston. We didn't have a bad night for a Sunday slow night.

Thanks to those (you know who you are) who stopped by just to say, "Hey!" It was uplifting, even though I was busy doing my cleaning duties at the time.

Today's resolution is this: to renew my stand against negativity in my life. Anything that makes me feel bad, look back in regret, feel hurt, or misunderstood, or makes me angry, ashamed or feel like the low man on the totem pole, I am not going to allow to occupy my thoughts. I will find something better to do than think about it.

And, anyone who tries to bring it back into my day will get shunned real quick by me. I am NOT going to tolerate it anymore -- not from myself, and certainly not from anyone else.

I am worth so much more than that.

I want to feel happy, loved, appreciated, and fulfilled. I am determined to live Single, Whole and Satisfied with what I have. At this point, Jesus is all I have, (outside of what He has blessed me with) and that is enough.

If you see me smiling, in a good mood, content and at peace, don't bring anything to me that is going to interrupt that. I REALLY need to focus on all that is good.

Philippians 4: 8-9
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you.

God knows the last few months have seen a different side of me...not the person I want to be. It's time I dust myself off and pick up my crown and put it back on. And, NEVER let ANYTHING knock it off my head again.

Emotions are over-rated. Love is an action, not a feeling. And, if I don't maintain my integrity, persistence, dedication and determination toward all things good, then I am killing who God is calling me to be.

I hope I see you all in my brighter future!

Have a blessed day!

Sunday, January 12, 2020

I Just Want to be Happy

Hello, World!

Last night I spent listening to Christian music on Pandora radio while I:

Cleaned house
Surfed Traffic Exchanges
Talked to some friends on messenger
Cleaned a new bucket for my Avon
Organized my Budget
Played with my baby-dogs
Updated my blogs
And talked to God the whole time.

I will never be the person I was this last year again. I'm done with that. This last year was really exhausting and miserable.

Sometimes when people give you advice, it's best to sweep it under the rug, because if they have never been through it, OR where they came out is not a choice you would have made, then they have NO idea what they are talking about.

And, I've received a LOT of advice about different things through-out the year that I tried to take and just made me more miserable.

So, I've decided to do what I know works, because it did before. I've given everything to Jesus to take care of. If I have a complaint or want to fuss, I go to HIM. And, then I wait for an answer, and usually, when He does, I either laugh, feel grateful, or it's like a light-switch turns on in my head and I say, "OH, NOW I SEE!"

I still have old habits to break that I picked up this past year, but it doesn't seem like it's going to be as hard as I thought it was going to be to break them. Especially now that I realize that it is the ONLY way back to where I want to be.

Ya'll have a blessed day!

Saturday, January 11, 2020

I Can't Even Walk Without You Holding My Hand


You have distanced Yourself so You could see how faithful I was, and I failed You because I can't do anything without holding Your hand. You have taught me that my life is not mine to control, but Yours to direct. You have taught me that I can't trust myself, and that I should trust You more. And, You have taught me how it feels to You to love us when we clearly don't love You enough.

No matter how much I love You, Lord, it will never measure up to the love You have shown me.

So, now, I give everything I've had my hand in back to You. I've made a mess of it, Lord, so You might have some cleansing to do. But, I can't do what only You can do...and I am tired of trying. I need Your Grace and Your Mercy now more than ever.

And, I really wish You'd give me that miracle, but I understand why You don't.

In Jesus' Name, I pray, Amen!

Friday, January 10, 2020

Memories of a life lived: Dentures

I was 24 when I got my upper dentures. My baby boy was 3 years old.

One day, he was crying and throwing a fit, pulling on his teeth. It was as if the whole world was crashing down on him.

Sympathetic to WHATEVER pain my baby boy was in, I knelt down and said, "Justin, let momma see, does your teeth hurt or something?"

He shook his head "No", tears rolling down his cheek.

"Then, what in the WORLD is the MATTER?!"

He said, "I can't get them OOOOUUUUTTT!"

I told him his teeth weren't SUPPOSED to come out!

He said, "YOURS DOOOO!"

Sunday, January 5, 2020

Walking Away

Hello, World.

Today was a day of decision.

I have decided that I am not going to be someone that sits around and waits for life to come to me. I'm going to go to it.

I have decided that, in spite of how I might feel about a situation, or in spite of what I want right now, I'm going to go where the door is open and quit looking at a closed door and hoping someone unlocks it.

Maybe I'll make my way back some day and find the door open for me, but if it is locked, then obviously, God has other plans for me right now. It's time to move on.

One of the things I learned as I went through my healing during the past six years, is that opportunity is everywhere. I should never do without anything I need because if I can't find it in one place, it always appears somewhere else -- and usually it's where God wants me to be at that moment. And, even if it is inconvenient for me to go where I need to go to get my needs met, and I would rather not make the effort, I've learned that the blessing is sometimes found in the journey.

So, it's time I move on.

I can rest assured that I was where I needed to be until then. God has a reason for everything that happens in life. Even if the lesson isn't for me.

And, as much as I want to continue to try to move a mountain by myself, I know, deep down, that mountains can only be moved by God.

I look around me right now and I see so many opportunities that are in front of me that, three years ago, I would not have hesitated to move on. But, as I sit here spinning my wheels, and getting dirty from all the mud slinging on me, I see them slowly passing by me. I can still grab hold of them, if I reach out now and do it.

