Change Me

Good morning, World!

I'm back!!!!

Yeah, been doing a lot of reflecting on Thanksgiving...since I couldn't eat at mom's and no one would bring me a piece of pie...and my kids are AWOL.

I've decided I've had enough of being the person I've been for the last few months. I'm going back to the person I was a year ago.

That's the thing. I can choose to be who I want to be. If there is something I don't like about myself, I can change it. And, ONLY I can change it. So, I've decided to go back to being who I like.

Doesn't change how I feel about anything...but it sure makes dealing with everything so much easier.

Of course, no one can truly be the same person they were a year ago. Life is full of experiences that change your perspective on things. And, I've definitely had some changes in perspective over the last few months.

I'm not going into detail about my private life, but I've been blind-sided and surprised by my own reaction to things that have taken place in my life that I never thought I would have to face. And, now, I'm to the point that I can finally grasp hold of solid ground after wading through some slippery muck.

My eyes are wide open. My mind is clearing up, and I praise God for humbling me AND teaching me some things that I REALLY needed to learn.

And, I praise God that He is a God of miracles -- mainly because I really need to see one right now. Even if I don't, I know He's got my back; and, that, in itself, is miraculous enough!

Have a blessed day!

Letting Go...

There comes a point in life where you find you have done all you can do, been all you can be, and said all you can say. At this point, it is time to "let go and let God."

It doesn't mean you give up. It just means you can't move forward until something gives. It means you are re-adjusting your focus. It means that apparently God doesn't want you there. Whether it's because He doesn't want you there, or He doesn't want you there RIGHT NOW remains to be seen. But, you can't force God's hand.

What will be will be. And, whatever will be is in God's hands.

Happy Thanksgiving

Hello, World!

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving.

Tonight, I have to work the graveyard shift at the Pitt Grill in New Boston. It's going to be a really slow night at work, I already know it. I am not looking forward to it.

Tomorrow, I'll rest at home before I have to go back to work tomorrow night. Just another day.

Mom has decided to spend thanksgiving elsewhere, so I won't have the opportunity to be with them this year. I can't blame them for wanting something different for a change.

Besides, Thanksgiving is about being thankful, right? I am thankful every single day.

I am thankful for my friends.
I am thankful for my job.
I am thankful for my family.
I am thankful for all the blessings life has to offer, from waking up in the morning, having a car to drive to work, having a hobby to do when I am not working to occupy my mind, eating, sleeping and having my two housemates to watch movies with or talk to on a daily basis.

I am thankful for so much more.

So, Thanksgiving is just another day. The time I spend with family and friends is not limited to just one day of the year...and can happen anytime. I wish it were more often...

Happy Thanksgiving, ya'll.

Ham, Employment and Avon

Hello, World!

Last night, Gary fixed a big ham with pineapple and Dr Pepper in the crock pot. It is delicious!

Ham. It's almost as good as bacon.

I worked my fanny off at work, even though we weren't busy. But, the waitress I was working with got sick in the middle of the shift. She does that a lot. So, tonight, I'll be working with another waitress so the manager can get some sleep. LOL

She is looking to hire more waitresses because some of our waitresses are proving to be undependable. And, she doesn't want to take me off cook position, because I'm just that good. Sigh... (So, if you are located near New Boston, Texas and you need a job as a waitress, go to the Pitt Grill and apply!)

This weather is making everyone sick. So, getting a day off is hard...which isn't a bad thing in my case.

If you haven't got an Avon brochure in a while, they are now available online! Just click HERE! And then, if you want to order, you can contact me on Facebook by clicking HERE OR you can order online from my store by clicking HERE

Have a blessed day!

Bad Day

Hello, World!

Yesterday was a really rough day.

When I got off work my battery was dead. I finally got a jump. I came home and went to sleep.

I woke up at noon because I had to take an Avon order for delivery at 2.

I get to E-Z Mart to fill up my gas, and when I get back in my car to start it, the battery is dead again. The lady that works at E-Z Mart jumped me off.

I went to my mom's to borrow some money to go get a new battery oh, and my stepdad points out that the tread is showing on my tire. I need a new tire. I'm due for a blowout. So I borrow some more money from my mom.

I went Daniel's used tire and got a used tire for $35.

Then I went to Walmart and got a battery for $60. While I was there I bought some booster cables. Figured it's easier to find someone to jump me off if I already have cables.

As I'm pulling out of the garage at Walmart, I hear this loud thump, thump, thump noise coming from my dash.

"What is wrong with my car?!" I exclaimed. It wasn't doing that before I got there. They said it might have something to do with the fan motor but that they were not responsible.

So I called a mechanic friend to ask him to take a look at it. And he did and assured me that it had nothing to do with how my car ran. It's just going to take a little bit for me to get it fixed.

I don't have any money right now, so I guess I'll just put up with the noise.

