How Great is Our God!

Hello, World!

I've spent the last two days with the guys and my baby-dogs. We've laughed a lot at the puppies and their antics. Milo is so funny, and Otis is a trip!

I've rested and spent a lot of time in prayer and in the Word, too. I'm getting ready for the New Year. I wonder what God has in store for me in 2019!

2018 was a BLAST!

God showed up and showed out all year long. I saw Him work first hand in my life as I went from working at Denny's and living in my tiny one-bedroom apartment in Texarkana, to purchasing a new home, and beginning my job as a Corrections Officer.

Working where I do right now is something I never in a million years saw myself doing -- EVER.

At work, the other day, as I was minding my area, the prisoners were having a Bible Study. One of the prisoners was leading about 10 others in worship and prayer. Another prisoner, who was not participating walked by the desk where I was sitting and watching.

He said, "Isn't it something how people come to prison and suddenly start being preachers?"

I immediately responded, "God doesn't call the qualified. He qualifies the called."

He raised his eyebrows in thought as he continued on his way from the Day room to his cubicle.

Wow. I thought. That'll preach.

It has inspired me to work with what I, myself, have been given to work with to get out the message God wants me to give out.

As I spent the year "straightening my crown", I realized that I have a story to tell that Glorifies my Lord and Savior. God gave me that story. He wants me to tell it.

I can sum it all up in a few words:

God is a GREAT and MIGHTY GOD! NOTHING is IMPOSSIBLE with HIM!

Happy New Year!

I hope you all have a blessed one!

Church

You know the old joke: If a tree falls in the forest and you are not there to see it, does it make a sound?

Makes me think. If there were no churches for people to congregate at on Sunday, would there still be Christians?

If there was no church to go to, would it lessen your responsibility to do what God has commanded? What Jesus instructed? Would we still be required and able to love one another as God has first loved us? To do good to one another? To help one another? To tell everyone about Jesus?

Why then, do some Christians couple going to church with being a Christian? Why do they judge others who do not congregate on Sunday? Some even say it is a sin not to attend church.

The Bible doesn't say that.

The Bible says that we should have fellowship with other believers. It doesn't set aside a specific day and time, or say how many have to be there, or tell you that your prayers are not answered if you are not in church to pray them. I have searched and searched the Bible for such verses to support that thought, and found none.

I believe firmly, therefore, that if people would concentrate more on BEING the church instead of GOING to church, the world would be a better place.

Praising God because He is God!

Hello, World!

Today, I woke up and made spaghetti.

That is the thing about being a day-sleeper. When I wake up, it is time for dinner. So, I made spaghetti for me and the guys.

Then, I sat down and opened my Facebook. Immediately, I was looking at a memory from this day in 2014.

It was the year I made the decision that changed my life. The year I decided to follow Jesus with my whole being -- heart, soul and mind -- and to remain single and focused on God.

So much has changed since that year. God has blessed me enormously. But, I have learned that the struggle never really ends. It just becomes easier to endure with a different perspective.

For instance, I used to not have nice clothes to wear. Now, I have clothes to wash and put away, and decide what to wear, what I want to keep and what I want to give away. I am just not complaining now, because I remember four years ago -- which seems like only yesterday -- when I had no clothes. I praise God for the struggle.

I don't complain about having to clean my house because I now have a home to call my own that I need to clean. Four years ago, I was barely able to pay rent on a cheap apartment.

I don't complain about not having a defogger, heat and air in my car or a window that won't roll all the way up, causing me to have to park so far from the entrance at work, because four years ago I didn't have a car. What a blessing my car is!

My phone window is cracked, but I have a phone.

I have food in my kitchen refrigerator and freezer and in the cupboards.

I have a GREAT job. I never in a million years thought I would be where I am now just four years ago. I worked at a hotel, cleaning rooms for about 20 hours a week at just above minimum wage. Then, I went to work at a local hospital cleaning rooms for twice the pay. Then I went to work at Denny's restaurant. And now, I am a corrections officer at a local prison working for the great state of Texas!

I have my health. Praise GOD! I have my health. Three months ago, I could have died, but God saw fit to let me live!

I praise God for the insurance that God provided through my great job! It helped me pay my bills during my recuperation! Four years ago, I was told I had to live with my illness. Three months ago, I was told that if I hadn't gone to the emergency room to seek help when I did, I would not have lived another week.

I have my computer. Four years ago, I did not have one. I scrimped and saved. My laptop computer now has missing buttons so I have to hook up a keyboard. The mouse pad sucks so I got me a wireless mouse. My screen is lopsided...but I have a computer. It has been a source of entertainment and communication with all of you on a daily basis. It has been my means of reaching out, advising, asking for help, and telling you all how God has blessed me, and how He can bless YOU!

God has brought me so far, so fast, one day at a time. While I was going through it, however, it seemed like it was taking forever. Now, as I look back, it's as if it was only yesterday.

God will not snap His fingers to make things happen when you want it. He will give you opportunities, and make you wait for the results, so you can praise Him all the more when it finally happens! So you can clearly see God's hand in where you are!

God has given me so much. Now I struggle to figure out what my goals should be, if I should have the goals that I set, and when does contentment mean I stop striving to be in a better place -- mind, body and soul?

I think I have come to the conclusion that it's okay to strive, as long as I accept that if I remain where I am for the rest of my life, it will be okay, simply because God is God.

Planning the New Year Ahead

As the New Year fast approaches, I reflect on my journey so far, and wonder what the future holds in store for me. Just a short five years ago, I was barely hanging on, grasping for straws. I had no clothes, let alone jewelry and make up. I had no car. I had no computer. I had a real cheap cell phone because I had to. I lived in a bed-bug infested apartment I could barely pay rent on. I worked 20 hours a week at a local motel to pay the bills. It was me and my dog Milo, no one else. And, I had just been diagnosed with gall stones that I had no insurance to take care of and had to live with.

Today, God has brought me so far. I praise Him at every turn. I write down my experiences so others can see that God is not a God of the impossible, and that He has a plan -- if you are willing to follow Him.

One of the things I have learned on this journey is not to make plans. God has a way of interrupting them when you least expect it, and if you are bound to the plans you make, you cannot see the blessings God has to offer through His.

But, I do have goals.

My recent illness has left with a lot of bills to take care of. I plan to pay them.

In January, I want to take care of treating the guys at Daniel's Used Tires. I was not able to have my Jesus Feast this year due to my recent move to my new home and the illness that followed it, but God is setting me back up right now, and I need to follow through on my promises as He follows through on His.

I still don't know how I am going to do it yet. But, I'd like to purchase some gifts for them. I am hoping that my web site will garner the support I need to get it done.

I have created a group for the web site on Facebook to help me out as well. Or, you can use this button below:

Anything above and beyond what I need that is donated will go toward my annual Jesus Feast at the end of the year. I hope to be able to buy gifts for the homeless next Christmas Season as well.

Jeremiah 29:11

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.”

Honesty...

Learned this. Not going to be who I am not around anybody. Why I am not afraid to post EVERYTHING about my life. The good, the bad and the ugly. I've learned by doing this that I am NOT. And, those who complain about it have something to hide...always. I don't. I am me. Like me, love me, hate me, I don't care. The only person I care about judgment from is God, and hiding things about myself from other people is not going to change the fact that HE already knows.

Everything to me

When I was young, there were several times that I thought I had found "the one". Each time left me hurt, angry, feeling betrayed, unwanted, unneeded, or even objectified. I gave all I had in each only to be disappointed.

It wasn't until this last relationship ended that I realized that I had been giving all I was and all I had to the wrong person. I decided it was time to correct that.

Now, I am able to give all I have and all I am to the One who created me for His own glory. In return, He has sustained, strengthened, upheld, protected and provided for me in ways I never imagined were possible.

Yes, I have stumbled in my desire to please Him, but I have immediately stood up each time and dusted myself off and "straightened my crown," determined that weakness was temporary, and love was eternal.

As a single Christian, I find myself able to do things that I know that should I have a mate, would be missed. Like, acting on impulse to bless someone else, or openly showing my gratitude to others for what my husband should be providing.

Then, I felt so alone and hopeless. Now I find that I am never lonely, even when I am alone. I have discovered new ways to fill the void that being single often leaves on others -- ways that I would not be as free to practice if I had a mate.

I am FREE to be TOTALLY ME; the person God created me to be.

