I will gladly strive...

Hello, World!

I guess since I already messed up today by sleeping late, I might as well make the best of the rest of my day.

I may not be able to go to church, but I can still spend my time in prayer and with Jesus and in reflection.

Speaking of reflection:

This year really hasn't been a bad year. It's probably not one of the best years I've had (that was last year), but I really can't complain too much.

I started out the year learning a new job that I never thought I would be working or even that I would like doing. For the first time in my life I was proud of where I was and who I had become.

At times, it wore on me as I fought to stay the person that God had led me to become. It was mentally taxing and I wasn't really sure if it was a fight that was meant for me.

So, God used my imperfect judgement to take it all away, and He opened doors that I thought had been closed in order for me to have hope and survive.

I've seen so many doors opened for me that I thought had been closed this year for good. And if God can open a closed door, then maybe all hope is not lost and I'll find myself back where I was at the beginning of the year next year.

Because as I said in yesterday's post, I have learned that nothing is final.

This year I have come into contact with people that I thought was a permanent part of my past and had no place in my future. But God has shown me that relationships are as much His to build as they are my responsibility to maintain.

Life is a struggle. Living it and embracing the struggle with all your might is what makes the American dream come alive! And, it's what makes me proud to be who I am.

I don't know where I'm going to end up next year but I know God has blessed me this year. I know He blessed me this morning to be able to wake up and look at the beautiful day ahead. He has open the doors of heaven and looked down from his throne and told me, "Shonda, my child, I love you!"

And, looking back, I can almost hear Him whisper, "Just wait. The best is yet to come! Watch what I can do!"

So, no matter what troubles I have today, and no matter how uncertain my future seems right now, I know that God is in control and everything's going to be alright. And I know He has a reason for everything. So, if my struggles are meant to give me a life more abundant then I will gladly strive.

Have a blessed day!

What I learned in 2019...

My birthday is October 30, 2019.

Every year, during my birth month, I always reflect on the past year and list the top ten things I learned.

This year is no different.

Here is my list:

1. Nothing lasts forever.

2. Nothing is ever final.

3. The difference between 15 and 50 is a lifetime.

4. Some people are meant to always be a part of your life, even when they aren't.

5. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you are going to fail.

6. It's okay to not be perfect. It's not okay to like being imperfect.

7. Relationships require presence in order to grow.

8. Sometimes you gotta just take a risk and hope for the best.

9. Never be comfortable with where you are -- in a matter of hours it could all change.

and finally

10. Life is surprising.

Gratitude for Diversity

Hello, World

Today has been a day of reflection and gratitude. I look back and realize, as I contemplate my past, my present and my future, how utterly blessed I am.

This time of year is when I start "reflecting" the most.

I look at the people here on Facebook and otherwise that I am blessed to call "friends", and I see how diverse they all are. Some are cops, some are criminals. Some are Christian, and some are not. Some are family, and some are distant acquaintances who "pop in" from time to time. Some I run into at the store, or while I am out selling Avon, and others I wonder about.

Some are special friends. They were my teachers who taught me about loyalty and unconditional love. They taught me that imperfection is inevitable, and heart-aches are not permanent.

Some of them taught me that life is short, and to live each moment as if it is our last. Some lived those moments with me and made memories that we look back on with a smile, mixed with a little pain of wishful thinking about how we would like to go back and relive those times.

As I remember, I take stock of where I am and what I have gained since I came from there. I am thankful for every heart-break, every tear, every struggle and every failure. Those are what led me to where I am, in order to be who I am.

As I told a friend just today, I look at where I am, who I am, and I look around at everyone I've ever known and where they are, and I am thankful. Where I am and who I am could have turned out so much worse. I am so blessed.

So, if you are here reading this, then I want you to know how thankful I am to have you in my life. If you are feeling as if you don't matter, come talk to me -- because each of you, in your own way, have changed my life for the better.

I love you all.

Good night.

Praising God because He is God!

Hello, World!

Today, I woke up and made spaghetti.

That is the thing about being a day-sleeper. When I wake up, it is time for dinner. So, I made spaghetti for me and the guys.

Then, I sat down and opened my Facebook. Immediately, I was looking at a memory from this day in 2014.

It was the year I made the decision that changed my life. The year I decided to follow Jesus with my whole being -- heart, soul and mind -- and to remain single and focused on God.

So much has changed since that year. God has blessed me enormously. But, I have learned that the struggle never really ends. It just becomes easier to endure with a different perspective.

For instance, I used to not have nice clothes to wear. Now, I have clothes to wash and put away, and decide what to wear, what I want to keep and what I want to give away. I am just not complaining now, because I remember four years ago -- which seems like only yesterday -- when I had no clothes. I praise God for the struggle.

I don't complain about having to clean my house because I now have a home to call my own that I need to clean. Four years ago, I was barely able to pay rent on a cheap apartment.

I don't complain about not having a defogger, heat and air in my car or a window that won't roll all the way up, causing me to have to park so far from the entrance at work, because four years ago I didn't have a car. What a blessing my car is!

My phone window is cracked, but I have a phone.

I have food in my kitchen refrigerator and freezer and in the cupboards.

I have a GREAT job. I never in a million years thought I would be where I am now just four years ago. I worked at a hotel, cleaning rooms for about 20 hours a week at just above minimum wage. Then, I went to work at a local hospital cleaning rooms for twice the pay. Then I went to work at Denny's restaurant. And now, I am a corrections officer at a local prison working for the great state of Texas!

I have my health. Praise GOD! I have my health. Three months ago, I could have died, but God saw fit to let me live!

I praise God for the insurance that God provided through my great job! It helped me pay my bills during my recuperation! Four years ago, I was told I had to live with my illness. Three months ago, I was told that if I hadn't gone to the emergency room to seek help when I did, I would not have lived another week.

I have my computer. Four years ago, I did not have one. I scrimped and saved. My laptop computer now has missing buttons so I have to hook up a keyboard. The mouse pad sucks so I got me a wireless mouse. My screen is lopsided...but I have a computer. It has been a source of entertainment and communication with all of you on a daily basis. It has been my means of reaching out, advising, asking for help, and telling you all how God has blessed me, and how He can bless YOU!

God has brought me so far, so fast, one day at a time. While I was going through it, however, it seemed like it was taking forever. Now, as I look back, it's as if it was only yesterday.

God will not snap His fingers to make things happen when you want it. He will give you opportunities, and make you wait for the results, so you can praise Him all the more when it finally happens! So you can clearly see God's hand in where you are!

God has given me so much. Now I struggle to figure out what my goals should be, if I should have the goals that I set, and when does contentment mean I stop striving to be in a better place -- mind, body and soul?

I think I have come to the conclusion that it's okay to strive, as long as I accept that if I remain where I am for the rest of my life, it will be okay, simply because God is God.