I don't know where these opportunities are going to take me. I don't know if I will regret the time I've spent spinning my wheels. I don't even know if I will ever have an opportunity to walk through the locked door that has been in front of me for awhile. But, I do know that time reveals everything, and that life is short, and if I don't take a chance that what I find on the journey I need to take is what I need, then I will miss the blessings in front of me.

Time heals everything. God works in my tomorrow as much as He does in my today. And, God is infinite. Where I have seen Him in my past, I know I will see Him in my future. And, if He sees fit to wind the road back to where I am right now, and I am able to see the door in front of me without a lock on it, I will go through it then. It's all in God's timing, not mine.

All things work together for the good for those who love the Lord and are called according to HIS purpose.

Thy will be done, O Lord.

Have a blessed day.

Saturday, January 4, 2020

Wasting Time

Hello, World,

This morning I took a bath and determined that I was going to have a good Saturday. I got dressed up, put make-up on and then checked my finances to see what I had to work with.

Nothing. My credit is maxed out, my bank account is depleted. I have a little bit of change to go have coffee with, but my coffee "date" was too busy this morning with something previously planned that probably turned into a disaster.

No pizza this weekend, I guess, either.

I updated my websites and tried to stay busy with some marketing...but that gets old when you have the first weekend off are all dressed up with no where to go.

So, I contacted another friend to see if they wanted to go have coffee somewhere.

They, too, were "occupied" with business to take care of.

At this point, I'm feeling let down.

So, I started sulking. Again.

I thought about what I could do, anything, for socialization. I have a full tank of gas. I could go riding around...but what is the point in wasting gas? It costs money I don't have.

Besides, I'm more practical than that. Even when I go to the grocery store to get something, I go straight to what I need and come out.

I could go out and walk around the block. But, that doesn't give me the socialization I need. I end up right back where I'm trying to get away from.

So, I just sat there and brooded.

I thought about what I would do if I had the money. Then I stopped. No sense thinking about things I have no control over right now.

A friend I hadn't heard from in years contacted me on Facebook. I was excited. Maybe HE would want to meet for coffee somewhere...

It was a nice chat, but he was at work.

Geez. Doesn't anyone get a Saturday off anymore?

Just as I was settling in to think about that, another friend messaged me. An old high school classmate. We reminisced a few moments, had a nice chat, then I was back to sulking.

Then, my step-cousin I grew up with commented on something I had posted out of the blue. I remembered the fun I used to have with them when I was a kid. I smiled. I took him to private messenger to catch up-to-date with him. That was nice, while it lasted.

Then, I finally gave up. Took off all the clothes I had on, dawned my jammies, washed my face and decided to just go back to bed and sleep. It beat sitting here wishing for something I didn't have -- again.

It's hard to have a life when everyone you know is busy or lives miles away. I prayed to God, again. At least He is never too busy, or too far away.

Ya'll have a blessed night.

Friday, January 3, 2020

Pay Day and Sleep

Hello, World!

I hope everyone has started their New Year off well! I worked until last night, now I get the weekend off.

Today I took my housemate, Gary, to Wal-mart and I went to the bank to deposit their rent money, and then I came home and rested. I slept a full eight hours.

It was the first time in a LONG time that I have been able to sleep so well...except that I woke up once and had to turn the A/C on so I could breathe. It was hot.

Yeah, I live in TEXAS. (And, I'm PROUD of it!)

Now, I'm fixing to pay some more bills before my water gets turned off, and go over my finances, and do some updates on my blogs.

Ya'll have a blessed night!

Wednesday, January 1, 2020


Happy January 1, World!

This is the first day of a New Year and a NEW life.

If you were my friend on December 31, then rest assured, you are STILL my friend. Nothing has changed. I still love you all as much as I did yesterday.

But, I have spent all of the holidays in reflection and brooding over a life I want but don't have. No more brooding. No more sulking. No more envy for those who have more than I.

I really HATED 2019. It started out great, and then went downhill REAL fast. I hated myself. I hated everything in it, and everything I found that I didn't hate, I found it out of my reach.

I know God must be shaking His head at me for some of it. And not smiling at all when He does it.

But, I also know that God still loves me. He's still talking to me. He's still listening...even though the answer is no (or, is it "No, not right now?" -- doesn't matter. No means NO).

SOOOOO...this year I'm going in with a different attitude. I'm determined to put what I want but can't have on the back shelf of my closet to look at now and then and assess whether or not it is something I still want as the year progresses.

I am going back to the me that was at the beginning of the year when I didn't know how idiotic I could be, and when I felt grateful just to be alive. I am going to remember how God coasted me through the hard times until I was okay to stand alone, and I am going to PRAY and give Him the WHAT FOR for letting me.

Then, I'm going to tell Him I still love Him with all my heart, mind and soul, and ask Him not to do that again.

THEN, I'm going to go out and enjoy my life. I may not have much. I may be struggling, but a social life is a must. And, I've found some great friends to have that kind of life with. (I worked with one of them tonight. And, hopefully, I'll be having pizza with another one later today!)

EVERYTHING that was in 2019 is going to stay there. I plan to look forward into the future and stop dwelling on the past. My memories are only there if CHOOSE to reflect. And, this year, I choose to put what is behind me behind me and move forward.

I AM important. I AM worth it. And, if anyone treats me less than, then they shouldn't be to me. This includes my friends, my family and my co-workers. And anyone else I happen to run into.

And if anyone refuses to be a part of my 2020 with me, I say, "Have a nice life" and I will continue to love you from afar, but I have to keep moving forward, because to dwell on that drags me down, and my happiness is important too.

I hope ya'll have a VERY good 2020, and I PRAY I see you ALL in mine!