I find myself in total agreement with Paul as I live out these words of wisdom from the Holy Book:

1 Corinthians 7:
32 But I would have you without carefulness. He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:

33 But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.

34 There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.

I have also found that I have no problem being single and being able to celebrate the marriage and happiness of my friends who have reached milestones with each other in their own lives. To each his own. What is given for me to be and do is not so for others.

Having said that, I am extremely Happy for my friend Rosa Edwards today as she and her husband celebrate 24 years of marriage.

I wrote a poem when I was 12 years old one day, doodling on my book cover in class, that goes something like this:

I look my eyes up to the sky
And ask the Lord above so high
"Why me?" Then comes from the blue,
"Because, my child, you are YOU!"

I praise God for who I am today. And like Paul, I wish to remain single, and I would that others could have the experience I have had being so.

Colossians 3
23 And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;

I have endeavored to be the best single person I can be for the Lord.

The song below says everything I have said above. It fits perfect.

Milo My Love

I told my abusive, drug addicted ex that I was with for nearly 3 years at the time, that I wanted a chihuaha. So, on one of his trips out of town, he procured me a baby girl. He was unable to bring her home because she was still too young, and he would have to work for her. I knew that he often lied to me to get something he wanted, and I wondered what his angle was this time...

But, I made plans anyway. Expect the worst, hope for the best. That was my motto.

The year was 2012. The Mayans said the world would end that year. So, I decided that in order to remember when I got her, I would name her "Maya."

It was in January that he finally brought my baby-dog home. He was tiny. He could barely fill my hand. He was only nine weeks old. And, he had a broken tail that made him look special. My ex said the little girl died, so he got him instead.

It didn't take me long to figure out a name for him. Something close to "Maya". I decided to call him "Milo".

Milo. My love.

As he grew used to his new surroundings, as all puppies do, he became extremely playful. He loved to attack our feet as we walked across the floor. He loved wrestling my hands, and jumping on my face when I would play peek-a-boo.

Milo came to accept me as "momma", and he also knew I would do anything to protect him.

We never knew what mood my ex would come home in. And, my ex had bad feet. So, one day, when Milo innocently attacked his feet as he came in the door, My ex went into a rage.

Milo ran as fast as his little feet could carry him across the slick floor. I was sitting in a chair. He literally climbed up my legs as if he were a cat and immediately buried his face in my chest. I immediately covered him with my hands as he whimpered.

My ex was yelling, "I'm gonna KILL that d*** dog!" and was chasing him. As I covered Milo with my hands and held him close to me, I immediately rose up and got in my ex's face and said, "No, you will NOT. You aren't going to do ANYTHING to hurt this baby."

I guess he didn't know what to think of the look on my face, so he backed down.

I guess, from that moment on, Milo got the message that I was his guardian angel. We became closer than ever.

At night, Milo would snuggle up to me and look at me with those adoring eyes and fall asleep. In the morning, Milo would lick my face until I was awake to take him outside.

When my ex got violent with me, I know Milo felt helpless. He would sadly stare at us and whimper quietly as he sat as far away from us as possible. I was HIS guardian angel, and he was too little to protect me. I was so afraid that if he ever tried, my ex would kill him in a fit of rage.

When I finally got rid of my ex, It was the last time he got violent with me. I was working at a hotel that allowed me to have a room for a couple of nights for free. on the second night, I called my ex and told him that I wanted him to leave.

My ex balked. He said I couldn't ask him to leave. He was on the lease. I told him, "Okay, have it your way. I'll be there with the police tomorrow. I will be pressing charges on you." At that point, he agreed to leave.

"Oh, and by the way, when you leave, you will leave my dog there. And, if I find that ONE hair on his furry little body is hurt, I will put you UNDER the jail."

When I got home the next day, my ex was gone. Milo was SOOO happy to see me.

When I finally threw my ex out for the last time, Milo seemed to take on a more confident personna when he realizes that that mean guy wasn't coming back. I had packed all my ex's stuff in boxes and contacted him to come pick it up.

It was about 2 months before my ex finally came to get his stuff.

We were outside. Milo was on a leash. My ex was in a truck with another guy as they drove up, Milo started growling. Somehow, he KNEW that that mean guy was in that truck. It was as if he could smell him. Milo never did that with any other vehicles that drove up.

When my ex got out of the truck, Milo went into attack mode. He barked harder and louder than ever. He was growling and gnashing his teeth. He was ANGRY.

It was as if he was saying, "NO. YOU ARE NOT COMING BACK IN THIS HOME!"

I have never seen Milo like that. Milo had found his courage. Milo was backing up his Momma. He was a pitt bull in a chihuaha's body.

All the neighbors knew and loved Milo when he came outside. Milo would always give them a Happy Bark to say hello. I immediately took Milo into my arms as he gnashed and growled, and my ex got his stuff and left with tears running down his face. I guess he realized how much of an ass he really had been at that point.

The neighbors said, "Yeah, Milo knows one when he sees one."

Milo and I lived happily ever after. We had been through so much together. We have a special history that Otis will never know.

I don't know the exact date he was born. I know it was in November of 2012. So, I'll choose this day to say Happy Birthday, Milo, My Love.

Half a Century - 10 Things I've Learned this Year

On October 30, 2018 I will be a half-century old. Fifty years sounds like a long time, but it was only yesterday that I was playing with hoola-hoops and lemon twists, rubics cubes and spirographs.

But, each year I sum up all I have learned in ten statements. This is this year's summary:

1. God's will, done God's way, will never lack God's resources: When I thought I was going to lose everything, my faith saw me through.

2. God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called: When I applied at the age of fourty-nine to become a corrections officer, I felt so unqualified. God saw different.

3. God presents the opportunity, it is our decision whether or not to take it: Yes, He can snap a finger to fix all your problems, but if we don't want them fixed it will be for nothing. So, He presents us with opportunities with which we can fix our problems, and appreciate God's grace and mercy at the same time.

4. God's protection sometimes requires us to sacrifice: One morning I had to break a window to get to work. On the way to work, I realized I could have been killed if I'd left 10 minutes earlier, the time it took me to break into my car.

5. God may not remove a mountain, but He will help you climb it. He may not quench the fire, but He'll walk through it with you: My recent gallbladder problems made me realize that if God was not in my life and in control, I would not have had what I needed to get through it, so I could remain where He wanted me.

6. When you act as God's hands and feet, communication with God is so much more clear. When God tells me to do something to bless others, usually it's because he wants to show me something or teach me something. I always come away feeling more blessed, as if I had received a lot more than I gave.

7. God's tests lead to restoration AND renovation. Sometimes where you are leads through some tough times, where you think you are giving up what you have. But if you allow God to continue to lead and guide you, then all you have to leave behind is just in front of you, with a LOT more to enjoy! I had to give up my baby dogs a couple of years ago because I was not where God needed me to be at that time to care for them. It is my decisions to follow God's lead that brought them back to me in a place where they and I will never have to leave again.

8. Patience is, indeed, a virtue. I've asked God for a lot of things. Sometimes the answer is "No." Most of the time, the answer is "Not right now, and not that way." My things I'm asking God for a list has dwindled. Some things I received immediately. Some things I had to wait 5 years for. I wanted to buy my grandma's property and was heartbroken because I couldn't. But God gave me something else that was better and put me in a much better place then what I would have had if I had done that.

9. Being spiritual, and being religious are two different things. Doing things to make you look like a child of God doesn't make you a child of God. There is nothing you can do to earn salvation. It is a gift that is only valued by giving it away.

10. Jesus has many faces, but one heart and one spirit. He has many hands and feet. You don't go to church, you ARE the church. Sometimes you are the only Jesus someone else will ever see. Represent him well so they too can become Jesus for someone else.

Caring about how others feel about me...

In my experience, I have learned not to care if others care as much as I do. It really doesn't matter to me how they feel. Love isn't supposed to be two sided. God didn't say "only care about others who care about you as much". So, whether others care or not doesn't matter. Sure, it can hurt if you really value the fact that they should care. But when you stop basing your relationships on how the other person feels, you are much happier. As far as I am concerned, God loved me enough to die for me. That's all I need to be happy.

I CAN

When I was 18, I was dating my second ex-husband -- about 6 years before we actually married.

I was struggling with a baby, being unmarried, and having to do it without the help of my parents or the government for the most part.

When my ex would offer advice, I would say things like, "I can't do that because..." and so forth.

