Resolution

Happy January 1, World!

This is the first day of a New Year and a NEW life.

If you were my friend on December 31, then rest assured, you are STILL my friend. Nothing has changed. I still love you all as much as I did yesterday.

But, I have spent all of the holidays in reflection and brooding over a life I want but don't have. No more brooding. No more sulking. No more envy for those who have more than I.

I really HATED 2019. It started out great, and then went downhill REAL fast. I hated myself. I hated everything in it, and everything I found that I didn't hate, I found it out of my reach.

I know God must be shaking His head at me for some of it. And not smiling at all when He does it.

But, I also know that God still loves me. He's still talking to me. He's still listening...even though the answer is no (or, is it "No, not right now?" -- doesn't matter. No means NO).

SOOOOO...this year I'm going in with a different attitude. I'm determined to put what I want but can't have on the back shelf of my closet to look at now and then and assess whether or not it is something I still want as the year progresses.

I am going back to the me that was at the beginning of the year when I didn't know how idiotic I could be, and when I felt grateful just to be alive. I am going to remember how God coasted me through the hard times until I was okay to stand alone, and I am going to PRAY and give Him the WHAT FOR for letting me.

Then, I'm going to tell Him I still love Him with all my heart, mind and soul, and ask Him not to do that again.

THEN, I'm going to go out and enjoy my life. I may not have much. I may be struggling, but a social life is a must. And, I've found some great friends to have that kind of life with. (I worked with one of them tonight. And, hopefully, I'll be having pizza with another one later today!)

EVERYTHING that was in 2019 is going to stay there. I plan to look forward into the future and stop dwelling on the past. My memories are only there if CHOOSE to reflect. And, this year, I choose to put what is behind me behind me and move forward.

I AM important. I AM worth it. And, if anyone treats me less than, then they shouldn't be to me. This includes my friends, my family and my co-workers. And anyone else I happen to run into.

And if anyone refuses to be a part of my 2020 with me, I say, "Have a nice life" and I will continue to love you from afar, but I have to keep moving forward, because to dwell on that drags me down, and my happiness is important too.

I hope ya'll have a VERY good 2020, and I PRAY I see you ALL in mine!