Memories of a life lived: I Cannot Deny

I was going to be evicted from my home. I had already sent my son to live with his dad, because I knew that soon I would be out on the streets with no job, and had no way of knowing where his next meal was going to come from. It broke my heart. It sent me into the deepest depression I had ever experienced in my life.

Nearly two weeks after I sent my son away, I met a man in our apartment complex, through the urging of a well-meaning neighbor who was trying to play "match-maker".

I had an attitude when I met him. As she left us alone, I looked at him and said, "I guess you want to hear my whole life story now?" He was still looking at the door after she left. He shrugged, nonchalant and said, "I guess that would be a good place to start."

So, I did. I spent ten hours, into the wee hours of the morning talking. He listened. He wasn't bored. He listened with interest. I started from my first memories and told him the good, the bad, and the ugly about myself.

I didn't know this man. I certainly didn't want another relationship. Bad relationships just caused me to give up my heart. My baby boy. My heart was broken in a million pieces. I didn't care. I probably would never see him again.

Two days later, I found myself at his home again, upon his invitation to watch "Stargate" with him. We watched every episode available. It was a treat.

As I was leaving, he was flipping a coin in hand. Later, he told me he was thinking, "Should I or shouldn't I? Why not...What could I lose?"

He was telling me he'd see me later. I told him, "Sure, if I'm not evicted by then..." He knew my story.

He stopped me and said, "Why don't you move in with me. I'll help you pay up your rent, get out from under it, and you can stay here and just....take a break. You need a break. Life is too heavy for you right now. You need to rest. Then, when you feel up to it again, you can go find a job and get back on your feet."

It was nearly a year later when he got a job as a truck driver and left me to take care of his business at home while he stayed gone for weeks at a time. One week when he came home for a break, we were discussing things. I was reminded of a story from the Bible and I told him, "You know, there is this man in the Bible who went through something similiar..." it was an innocent conversation. I was trying to be encouraging.

He listened with interest. He even commented. He was not a believer. But, he had a story of his own about a past that could have left him destitute. He was a recovering crack addict who lived on the streets until he decided to turn his life around. He went to police academy, got off the drugs, and even though he didn't become a cop, he made a living driving a wrecker and hauling off cars to be impounded.

It was then I found out he was the one who towed away my car on Christmas Eve the year before...just when things were turning bad.

Part of me wanted to shake my fists at him. But I listened. I forgave. After all, look where I was, considering where I could have been.

He then told me that a street preacher had prophesied to him that he was destined to become a preacher. He doubted that sincerely. God wasn't his thing.

I told him of the time I found myself pregnant again for the second time out of wedlock, and watched a preacher on TV with Cerebral Palsy who shouted at the TV as if he was talking to me alone and said, "My name is David. I have Cerebral Palsy. What's YOUR problem?"

We laughed. He made the statement, "I'm glad you aren't a Christian." That hit me like a ton of bricks. Was this the impression I gave him? No. That was ALL WRONG. I had to fix this.

I calmly told him, "Oh, but I am."

"Do what?"

"I AM a Christian."

"No, you are not."

"Yes, I am."

"If you were a Christian, you'd be preaching at me everytime I walk in the door and tell me how I'm going to hell, especially after what I just told you."

I asked him if that is what he really thought Jesus would do. I told him the story of how Jesus didn't condemn the woman who committed adultery. I told him how Jesus forgave with his dying breath.

He said, "But you don't really believe that God can do ANYTHING, do you? That miracles really exist?"

It was as if I was listening to God ask me, "Are you going to deny me as Peter did, Shonda?"

After what seemed like a forever moment of silence, I -- with a low voice -- heard myself say, "I....cannot....deny....the power of my God."

He looked at me like I was crazy for a moment. Then I told him, "Look, I am not going to tell you what to believe. That isn't my job as a Christian. But, I will tell you what I believe. I will even tell you why I believe it and what God has done for ME. But, it's YOUR choice. I will say this, I could be out on the streets right now. God used you to protect His child. I cannot deny the power of a God who can even use the unbeliever to do His will."

A year and a half later, during which time we had several other conversations about God and Christianity, in which he listened, and never ridiculed my beliefs, although at times he questioned why I believed as I did, he came on off the road.

"The Passion of the Christ" was playing in theaters. Our "tradition" at that time was to buy a season of Stargate and some pizza rolls and enjoy time with that, then go out on the town at least one night, then, go see a movie we haven't seen and eat in a restaurant together we haven't been to before. I wanted to see the Passion on that particular date.

So we did. It was ... AWSOME. I found myself flinching every time the whip ripped off my Lord's skin. I found myself Crying as he looked on them with love when they spat in his face. I found myself bawling when mother Mary ran after her baby when he fell down (reminded of my own baby boy at the time...and how I missed him so) and how she was watching that baby, who would always be HER baby boy, die a horrific death on the cross.

When the movie was over, no one said a word. It was quiet as we all filed out of the theater. He walked beside me, speechless. As we approached the car he stopped me. He said,

"I didn't understand. Now I do."

He became a trainer for his company. He bought a Bible and a DVD of that movie, and he began witnessing for Jesus.

My mission with him was accomplished...and my journey had just begun.