Finally, one day, my ex grabbed me by the shoulders and turned me toward him and said, "I am sick and tired of hearing 'I can't'! You CAN. You can do anything you set your mind to do. I don't EVER want to hear you say 'I Can't' again. Do you hear me?"

From that day forward, the words "I can't" were stricken from my vocabulary.

There were times I tried, and failed. But, because I tried, I found more doors opened to me that had not been open before that I could try.

There were times I did things while I was shaking in my boots, scared to death. But, because I did not let fear stop me, I ended up in places I never EVER dreamed I'd ever be in.

When we divorced, after five years of marriage, it was a very cordial divorce. But, the one thing he said to me before I drove away was this:

"When we first met, I remember you couldn't cross the street without having someone hold your hand. You were like a caterpillar, young and fragile.

"Now, you act as if there is nothing you can't do. You've changed so much. It's as if that little caterpillar has turned into an enormous butterfly!"

I think about that a lot.

I remember when my kids were little and they would say they couldn't do something, I would stop them, make them look at me and say, "Do you believe in God? Do you believe that with God all things are possible? Don't say you can't until you try with all your heart! You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you!"

I can't is not in my vocabulary, no matter how big or scary the road ahead of me is.

Can't never could.

I CAN.

Memories of a life lived: I Cannot Deny

I was going to be evicted from my home. I had already sent my son to live with his dad, because I knew that soon I would be out on the streets with no job, and had no way of knowing where his next meal was going to come from. It broke my heart. It sent me into the deepest depression I had ever experienced in my life.

Nearly two weeks after I sent my son away, I met a man in our apartment complex, through the urging of a well-meaning neighbor who was trying to play "match-maker".

I had an attitude when I met him. As she left us alone, I looked at him and said, "I guess you want to hear my whole life story now?" He was still looking at the door after she left. He shrugged, nonchalant and said, "I guess that would be a good place to start."

So, I did. I spent ten hours, into the wee hours of the morning talking. He listened. He wasn't bored. He listened with interest. I started from my first memories and told him the good, the bad, and the ugly about myself.

I didn't know this man. I certainly didn't want another relationship. Bad relationships just caused me to give up my heart. My baby boy. My heart was broken in a million pieces. I didn't care. I probably would never see him again.

Two days later, I found myself at his home again, upon his invitation to watch "Stargate" with him. We watched every episode available. It was a treat.

As I was leaving, he was flipping a coin in hand. Later, he told me he was thinking, "Should I or shouldn't I? Why not...What could I lose?"

He was telling me he'd see me later. I told him, "Sure, if I'm not evicted by then..." He knew my story.

He stopped me and said, "Why don't you move in with me. I'll help you pay up your rent, get out from under it, and you can stay here and just....take a break. You need a break. Life is too heavy for you right now. You need to rest. Then, when you feel up to it again, you can go find a job and get back on your feet."

It was nearly a year later when he got a job as a truck driver and left me to take care of his business at home while he stayed gone for weeks at a time. One week when he came home for a break, we were discussing things. I was reminded of a story from the Bible and I told him, "You know, there is this man in the Bible who went through something similiar..." it was an innocent conversation. I was trying to be encouraging.

He listened with interest. He even commented. He was not a believer. But, he had a story of his own about a past that could have left him destitute. He was a recovering crack addict who lived on the streets until he decided to turn his life around. He went to police academy, got off the drugs, and even though he didn't become a cop, he made a living driving a wrecker and hauling off cars to be impounded.

It was then I found out he was the one who towed away my car on Christmas Eve the year before...just when things were turning bad.

Part of me wanted to shake my fists at him. But I listened. I forgave. After all, look where I was, considering where I could have been.

He then told me that a street preacher had prophesied to him that he was destined to become a preacher. He doubted that sincerely. God wasn't his thing.

I told him of the time I found myself pregnant again for the second time out of wedlock, and watched a preacher on TV with Cerebral Palsy who shouted at the TV as if he was talking to me alone and said, "My name is David. I have Cerebral Palsy. What's YOUR problem?"

We laughed. He made the statement, "I'm glad you aren't a Christian." That hit me like a ton of bricks. Was this the impression I gave him? No. That was ALL WRONG. I had to fix this.

I calmly told him, "Oh, but I am."

"Do what?"

"I AM a Christian."

"No, you are not."

"Yes, I am."

"If you were a Christian, you'd be preaching at me everytime I walk in the door and tell me how I'm going to hell, especially after what I just told you."

I asked him if that is what he really thought Jesus would do. I told him the story of how Jesus didn't condemn the woman who committed adultery. I told him how Jesus forgave with his dying breath.

He said, "But you don't really believe that God can do ANYTHING, do you? That miracles really exist?"

It was as if I was listening to God ask me, "Are you going to deny me as Peter did, Shonda?"

After what seemed like a forever moment of silence, I -- with a low voice -- heard myself say, "I....cannot....deny....the power of my God."

He looked at me like I was crazy for a moment. Then I told him, "Look, I am not going to tell you what to believe. That isn't my job as a Christian. But, I will tell you what I believe. I will even tell you why I believe it and what God has done for ME. But, it's YOUR choice. I will say this, I could be out on the streets right now. God used you to protect His child. I cannot deny the power of a God who can even use the unbeliever to do His will."

A year and a half later, during which time we had several other conversations about God and Christianity, in which he listened, and never ridiculed my beliefs, although at times he questioned why I believed as I did, he came on off the road.

"The Passion of the Christ" was playing in theaters. Our "tradition" at that time was to buy a season of Stargate and some pizza rolls and enjoy time with that, then go out on the town at least one night, then, go see a movie we haven't seen and eat in a restaurant together we haven't been to before. I wanted to see the Passion on that particular date.

So we did. It was ... AWSOME. I found myself flinching every time the whip ripped off my Lord's skin. I found myself Crying as he looked on them with love when they spat in his face. I found myself bawling when mother Mary ran after her baby when he fell down (reminded of my own baby boy at the time...and how I missed him so) and how she was watching that baby, who would always be HER baby boy, die a horrific death on the cross.

When the movie was over, no one said a word. It was quiet as we all filed out of the theater. He walked beside me, speechless. As we approached the car he stopped me. He said,

"I didn't understand. Now I do."

He became a trainer for his company. He bought a Bible and a DVD of that movie, and he began witnessing for Jesus.

My mission with him was accomplished...and my journey had just begun.

Abundantly Blessed

My apartment is clean. There is still a lot I have to move...but next weekend I'll have all that taken care of. Hopefully.

Yesterday, when I was visiting with the owners of the home I am moving into (my precious adopted family), I was offered a lawn mower for a really low price. I was given a bunch of Christmas lights, a living room chair, and some pictures to hang on the wall.

God is so good to me.

Let me lay this out:

I quit my job at Denny's (because I got tired of being told to make bricks while not being given the straw to do it with...so to speak. And, the bullies were annoying). I had 2 months saved up in my checking account for bills.

My friend, former classmate and distant cousin, Tracy Smith, urged me to apply for a job at Telford Prison. So, what did I have to lose? I did. And, I got accepted into the academy for training.

I had no insurance. No retirement plan. No life insurance. Nothing to leave my children. This job gives me all of that!

Then, the landlord at my apartment complex, right about this time, sold the property. My bills were being raised. I was now going to have to pay water and electric, and was told I had to ask permission to have visitors, and was not allowed certain activities of which I was accustomed to in my own home.

I was going to work at a prison. I did not want to live in one.

I was considering moving to another apartment closer to New Boston where I would be working when my friend Rosa's (who lives in Fayetteville) husband became ill, and her parents decided they wanted to move closer to her to help her out. (But, I suspect it's more like they just want to be closer to their daughter. Their son, and Rosa's brother, whom they were caring for, recently passed away and left them with an empty nest).

The Trailer they live in needs work, and I wasn't looking forward to doing the repairs...but my job certainly made it possible. God gave me a nudge and I said, why not? I asked if my mom would co-sign for me to get a loan. She refused. So, I applied for the loan to take up the payments anyway, knowing that should I be approved, it would help me out by getting me closer to my job, and it would help my friend (and extended family) out with their need to be closer to each other. It was a win win.

I waited and prayed, not really expecting to be approved. God blessed me. I was approved. And, the payments are right about what I am already paying on my apartment. Affordability is not an issue! I became more excited!

But, I now have to leave my apartment by June 1st, and I don't have the down payment to accept the loan. Then, God stepped in, again. I find out that I am to get a bonus check that is going to cover everything 30 days after graduation from the Academy! And having to wait for the check is not an issue, because the owners of the trailer are waiting for an apartment to become available where they are moving to!

