Last night I sat down and took stock of everything I have done in the past 3 years. I was searching to pinpoint the exact moment that I must have replaced God with something else I wanted in my life. I have been feeling as if God was further and further away from me and no matter how much I knew it was me who was pushing Him away, I couldn't bring myself to do what it took to pull Him back.
I kept hoping I could have both. But, we all know that God doesn't work that way. It's all or nothing with Him.
The saving Grace was that the more I fought to have what I wanted, the more God fought to make me see that HE was what I REALLY wanted, and nothing else was going to bring me the fulfillment and joy I was seeking.
Last night, He won. The wrestling match is over. I submit.
I told Him so. I meant it. Just like I meant it that day on December 31, 2013.
It is time to give up what I was working so hard for and let Him give me what He wants me to have. No matter how big or small that may seem to me (We all know that nothing God gives is really "small". It's ALL big. It's a matter of perspective).
This morning, I woke up and the first thing I did was turn on Pandora Radio to listen to my Christian Praise Music. It's a new day. It's a new life. (again). I am determined to let God make it so.
The first song I heard was God's message to me. I needed to hear it. I heard the message loud and clear.
Thank You, Father, for Jesus. And, thank You so much for speaking to me in such a loud voice again!
The best thing about being a child of God is that no matter how many times you wander astray, no matter how many bad decisions you make, or sins you commit out of curiosity and err, God is always waiting for you to come home with His arms open wide!
Oh, the feeling I get when those arms close in around me and give me that great big hug I have so needed!
Have a blessed day!