I went back home now and took a nap. I had to work again last night. I hoped that when I woke up the day would be better.

Today, it is a beautiful warm day outside. The baby-dogs will be spending some time outdoors today while I relax from all the stress of yesterday -- before I have to work again tonight.

Yesterday wasn't so bad, though. I have some really great friends. It helped make the day seem less frustrating.

I have to work, then I am off Wednesday and Thursday to clean house again. I wish I had a Brownie Girl Scout who would come clean my house for me for free...LOL

Ya'll have a blessed day!

Addicted to Love

I've been through enough crap to realize that love tricks your mind into thinking that you can't live without someone you love most in your life.

Love is an addiction. Just like any other addiction, the only cure for the effects that love has on you is distance.

Five years of being single has already taught me that I don't need anyone but God to survive.

I don't want to go back down that road. The road that leads to depression and longing for something I can't have, don't want, or am in fear of losing every day.

Love is not supposed feel like that. Relationships are built on trust, not covetousness. We should keep that in mind as we take the steps necessary to correct and be rid of addictive behaviors.

This doesn't mean you don't care. It doesn't mean you give up on the person you love. It just means that you are willing to walk away in order to make EVERYONE happy.

Love Yourself First

When you learn to BE the kind of person that you hope to let into your heart, that is when you know that you have "arrived". Because when you get to that point in your life, you realize that no one will ever fit the bill. The best you can do is hope that someone else arrives at a place in theirs to allow the chance that something great can happen. But, if it never does...that's okay, too; because you KNOW who YOU are.

Again, it isn't "settling". It's ARRIVING. And THAT is what will make it GREAT!

Get to know YOURSELF before ever thinking of going into a relationship; because once you realize what you can accomplish alone, the word "relationship" is not defined by NEED anymore. It then becomes a "gift".

And, a gift is something you GIVE. And, at that point, you will have SO MUCH to GIVE to someone who you feel deserves it!

I have learned what the words "Love yourself first" truly means! I always thought it was a "selfish" concept. But in truth, it is the most unselfish thing you can do!

Jesus said that we should love our neighbor AS THYSELF (Mark 12:31). He did NOT say "Love thy neighbor BEFORE thyself." You can't truly love ANYONE unless you love yourself FIRST!

Letting Go

I have learned so well to let go.

I used to wonder what it would feel like not to have to let go. I am human. Letting go isn't something I naturally want to do.

Now, I'm finally to the realization that letting go is not something you do because you have no choice. Letting go is something you do because it's the best choice you can make. And, it should be a lifestyle, not a temporary fix.

To let go means to trust. If you can't trust who or what you are letting go of, then you should trust God to take care of it. Either way, it's never in your best interest to hold on to anything.

The old Tracy Chapman song, "Give me one reason" says, "I don't want no one to squeeze me, they might take away my life"

Letting go isn't the end of life. It's the beginning. It's not up to you how it ends, but it IS up to you how well you live it.

Get Back Up

Hello, World!

I got my first paycheck this morning, but it wasn't a full one because I didn't work a full week.

Still trying to catch up on bills. I have a whole $2 left in my bank account today. LOL...

But, my Avon will be in on Thursday. I'll have over $100 to deliver, and then I get paid a full paycheck (-1hour) on Monday.

I am off work after tonight until Friday (yes, I have it verified by the manager) So I'm looking forward to two days off to rest! Yesterday I thought I was off and the manager called me ten minutes after my shift started to tell me I was on the schedule to work. I was not a happy camper, but I went in. LOL

I told her when she came in this morning that "I promise I don't miss work if I know I'm supposed to be here!" and assured her I would be here on time tonight.

And, I bought a new shirt to work in tonight. (Didn't want to wash clothes again today..LOL)

I'm slowly getting back on my feet...

Have a blessed day!

God is in Control

Hello, World!

It's a beautiful day outside today. I am resting up before I have to go to work tonight.

I am at another milestone in my life, too. One where I realize how much work I need to do on myself before I can let anyone else in to be a part of it.

I need to step back and take stock of where I am and keep my focus where it should be -- on the One who is in control of everything. I need to stop trying to control my life.

Besides, I've learned over and again that trying to control any situation in my life only makes things worse. I mess up things royally.

It's easy to learn to not control anyone else, but when it comes to what you want for yourself, it becomes hard to distinguish between the two, sometimes. And even if it doesn't involve someone else, it is still just as hard because to seek control is selfish.

I have been through a lot in my life where I have let others control me to the point of nearly ruining me. So, taking control of my own life has been a victory for me, to a point. But, it is also just as destructive in the wrong situations.

So, God, I'm giving the reins back to You...because at least I know YOU have my best interest at heart. And, I'm asking you to fix anything I've broken while I've tried to have control. I believe in miracles. I believe in Your ability to restore and mend everything. I believe in your ability to bless those who are really making the effort. And, I repent that my effort has been lacking. In Jesus' Name, I pray. Amen

Ya'll have a blessed day!