My friends and classmates have been so supportive in all this. Many of them have asked if I need anything for my new home. Just as I was considering all this, God stepped in again. The owners of the trailer I am going to buy have offered to leave behind the stove, refrigerator, washer, dryer, a big dresser, a living room chair, curtains and pictures to hang on the wall, and Christmas lights for the holidays, and they even offered to sell me their lawn-mower really cheap. They said they couldn't take it with them. They wouldn't need it.

And, my dogs have a ready made dog pen complete with a dog house outside the back door, should I be able to get them back with me after having to give them up in order to have a place to live, because the apartments I live at did not allow pets.

My job offers me Health, Life, dental, vision, retirement, and disability -- long and short-term insurance, with enough pay to afford everything I have been blessed with by God.

In the meanwhile, as I said, I have to be out of my apartment by June 1st, because I refuse to sign a lease that will bind me for a year. It will probably be August before I can move into my new home. So...

The same week I quit my former job, I had helped some friends move into a new apartment, because they were living on the streets, and disabled, and needed a place to rest that they could call home and secure themselves.

When I found that I was going to be without a home of my own for about 2 months during this transition, I asked my mother if she would help me out by letting me sleep at her house for this period until I could get it squared. She refused. So, I did the only thing I could do.

I asked the owners to let me go ahead and store my stuff at the trailer in their back unused bedroom so I wouldn't lose it all. They agreed.

Then, I asked my friends if they would let me stay with them, and I would help them out with their rent in exchange until I could move into my new home. They agreed.

Finally, I asked if I could go ahead and use my new address so I could get all my accounts set up and be able to get my mail since I won't have this address to use anymore. They agreed.

I've had a few glitches, like the day when I had to bust out my window because I locked my keys and phone in the car and I didn't want to lose my job being late, or not showing up. But God has even been with me in those. He may very well have saved me from having a wreck that morning when a truck caught fire on interstate. Perhaps if I hadn't been dealing with that, I could have been right beside the truck when it blew on my way to work.

I have a great job, a new home, and really great friends now, because of the goodness and blessings of my God.

What am I going to be blessed with next? (I almost feel afraid to ask...)

Gabriel's Letter to a Corrections Officer

This week is Corrections Officer Appreciation Week. In honor of it, the Texas Baptist Men's Convention brought us a big lunch today. They gave away free Bibles to anyone who wanted one (I already have two, so I didn't take one), and, they gave out cards to each of us from children who wrote to us to show their support.

Me, I got this one. And, it really touched my heart. I don't know who Gabriel is, so I thought I would respond to him here:

Dear Gabriel,

On behalf of all of us in the Corrections Department here at Telford Prison, I work with some real heroes in my field, and they deserve all the praise they can get. I want to say thank you for your love and support. Your letter touched me. I don't know what happened to your dog, but I am going to assume that maybe he is here, with us at Telford now.

If that is the case, then that makes you, and Duke, heroes, too!

You see, we train the dogs that work for us to do amazing things; like, use their nose to sniff out stuff that the bad guys aren't supposed to have. If the bad guys had things they aren't supposed to have, it would not be very safe for your neighborhood. But, that isn't all they do.

Sometimes the dogs that live here are used to help find little girls and boys who are lost in the woods. Why, not too long ago, I heard of a dog who helped find a 3-year-old little girl who had wondered away from her mommy and was missing for 3 days. Her momma sure did thank that dog when he brought her home!

Heroes always think about making other people safer. That is why you are a hero, because you let us use Duke, even though you miss him. And, Duke is a hero because he has special abilities that might one day save your life. Without Duke, a lot of people would not sleep well at night because they would worry about their safety.

Maybe one day, when you grow up, you can come help train the dogs at Telford Prison. I'm sure that would really make you feel better about where Duke is now. I pray that one day you will get to see him again.

And, I praise God for heroes like you who love and support us in our work!

Thank you,

A Telford Corrections Officer.

My week in Review: I can do all things through Christ

Monday, April 30, 2018

WHAT A DAY!

First, I got gassed and pepper sprayed. Then, I got a loan for my new home!

It will still be a while before I can get things started for the transition (I have until August 26 to take the loan), because I have to come up with the down-payment, and the current owners have to be able to move out.

In the meanwhile, I spoke to my friends who I helped get their apartment recently, and they are willing to let me stay there until I can get it worked out. I offered to pay them. And, it's a LOT cheaper than getting a motel.

Everything is working out great, in spite of those who wish to see me fail.

I'm so thankful that God sees something in me that others do not.

I'm going to TRY to get SOME sleep tonight. (I'm so excited).

Thank You, Lord, for directing my steps. Thank You for all of the great opportunities that you have presented me with. Thank You for loving me enough to teach me hard lessons, and for forgiving me when I mess up -- and blessing me in spite of everything.

I love You, Lord. Even when I have nothing, because I know who I am. Thank you for blessing me with everything!

In Jesus's Holy Name,

Amen

Tuesday, May 1, 2018

It's been a rough day. Very rough. Physically. LOL

We learned some defense tactical moves in class today. Oh, Lord, but I need work! I am sore all over right now. Not sure I can cut the contact drills. NOT looking forward to it.

One of my classmates said I was doing great. I sure don't feel like it.

STill giving it all I got, though.

On the upside, I think I may have found someone who will help me move. I have to get in touch with him about it first, though. If not, I'll be looking for someone with a pick up truck who can help me in a few weeks.

On a sad note...

A VERY SAD NOTE...

My beloved elementary school principal, Mr. Robert Eitel (Redwater Elementary) went home to be with the Lord, today. Mr. Eitel was a very special person. I would be hard-pressed to find another school official who exuded as much faith, patience, and encouragement toward the students under his care.

I can't think of anyone who has a bad thing to say about him.

I was privileged to have him as my principal.

See you when I get there, Mr. Eitel!

Prayers go out for his wife, Judy (former High school math and typing teacher), and two sons (and former schoolmates) Jeff and Scott, and all the rest of their family and friends.

Wednesday, May 2, 20l8

Today is one of those "The devil is gonna get you today" days.

Praise GOD that MY God is bigger than anything he can throw at me, though!!!!!!!!

First, I was not very confident about doing Defense Tactics again. But, I went on and did my best -- and wasn't too bad. Still need work...but that is the whole idea -- to find out where I am and what I need to work on. Way more confident now...

Then, I went to Burger King after work, only to find out that my debit card had no money on it. Come to find out, someone got into my Paypal account and tried to steal about $200 from me. I am in the process of putting a stop to that, and have disputed it at the Bank.

Finally, after receiving my paycheck, going to the bank, disputing Paypal, and getting gas, I tried to drive away only to find out there was a flat on my passenger rear tire. I ran over something that was lodged in my tires. It was now 5:15 PM and I didn't have any idea of who to call for help, had no spare and no jack. (Yep, I will be investing in jack, crowbar and tire soon)

I finally called Daniel's Used Tires. They don't make housecalls. But, I explained to them who I was, that I had just started my new job and could not miss a day without dire consequences. Did not want to miss due to having a flat tire. They were so very kind and came and helped me out. It cost me $105 dollars, but it could have been a WHOLE LOT WORSE.

I could have not had a way to work tomorrow, lost my job. Lost my new home. Lost any chance of ever seeing my babydogs again...pretty much lost EVERYTHING -- including my apartment.

Thank you, Daniel's Used Tires for helping me out! I know you didn't have to, and you will be blessed for this! You literally saved my life!

Thank YOU Lord, for watching over me, AGAIN!

So, in spite of being "beat up", mugged, and having a flat today....I'm SOOOO blessed!

Thursday, May 3, 2018

It is my opinion that depressed people should go and try to do something for someone else when they feel depressed. Helping other miserable people not to feel miserable sure makes me feel better when I get that way.

It also makes me see more clearly the blessings I have been given.

Today wasn't a bad day, even though it was raining cats and dogs and I had to wear my rain gear just to go into Wal-mart to get more quarters for laundry (I spent what I had yesterday digging for cash to pay the tire guys so I wouldn't have to withdraw more from my bank account)

I forgot to take my rain gear into work with me, so by the time I got to my car at the end of the day, I was already soaked.

Note to self: Rain gear only works if you use it.

Tomorrow is Friday. It will mark my third week at the Academy. Graduation is getting closer!

If you want to come see me graduate, I would love to see you! Especially since my own mom isn't going to be there. She left me a me message today telling me that should I have any problems, I should "Call your daddy" (What did I tell you, Hmmm? LOL) After all, it is obvious she doesn't want to see me succeed.

I think I proved yesterday that I don't need to call either of them. I'm a big girl. And, should I get desperate, I do have friends who actually love me. I don't need for my mom to be proud of me. God is. He has already proven it. That is all that matters.

I'll let ya'll know the exact date when I get it confirmed.

Ya'll have a great night. Gotta finish washing my uniform. (I have to get my other one resized, so I can't leave mine with the laundry at work...)

Friday, May 4, 2018

It is the most wonderful, rainy day.

I have learned not to stress over what is to come, because God takes care of the future.

Jesus said it best, "Think not about what tomorrow may bring. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof."

That doesn't mean we don't prepare for the worst, it just means that we don't live expecting the worst. We prepare for it because anything could happen at a moment's notice, but we don't dread it because it MIGHT happen.

Anyway, i'm sure ya'll are wondering what I am trying to say.

I got a phone call last night from the owners of the house I am buying. They have decided to leave behind the stove, refrigerator, washer, dryer, a dresser and some curtains.

You have NO idea what a load that is off of my back (and my checkbook!) God has gone and done it again!

Just when I think I can't get much more blessed. Just when I think He is done, He shows out again!

And, to top it off, TODAY IS FRIDAY!

That means I made it through my 3rd week at the Academy. I am HALFWAY THERE! WOOHOO!

BTW: Graduation is May 25 at 3:00 PM at the Bowie County Courthouse in New Boston. If you decide to come see me graduate, you need to be there before 2:45 PM or you may not get in.

I pray ya'll have as blessed a day as I am having, so you can feel how I feel!

(My daddy used to tell me, "rub my arm". When I did, he'd say, "See how I feel?")

Saturday, May 5, 2018

This morning I slept late, because I could.

Today, I have a lot of work to do. I'm going to start going through my things and packing to move. It's about that time, and I hate to rush.

9:45 AM CST. I've been listening to "Tier Talk" on YouTube as I've been packing clothes. Got 3 plastic Totes and 1 box of clothes, and 1 box of shoes, boots and sandals packed.

I've also stuffed 2 very large garbage bags full of clothes that I am going to take to Randy Sams' Homeless shelter.

Yeah...I had a LOT of clothes -- most of which I couldn't, wouldn't, or don't wear.

I'm fixing to go deliver them, and then get something to eat...somewhere. I gotta go to Walmart, too.

I was planning to get another box of large trash bags, but when I went to go through my shoes, I found a whole roll of trash bags I thought I'd lost. LOL

Still have other stuff I need to get though.

Not going to shop for groceries. Don't want to haul off a bunch of food, or for anything to go to waste.

Well, break's over. Time to go back to work.

2:15 PM. I just took everything in my closet (just about) to New Boston for storage in my soon-to-be new home. God bless Miss Betty and Buren Jones (the owners) who said I could do that so I wouldn't lose my stuff when I have to move out of this apartment on June 1st.

I'll take another car load next weekend. Still got a lot to pack. But, I got my work-out for the day!

Went to Wal-mart and bought a couple more totes, and some more things I need for work, and some snacks and food for a couple of days.

I'm tired now. Going to relax

I just changed my profile "about me" on Google +.

"A male friend of mine once described me as sweet, kind, generous, have the patience of a saint and the tenacity of a bulldog. I am intelligent, hard-working, honest, sincere, simple and low-maintenance.

I have had everything, and I have had nothing. I am blessed no matter what my circumstances are. I like to tell everyone, "I am blessed, no matter HOW I feel."

I have worked in fast food, and I have supervised people at a local hospital. I have picked up cans for a living, and I have been a housekeeper. Today, I am a web site designer and a Corrections Officer at a local State Prison.

I have had a full life with many experiences. I look forward to and make the most out of each and every one of them. I wouldn't trade the world for what I have been through.

I have gone from being homeless ten years ago, to owning my own home today.

With God all things are possible. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Me and God, well, we've proven that over and over again. "

9:30 PM. I wasted a lot of today (after packing and hauling boxes) by doing something I haven't done in a long, long time. Well, since September of last year. LOL

I played Sim City until 9:30 PM.

Figure it's time to go to bed now before I forget I have to get up at 4 AM Monday morning.

LOL

More packing tomorrow.

I am blessed

Today I was going through my Facebook memories. Three years ago to day I posted this:

I love it when people want to put their two cents worth in about my life and say, "If you'd do this, or if you wouldn't do that..."

It amuses me. I look at them as if they are aliens, because what they suggest for me is so out of my world. I can't help but smile when they tell me, "You can't get there from here..." because I am already closer to "there" than they are, or they think I am.

"Maybe you shouldn't (do this or that)" when what I am doing is working just fine for me. A few little "kinks" and "swirls" now and then, but even that seems to be working for me.

When they tell me "You can't" I just say, "Watch me."

I am so blessed. I had one of those days that not only blessed me, but reminded me of how blessed I am even if I had not been blessed the way I was today. It's like everything is just falling into place. Even when there are "kinks" in my day, even those "kinks" work toward blessing me. I keep wondering, When is the bubble going to burst? Will it always be this way? How can I make sure it will?!

Am I the same person I was three years ago? It sure looks that way; except, I can't help but wonder what I would have posted about that day had I known where I would be today.

I am so blessed today. Even more than I was on that day. Or, am I? Each day is complete with it's own blessings. Each blessing is different, but just as profound.

I am blessed. Period.

On May 5, 2013 (5 years ago) I posted this:

When you start seeing every little thing as a blessing, THAT'S when you know you are truly blessed.

I am, without a doubt, still the same person.

Today I have a new job, a new home, and it is semi-furnished with what I need. God has directed my path and blessed me. Even now, I can't see how He could possibly bless me more -- but I know God. He'll find a way, if that is what He desires to do.

What am I getting myself into?

Hello, World.

As an employee of the Texas Department of Criminal Justice at Telford Prison, I am not supposed to talk about things that may or may not go on inside the facility. What happens there, should stay there.

But, I will say this:

My academy "pre-service training" has opened my eyes to a lot. I listen to stories from current employees there about experiences that they have had. I listen to stories about things I might have to go through. I listen to stories about what people do and how they act in a crisis.

After taking a tour of the facility with my fellow trainees, I came away humbled. The people I will be working with, when my training is complete, are nothing less than heroes. I stated to a fellow trainee, very humbly, that I only hope that when I have to face such a crisis, I can be as brave and courageous as I have heard about.

As my late stepmother once said, and my fellow trainee pointed out in response, "You aren't going to know how you are going to act until you get there. No one can."

She was right. It's easy to want to be a hero. It's a whole other thing when the opportunity presents itself. Anyone can talk the talk -- but it's the walk that matters.

After my tour the other day during class, I came home and did some really hard thinking and praying about what I was getting myself into with my new job. Do I really want to put my life on the line every single day. I mean, that is what I will be doing -- flipping a coin every day to see if I get to come home safe and whole at the end of the day.

No wonder the benefits are so great.

I prayed.

Am I really fit for this? Can I do the job if faced with a situation I have never been in that requires defending myself or a co-worker or another inmate?

Clearly, I need work.

After thinking and praying about this, I asked myself:

Is this why God put me here? Is this something I need to do for some greater job He has for me in the future? And, if so, what do I need to do in order to do it right?

God spoke to me in my heart and said that I should not fear, He would be with me.

Isaiah 41:13
“For I the LORD thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not; I will help thee.”

I don't have kids to come home to, or a family at home that is depending on me the way many of my co-workers do. I can afford to put all I have into my job. If I died tomorrow in the line of duty, my children are grown and can fend for themselves.

And, I really do need to get into better shape.

This morning, I watched some training videos. I think I'm going to start practicing at home -- and do more situps and push ups each day. Maybe this job is because God doesn't like how I look right now...and wants me to lose weight. Maybe I'm fixing to have my house broke into and I need to defend myself and my property. Maybe there is an inmate who needs to be counseled in the Word. Maybe there is a co-worker who needs my support.

I came to the conclusion that I am there for a reason. I need to have the courage to stay. I need to Buck up and move forward and do what I am called to do, no matter what the cost may or may not be.

That's what Christians are called to do every day. I guess God is putting me to the test.

I intend to pass.