The Dance

I grieve every day of my life.

I grieve for the life I could have have...if only.

I grieve for the mistakes I made, for the mistakes others made, for what I've had to endure because of it, for who I wish I could have been, for who I am now because of it.

I grieve for the ones I love who are so wrapped up in their own lives that they miss what's right in front of them.

I grieve for the pain I see around me, and for not being able to do anything about it -- no matter how much I wish I could just wave my hand and take it all away.

I grieve for how much more I want to give but can't because it isn't accepted.

I grieve the precious time I waste wallowing in the misery of wanting something I can never have; for the hope I continue to have in spite of it, even though it isn't warranted.

Not a day goes by when I don't cry in my frustrations over all my grief, but I continue forward.

I continue forward because I believe in a just God, and I believe in miracles. And, I believe that even if my life comes to a close and I never get what I want, I did what I was supposed to do: endure, love, and have faith. And, I believe that in my next life, God is going to take away all my present desires and pain, and He is going to give me something new and refreshing. I believe that the pain will be worth it.

It's a New Day

Hello, World!

It is a brand new day! And, today, I feel as if I have been given another chance.

I recently started working at a local restaurant as a cook, and I will go in on graveyard shift tonight to begin my second week. It will be the last night of my training as cook.

And, THEN, I will be in training as a server. I will be working all shifts as a server or a cook as needed after that. It is going to be rough, but I feel confident in my job.

I recently had to borrow about $300 more dollars to make it until payday. Bills are due, and I haven't been pushing Avon much.

I still have about $50 worth of Avon to deliver, though. But the customers have not been able to come up with the money yet, or I have not been able to contact the customer.

And, recently, I have been stepping out some, socializing more, and being more open to the possibility of having an exclusive relationship with someone. But, if I have learned anything during the past five years of healing after my last relationship, it's that I don't NEED to be tethered in order to be happy. And, I am perfectly happy the way things are in my life. I am really unsure if I want the responsibility of maintaining a relationship with someone.

I guess if I ever do decide to take that plunge, I am still at ground zero, where it would take someone REALLY special to fill that place in my heart again. I am not wanting to take the chance of having another broken heart to deal with, on top of everything else I have going on my life. It would be too stressful.

So, as usual, I am me. And, I am happy to be so!

Have a blessed day!

Red Flag Warnings

When you are contemplating a relationship with someone, it is always best to keep your eyes and ears open. Many people go head first into a relationship, ignoring red flags that could have saved them lots of grief if they had only heeded the warning signs.

I spent 5 years in an abusive relationship. One of the warning signs that I had failed to heed was how quickly his mood changed, and how quickly he was to anger.

It made me feel as if I had done something wrong and I needed to fix it. I spent way too much time in the relationship trying to fix what I didn't mess up to begin with, but at the time it felt as if I had.

When the relationship was over, I found myself acting the same way he had acted toward me, toward everybody else. It was then that I realized I had issues that needed to be fixed. It was then that I decided I was not going to put someone else through what I just came out of.

Remember, if you play in the dirt, you get dirty...so if you find yourself in a friendly situation with someone, and it has not develooped into a relationship yet, and you see a warning sign, it's probably best to keep your distance, stay on friendly terms, but determine to take it extremely slow until these issues are conquered.

Seeing red flags doesn't mean there is no hope for the future. Remember, the person who issued the warning sign probably knows he or she was wrong in doing it, and is working to solve the problem in their own time and at their own pace. If you press the issue and decide to jump in, you are not giving the other person the time to process their feelings and think with a clear mind.

You can be a catalyst for healing, or you can be an emotional (or physical) punching bag. Tread lightly. It is best to make sure all the punches are out before proceeding with caution.

No one likes walking on eggshells all the time.

Getting Back My Groove...

Hello, World!

I have worked a straight 5 days at the restaurant. Tonight, I'll be the graveyard cook in training for that shift.

I really think this job is good for me. It is helping me to get back into shape. My legs feel so much better than they did when I first started.

I have always liked to have jobs that kept me moving constantly because it is good for my health. This job is, as my friend who visited the store yesterday said, "better than a gym membership". LOL

I'm REALLY looking forward to getting that first paycheck though. God actually came through "RIGHT ON TIME" once again!

Thank you, Jesus!

My Milo is having troubles jumping onto the couch and bed. His bones are starting to ache, I think. I guess he's about getting that age. He's 7 years old this month. Poor baby. Going to see if I can get him some arthritis formula that will help him next time I go get groceries.

He's still active, though. He and Otis chase each other around a lot and wrestle. He just can't seem to make that extra "push" it takes for him to jump onto higher places.

I am still selling Avon. So please make your order for Campaign 24 ASAP! Just click HERE to order online and have it delivered directly to YOU from Avon (I still get credit if you use THIS link!)

Have a blessed day!