May 7-11 is Correctional Officer appreciation week. If you see one at your local convenient store or restaurant, don't forget to shake their hand and tell them you appreciate them. You have no idea what they go through to keep the public safe. Your encouragement might be the reason they need to show up for work tomorrow.

It actually takes courage just to walk through the doors each morning.

I pray that I have sufficient courage when I need it.

And, I thank God for these heroes I will be working with.

The Mission of the Texas Department of Criminal Justice is to Provide public safety, Promote positive change in offender behavior, Reintegrate offenders back into society and Assist Victims of Crime.

Our motto is: Motivation, Determination, Dedication, Teamwork. Training sets the pace. People are our business.

My class is The Great 38

Our class motto is Get it right or wear white!

(Our inmates are dressed in white, not orange).

Have a blessed day!

No Longer Slaves

Good Morning, World!

Today I am going to take what I cooked in the slow-cooker over to some friends of mine, who are not able to buy groceries right now, to share. It turned out REALLY good. But, I can't eat much of it. My gallbladder told me it didn't like it last night.

It's a shame, too. I liked it. I wanted more...

Maybe this is God's way of keeping my weight down.

Speaking of...

John 8:36
“If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.”

Elisabeth Fritzl was locked up for 24 years. She was raped and tortured by her father. She bore him 7 children. Her mother and sister had no idea she was still there...in the basement.

Why didn't God intervene on her behalf?

This is a hard question. One that deserves an answer.

1 Corinthians Chapter 13 verse 12 speaks of us "looking through a glass darkly" in this life. Paul goes on to explain that we don't understand the ways of God right now, or why He allows the things that he allows or does the things He does or doesn't do. But, we have to hold on to our faith. We have to KNOW that when we finally meet God face to face, we will understand everything.

2 Corinthians 5:7 tells us to walk by faith, not by site. The here and now is not what is important. It's where we have faith that we will end up that is important. This earth is not our home. It is temporary.

In Luke Chapter 7 verses 40-43, Jesus illustrates to Simon how one who has the most to be forgiven for is the one who loves the most.

Perhaps God also uses this to illustrate other things. Elisabeth spent 24 years without freedom. She was tortured. She had her babies taken from her. She had to watch them tortured. They had to watch their mother tortured.

When she was freed, how do you think she felt?

Grateful. Relieved. Joyous.

Let's go a step further:

VICTORIOUS.

Yes, she has a lot of healing to go through. I'm sure she also feels:

Angry. Betrayed. Hurt. Vengeful.

And, those of us who lived our lives every day not knowing what was going on half a world away down in a basement now sympathize with her plight and:

We ask "Why?". We are angry for her. We want justice.

Some of us blame God.

There were slaves in Egypt before Moses came along and, with God's help, freed them. They were slaves, not for 24 years, but for 400 years. Don't you think that some of them were murdered? Beaten? Raped? Starved? Had their children taken from them? Had to watch their children suffer?

Moses, himself, was a product of that time. The Pharoah had said that all male children were to be killed to cut down on the Israilite population. He was only saved because his sister placed him in a basket and sent him down the river, only to have GOD intervene and be found by the daughter of the Pharoah who raised him as his own.

Here in the United States of America, slavery also existed. Same scenario. When the U.S. slaves were freed after the Civil War, they sung hymns of Praise to God. Who do you think sung greater hymns of Praise that day? The former slave-owner who came to Christ? Or, the former slave?

Steal Away
Roll Jordan Roll
Wade in the Water

And one of my favorites:

Swing Low Sweet Chariot

The slaves, even while they were slaves wrote and sang many famous spirituals that are alive and well today, sung among those of us who know what it is like to be a slave to sin, finding ourselves redeemed and freed. As a true child of God, slavery is not the physical chains that bind us, or the oppression that we have to endure from other men. Slavery is the chains we endure in our minds and hearts as we live in sin, knowing that our doom is eminent. Jesus loosens those chains, unbinds the ties that bind us, and frees us from the eternal consequences of sin.

So why does God allow these things to happen?

Why did God allow me to live five years in an abusive relationship?

In order for us to understand forgiveness, we must have to be forgiven. In order for us to understand sympathy, we must understand loneliness and pain. In order for us to understand how to be grateful, we must understand deprivation. In order for us to understand loyalty, we must know what it means to be betrayed.

We can't know those things without suffering.

Then, when we learn them, God rewards us with the blessings that cause us to praise Him.

Sure, God could make our lives perfect if He wanted to. But, we would not understand or appreciate our freedom to worship Him. He doesn't want robots to praise Him. That would make Him as bad as the father of Elisabeth Fritzl, who forced her to obey -- whose children knew nothing else, and will forever fight the demons he taught them was "normal".

Why didn't God intervene on Elisabeth Fritzl's behalf?

He did. Today she is FREE.

Further Bible Reading:

Galatians 3:28
Romans 6:20
Ephesians 6:5
Colossians 3:22
1 Timothy 6:1
1 Peter 2:18

Getting Ready to Conquer the World Around Me

It's been a busy day for me. I woke up, took a shower, got dressed and then went to the Library to print out my information packets from my place of employment. Getting prepared for my new job is a big job.

Then, I went to Walmart and bought socks, t-shirts, long-sleeved shirt with a collar, and a few other things I might need. Then, I went to the mall because I was looking for some new sweat pants and walmart did not have what I was looking for. I ended up going to JC Penny to get a hair cut.

I was looking for shoes, also. Still couldn't find the sweats I was looking for...

Went to Nelson's and got a pair that cost me over $100. Sigh...

Then went to Academy for my sweats. Does NO ONE make cotton sweats anymore? I don't like the ones I had to get.

Then, I went to my mom's to show her my new haircut. She liked it.

Then, on the way home, I saw my friends Fred and Gary walking on the side of the road. I stopped and gave them a ride to where they were going, then back to their apartment.

Then, I came home and went through my information packets and filled out the paperwork.

I'm done. I'm resting now.

Still anxious about tomorrow, though.

Whom shall I fear?

Today was a big day for me. I got notified that the job I was seeking came through.

I will be a correctional officer at a prison. I start training next week.

Look. Learn. This is what God can do!

10 years ago I was homeless.

6 years ago I was living with an abusive drug addict who took everything I made. I couldn't even wash clothes.

5 years ago I married Jesus.

I was broke, had no car, was behind on rent. had no clothes, had a part time minimum wage job, had no food....

God gave me a better job, helped me get a car, sent angels with food, clothes, and anything else I needed.

And today I have just acquired one of the highest paying jobs in the area, with outstanding benefits! I want for nothing!

God is so GOOD!

I've received a lot of support from my friends during all of this; though, not without a lot of warnings:

"Be careful"
"It's a rough place"
"Are you sure you want to work around degenerates like that?"
"It's dangerous"
"You could get killed, or worse."
"The pay is so high because of the (stuff) you have to deal with"

Yes. I've heard it all. And, I believe every bit of it is true. However, that doesn't deter me.

God would not have given me the job unless there was something there He wanted me to experience. Good, or bad, whatever doesn't kill me will make me stronger in my walk with the Lord, and as a light in this world. It might cost me my life, but I've already given my life to Him.

Someone in there needs me. My employers, the inmates, my co-workers, the lady who works in the kitchen, or the office...It doesn't matter who. SOMEONE is the reason I am going there. Maybe more than one person. Maybe all of them.

As long as God is with me and clears the way before me, I have to go.

It might be a week. It might be a few months. It might be a couple of years. I hope I retire from there...but even if I don't, I have to go.

Tonight I celebrated with my friends by going to eat at Golden Corral. WHAT A CELEBRATION! I made sure to give my testimony to the server.

Isaiah Chapter 43

Paying it forward...

Good morning, World!

Today, I am helping my friends move into their new home.

It is an exciting day!

One they have waited on for a long time!

I am so proud for them!

I feel so blessed. I just watched my friend's faces when they walked into their new apartment for the first time. The Apartment manager even helped them out by giving them dishes, blankets and an extra bed to sleep on (because there are two of them) and a couch and love seat and coffee table and kitchen table.

I cannot imagine the happiness they feel inside. I see it on their faces, and that is worth it all!

No more sleeping in a wet and moldy tent at a homeless camp. Now they will be warm and comfortable. They are already making plans for the future.

I'm so happy for them I could just bust.

I remember what it was like for me, when I was once where they are. God sent me help...I'm just paying it forward. And, I think I have two great friends for life. I thank God for that experience. It's the reason I felt so blessed today.

Employment and The Cloud

Hello, World.

I had a dream last night. A really weird dream.

In the waking world, I know enough on the computer to push a button and make something work. But, my knowledge of HOW it works, or why it works like that is lost. I have a website, and I know some basic HTML, but get me into CSS and whatnot, I have no idea what you are talking about...even though I know I use some of it without knowing how, when, or what it entails.

I guess you can say that God takes over my fingers on the keyboard sometimes.

Last night, I dreamed that everything I did ended up in "The Cloud."

I've heard of The Cloud. Never understood it. Didn't really know what it was. Wasn't aware that Google Drive (where I store a lot of my work in Word and Excel) was part of The Cloud.

My dream basically gave me the idea that a lot of my advertising campaigns could be done via the Cloud. Everything ended up in The Cloud was the message I was getting.

So, this morning, after I woke up and stirred around a bit and finallly got settled...I went on Bing and did some research into "What is the Cloud".

I was amazed at what I found out. And, the ideas it gave me...and the conspiracy theories.

Wow.

Last night, one of my friends had a great idea. If I fail to get this job, or it doesn't work out for me, I could always go to the Social Security Administration and fill out the paperwork to become his caretaker.

That wouldn't be a bad idea.

It isn't like he isn't eligible for one.

Hmmm.

Something for me to stew over...

I firmly believe that God puts people in our lives for a reason. These two stepped in mine at just the right time, on more than one occasion. Either for me, or for them.

Whatever, I am trusting God's plan.

Have a blessed day.

Bleak Horizon

Hello, World!

I just went and picked up my last paycheck at Denny's, came home and attempted to do some push ups and sit ups. Seem more out of breath today than usual...

I was going to go to Flower Acres to get some more produce...but I have decided to hold off. I have enough food for awhile -- and I may be moving soon. I don't know what is going to happen in the next month or so. So, I don't need to bring in anymore than I need to.

We recently changed owners at the apartments where I live. Now they want us to pay a "convenience fee" of $17 just to pay our rent online, and won't accept it otherwise. They also want us to pay our own electricity. All of my neighbors are moving away. I've counted 7 apartments emptied out just in the past few days. It's got me worried. PLUS, I am told that starting in June, I will have to pay 1/26th of the water bill. Not happy about that, either.

Yep, I can see that I probably won't be here very much longer, no matter what happens. But, first, I have to know what I have to work with.

I haven't heard anything yet about my job application. I won't know anything about it until Monday. May is secured, I think.

And, I've lost another 5 lbs.

Have a blessed day!

Leaning on Me...

Hello, World.

I finally carried out my trash today. I have a small leak or something coming from the bottom of my refrigerator, and my towels are wet. My neighbors are all moving away...

I am trying to help my friends to get an apartment here, but the apartment manager acts like she doesn't care about them, just their money. They have enough, but they won't have it if they don't get an apartment right now. They have to live until the next check.

So, I took them to my old apartment complex yesterday to see if they could get in. It looks more promising (and a whole lot cheaper).

In the meantime, I told them they were welcome to use my shower and do their laundry if they need it here.

Life sucks sometimes. I am thankful for what God has given me.

Have a blessed day!

Did you have a good Easter? I did!

Did you have a great Easter? I did. I have some homeless friends that came over for a visit, and I took them with me to my mom's camp site, where the family was gathering for a fish fry and Easter Egg hunt for the kiddos. It was exciting. 

​Mom offered to give $5.00 to the child who found the most eggs. That's Mom. She's always trying to make things exciting for the family. 

My friends really enjoyed themselves. 

Afterward, we came back to my place and watched almost all of the first season of Game of Thrones on my computer.  They don't have access to a TV or Computer in the tent where they live, so it was a treat for all of us: They got to relax and do something they don't normally get to do, and I had company to enjoy Easter with. 

I invited them to Church with me on Wednesday night. I hope they come. 

If That Mountain Don't Move

I recently quit my job at the restaurant where I worked. Last Friday, as a matter of fact. I decided to take a week off before starting to look for a job, since I have 2 months worth of bill money in the bank. I have until the 1st of June before I have to come up with rent again.

I enjoyed my week off. Then, on the following Monday, I decided to start at the top: the highest paying job I could find, with the best benefits.

The job is tentative. I have to wait on my background check and employment history check. That's the only thing I'm really worried about is my employment history. I have worked a lot of places in my life, and I cannot possibly remember all of them off the top of my head. But I did the best that I could do. She seemed less worried about it than I am.

I took my pre employment test and passed. I was surprised about that because the math part was pretty hard, but she said she was surprised that I didn't even use the scratch paper.

Anyway I'm trusting God in this, and just to show that I'm trusting God, I decided to go and eat at Golden Palace. I know I shouldn't have spent the money on this, until I know something, but I trust God that no matter what He's going to take care of me.

I will know something by April 10.

Nothing is written in stone yet.

I prayed before I went and I prayed after.

The rest, I figure, is up to Him.

The job will be demanding. It will require 6 weeks at a training academy, where I will run, do push-ups, sit-ups, and -- I'm sure -- a number of other physical as well as mental exercises.

I am almost 50 years old. I never figured I'd be going to "boot camp" at my age. And, I cannot imagine running a mile in 5 minutes. But, God put this mountain before me. He is either trying to teach me something, or to prove Himself. Either way, I am called to climb it.

This morning I woke up at 7:30 a.m.

For breakfast, I cooked me some fish and fried tators. It was a good breakfast. Then, I watched Matthew Hagee's sermon about God's belief in me. God will not give me a mountain that He does not empower me to climb, he said.

Powerful. I needed that.

After walking yesterday, my ankle felt like it was going to break every time I stood and put pressure on my toes. So, I stretched them all last night, and put as much pressure as I could stand on them until I could not stand the pain any more.

A good FB friend reminded me that that which does not kill me is given to me to make me stronger. So, I tortured myself.

This morning, I stood on my tip toes with no pain. But, it is raining outside. I cannot go for my planned walk today.

Instead, I got down on the floor and attempted push-ups.

Yes, I attempted them. I worked and worked at it until I was able to at least push myself up...on my toes, not my knees. The lowering myself was the challenge. I still haven't got that down yet...but I am determined to keep working at it until I do. Just not right now...I'm tired. My ankle has started to hurt again. More stretching and torture tonight...and possibly some more push-ups later today.

I tried sit-ups. That was even more challenging. I have not been able to do it without raising my legs to bring myself up yet. Still working on that too.

But, God does not put a mountain in front of me that He does not empower me to climb. God is my strength, and I refuse to quit without using all of the strength I have available, and then some if I am able. It's what God expects of me.

He'll let me know if I need to surrender. But, for now, I am called to fight.

Taking a break now. My website and GPTs are calling.

In reponse to 11-year-old Naomi Wadler's speech today in Washington:

In reponse to 11-year-old Naomi Wadler's speech today in Washington:

I represent all of those millions who were saved by guns. Not hundreds, MILLIONS.

Millions that you never hear about on the mainstream media. Millions who can sit and eat with their families and build memories. Millions who own a gun today.

I represent all of those church members who were saved by Stephen Willeford, the Texas Hero who used an AR-15 to shoot the gunman who murdered people in a church and planned to go to the church down the road.

We canNOT take guns out of the hands of innocent, law-abiding people. We canNOT criminalize those who wish to protect their families.

Those children who marched on Washington today may one day wish their neighbor had a gun.

I represent those people in Germany who gave up their lives because they didn't have a gun to defend themselves with -- because they believe they were giving up their rights for the good of society.

We do not have a gun problem. We have a heart problem. We have a sin problem. And, giving up our guns is not going to solve that.

Cain killed Abel with a Rock.

Creative Solutions

I just think people have lost their creativity. My ex said that AOL was created to keep people dumb...I didn't understand what he meant until now. Facebook is the new "AOL" (so to speak).

People don't have to create because it's already done for them. All they have to do is post, and then get used to Facebook telling them what they can post and what they can't.

I've seen LOTS of people get into facebook jail, only to come out and keep posting instead of getting mad and saying, "You know what? I don't HAVE to be here." Then go and create their own site where their friends can visit and people with similiar interests can enjoy it.

Google isn't the only search engine, but people have forgotten how to look for anything else. It's time to encourage creativity again.

People would rather gripe about how they are being treated by a site than rebel and go and create their own site, or organization, or network, or search engine, or newspaper...

If it seems that a person with certain political viewpoints don't have a choice in what they watch, or read, or the products they use, it's because they refuse to create something better to be an alternative. Why create, when they can use someone else's -- and fight to be able to every step of the way.

It just doesn't make sense.

It's His Money

I always keep an envelope in my purse for my "tithes". Each day, I put a tenth of what I earn in that envelope. I haven't been going to church much lately, but that doesn't make me less of a Christian, and it doesn't mean I love Jesus any less.

But, I feel like the money I put in that envelope (just like all the other money I earn) isn't mine. It belongs to Jesus. And, when someone in need comes along it's there.

Like, for instance, when someone doesn't quite have enough change to pay for the pancakes they ordered. Or, if someone comes in my workplace and asks for gas money.

This happened the other night. A guy came in and said, "Look, I had a flat tire on my way home from work. I work at (I won't say it to protect privacy) and I don't have the money to fix my tire with. I get paid on such and such date, I'll pay you back..."

I asked him how much he needed. He said, "10 bucks"

I went to my purse, grabbed my envelope, counted out the money and gave it to him. He came back trying to give me a tool for payment. I told him to keep it. He said "Thank you." I told him,

"Thank Jesus. It was His money."

The Bible says, "When you do unto the least of these, you do also unto me."

I just gave Him what was His.

No. I won't watch them.

Last night, a young gentleman eating at the diner I work at asked me, "Do you watch football?" I said, "No, I don't." Then I added, "And, if I ever did, I'd refuse to now."

Looking surprised he asked, "WHY?"

I said, "Those guys make millions of dollars playing football, when there are homeless vets in our country who have lost all but their lives defending America and her flag, and yet they want to take a knee. They insult me and every American who loves this country. So, no. I won't watch them."

He left me a $7 tip for a $15 meal.

Road Trip

I took a REALLY long trip in my car (with no heat, no air and no defogger) with my oldest son to Nocona, TX to see my baby boy. It was an adventure.

What can be harder than driving up 82 all the way to Nocona, right? Just a straight shot. Well, leave that to me to mess that up.

When I got to Paris, I noticed that the Paris High School was set off in what seemed like the middle of nowhere. I commented on it. I made no turns, just kept driving. About 35 minutes later, I noted out loud, again, "Hey, there is the Paris High School. It's in the middle of nowhere." DEJA VU! I said, "BRYANT! Didn't I see this about half an hour ago?" He sat up in his seat. I said, "BRYANT, WHY AM I SEEING THIS AGAIN?""

He said, "I don't know, mom. Where did you make a wrong turn."

I said, feeling REAL disconcerted, "I didn't."

We were on the loop that circles Paris. When we found HWY 82 West and got back on the right track again (after a wasted 40 minutes and an 8th of a tank of gas), we started laughing hysterically. I was laughing so hard I was crying. I almost had to pull the car over.

Now THAT was an adventure!

When I made it to Nocona, I found my son and we visited, talked, I made sure he was okay, and started looking in his cupboards to see what he was eating...(I'm a mom who wants to make sure her kid has groceries). Being the young bachelor he is, there was nothing but bread, chicken noodle soups and weiners in the fridge, sandwich stuff, a few small quick fixes...

I said, "All you have is..." and I named them. Bryant said, "Yeah, mom, looks just like your stash." LOL

Laughing again...I felt silly.

We went and got pizza, then went back to his place, visited, and then I gave him a hug with stern instructions to call me if he needs anything.

"Mom, you know I don't use the phone."

"THEN FACEBOOK. YOU KNOW HOW TO GET ME!"

Then, it was a long, cold, uneventful trip back.

I am glad to be home, and VERY HAPPY I got to see my baby boy!

A Piece of Clay

God saved me at a young age because He knew it would take Him this long to teach me all He wanted me to learn.

He knew how stubborn I am, and He knew where I got it from...and that I was a piece of clay that was going to take a LOT of patience to mold.

He's still working on me...but man I love what I see when I look in the mirror today!

Isaiah 64:8
But now, O LORD, thou art our father; we are the clay, and thou our potter; and we all are the work of thy hand

Plans and Hopes...

The restaurant where I work is going to be having a remodel holiday. This means that I work tonight, then I am off for 2 days, then I work for 3 days, then on Sunday I am going to go see my baby boy. I will not have to be back at work until Friday, if everything goes as planned.

My oldest son will be going with me. So, I will get to see both of my boys together for the first time in a while. Of course it will only be for a few hours, because I will be coming back home to get ready to go see an old friend of mine I haven't seen since my youngest son was a baby.

I had planned to go see another friend of mine that I haven't seen since I was in 3rd grade, unfortunately I don't think that's going to work out.

It will just have to wait until the next I have a few days to spare.

Sigh.

Today I got my W-2 for my current job. I just need my W2 for my previous job so I can do my taxes for the year. This year is going to be great, because I will have my student loan paid off, and we'll get the keep some of my refund. It will be the first time I get money back in over 10 years.

They say that as you get older, life gets easier. I'm not sure if it gets easier, or if I've just learned to live it better. I do know that I am happier and more content. I haven't stopped Dreaming or hoping (it would still be nice to win the lottery -- but then I can't win if I don't play, and I just can't seem to bring myself to spend the money on a ticket that has a one-in-a-billion chance of winning), I've just learned that the Lord blesses who He will bless when He thinks the time is right. In the meantime I've learned what it means to wait upon the Lord.

I can't wait to lay eyes on my baby boy again.

Limitations

I originally wrote this in 2015, 3 years ago today on Facebook. Sometimes I can say some pretty profound things. This time is no different. What stood at that moment still stands today.

===

Life is a journey. The person you spend the most time getting to know is yourself. Your comfort zones are what determines the limitations you put upon yourself. And, I have determined to stretch beyond my comfort zones as often as I can, with-in reason, in order to find the limitations God has put on me. So far, I have found that the limitations I put on myself are far inferior to the ones that God has put on me. This makes me even more daring and fearless.

It also makes me realize how much of myself I do not know, and how much of myself I've forgotten I was. It drives me to seek answers that I thought I had already found, and makes me wonder if I will ever find the me that is somewhere inside.

I think, after deep thought on this, that the closest I have come to being me is when I determine and practice contentment in who I am at this moment.

It is probably all I will ever really, truly, know -- whether I understand it or not.

Insomnia and Black Eyed Peas

I am suffering from acute insomnia. I had 2 hours of sleep in two days before this morning. When I came home from work this morning, I took two of those otc sleeping pills, equate brand, and I only slept for 5 1/2 hours. At least I got SOME sleep. LOL

It's all the stress of the past two weeks, I guess.

So, if it doesn't seem like I'm here much, it's because I am bushed and resting...(or, at least, trying to LOL).

I am off for the next two days. Except for a trip I have to make to the bank at Walmart to cash my check, I plan on doing nothing for the next two days, except maybe work on my web site.

I went to the Bank, then did some shopping for groceries (which I NEVER do...but I had some extra $ and decided to stock up to keep from spending money on fast foods...) Then I came home and started working on my web site.

After an hour or so, I got sleepy and laid down and slept for another 3 hours. I must have had some fever, because I woke up sweating. So, I took some Dayquill (I was coughing some too...) and went back to work on my web site.

I feel much better now, but I am worried I won't be sleeping at my regular time again because of my nap. LOL.

I missed eating black-eyed peas for New Years, so I started a crock pot before I took my nap. They are done now, so I made some jalapeno cornbread to go with it. Not my best cornbread, but still tastes good.

Going back to work now...got lots of things to do on line.

Happy New Year!

Hello, World.

Happy New Year! (Personally, I'm glad 2017 is over).

They say that whatever you are doing when the New Year rolls in is what you will be doing all year long. If that is true, I'm not sure if I will be making money, or if I'll just be working. LOL

I guess either way is a blessing.

My manager said she could probably give me the night off if I wanted it on New Year's Eve, but I told her, "Nah. I can't think of anything more appropriate to do on New Years than serve someone else."

It's the first time in a oouple of years I didn't go spend it with my church family -- and, under the circumstances, I probably should have. With all that's been going on as of late, I really could have used some Jesus-loving people around me. But, I am content knowing that no matter where I am, Jesus is with me.

Resolutions? To invest. This year I am going to do some investing. Not sure how, but I plan to do it.

Well, ya'll have a blessed and Happy New Year! I beiieve it's time to get this party STARTED!