Wedding Feast

It is amazing to me, still, how some people can treat you so badly. They can spit on you when you are in need asking for help. They can accuse you of being frivolous when you are not.

They judge you because you don't have what they have, even though they have watched you for ten years go from being abused, battered, nearly homeless with nothing but a work uniform to wear, no car, no phone, no computer, working part time for min wage, to living in a nice apartment with a pool downstairs, phone, 3 computers, cars, and working overtime for twice what min wage is, and helping others when they can. They have seen that you can barely move around, yet you continue to work.

They have watched you drop old habits and form new ones that were healthier.

And, they still want to verbally assault you and refuse to help you when things start going bad, kicking you while you are down.

Yet, when I call them on it, suddenly I am the bad person. I am the one who is being mean?

I promise you, when I am up again, I will remember who my true friends and family are. I hope you don't have too much pride to ask for help when you need it, and when I have it. I will be there for those who helped me. And, for those who did not and prayed for me. And for those who kept their mouths shut, because they were too prideful and afraid of being judged for helping me.

But, those who kick me while I am down will get to squirm first. I will determine whether or not they deserve to be helped at that point by what they have learned from it. I will forgive them, but I will never forget. I will be merciful, but I will not throw my pearls before the swine to be trampled upon again.

For those of you who say that is not Christian, I beg of you to read the story of Joseph and his brothers. Joseph made them squirm to determine if they've learned anything before revealing who he was.

Some people never learn. They will not help you when you are in quicksand, and as you sink lower, they blame you and fault you and throw it in your face that you are not standing on firm ground, yet they offer no help for you to do so. And, their excuse is that they found their own way out at one time or another, even though the way they got out is not available to the one who is sinking.

Yes, I will remember them. I will forgive them. I may even give them the opportunity to make it right by being there for me again in the future, in case they change their ways. But I will never forget.

I have no problem cutting people out of my life who spit in my face and kick me while I am down. As I have proven in the last few days, when one is shut out, the door is open for two more to take their place. Hopefully, the two more gained are much better people.

If you are one of those people who kick me while I am down, and are given the opportunity to be there for me again in the future, I hope you think about how unworthy you are of my help when you need it before you make a decision to kick me again.

Matthew Chapter 12

46 While he yet talked to the people, behold, his mother and his brethren stood without, desiring to speak with him.

47 Then one said unto him, Behold, thy mother and thy brethren stand without, desiring to speak with thee.

48 But he answered and said unto him that told him, Who is my mother? and who are my brethren?

49 And he stretched forth his hand toward his disciples, and said, Behold my mother and my brethren!

50 For whosoever shall do the will of my Father which is in heaven, the same is my brother, and sister, and mother.

Temporary Setback
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Hot Day

It is hot out today. And, it is the Sabbath.

I'm not going to stress too much today. But I'm going to work as much as I am able. I only have 7 days to make enough money to pay my rent.

I deposited my money into ETrade last night but it's not showing this morning. I'm hoping it's because it is Saturday.

I washed my clothes last night. I'm good for another couple of weeks now.

I made more tea this morning.

So this lady in a pink Jeep was driving in front of me a few cars up. She had a bunch of stuff in her passenger seat. A suitcase was on top of it. It fell out of the Jeep as she was making the turn at the stoplight. She had to go up a little ways to turn around to come back and get it.

A car stopped and picked up her suitcase and put it in his car. He was going the opposite direction. I saw her coming back. I hope she didn't need anything out of that suitcase!

I'm praying to get out from under this debt bondage again.

I have been feeling spiritually distant over the past week due to all of the events that happened. I am trying to stay on top of my prayer life, but everything feels so heavy right now.

I know God's got this! He's going to pull me through somehow, some way, someday!

I bought $13 worth of gas to start my day.

Rough Week, And Then Some

I've had a really rough week this last seven or eight days. 

My dad died last Thursday. He left behind two dogs that really need a home, someone to take care of them. They are being fed and looked after but they need more human interactions while we wait for the estate to settle and figure out what's going to happen to the house.

If Dad had left the house to me I would keep the dogs. But I don't think he did. I really don't want the house. It needs a lot of work, but I would do what I had to do if I had inherited it. I figure it's probably a blessing that I didn't. And I can't take on another responsibility at this point.

My aunt is not discussing the will until it is able to be read with both me and my brother present. So it's life as normal for me. I am praying that I did not inherit anymore responsibilities.

I have been too busy to really sit down and think long enough to mourn my Dad's passing. But I don't think he'd want me to cry anyway. He was always very impatient with any show of feeling on my part. My mother is too. So, I'm just barreling through trying to do everything I normally do every day.

I stayed with my Aunt Charlene until the funeral home came to pick daddy up from the hospital. I am behind on my rent, so I had no choice but to go to work and not think about it. You don't realize how strong you are until something like this happens.

I went to my dad's visitation, and his funeral the next day.

On Wednesday, my friend Gary also passed away. I had helped him and my friend Fred to get off the streets about 5 years before. I tried to look after them to make sure that they had everything they needed. Their health had declined so much that staying on the streets was not survivable for them anymore.

I contacted his sister to let him know when he went to the hospital so that she was able to contact the hospital just before he passed away.

A friend made me some bags of food to go pick up, and I did that. I also bagged up a lot of stuff that I had too much of, and I sent a care package to someone else in need.

I am still praying that God gets me out of this debt bondage. I would like to be able to take a break and think about all these things and get it out of my system. But I can't right now. I'm too busy fighting for my own survival.

I know there is a purpose to this. God is looking out for me. And God will get me through all of it.

You Get The Glory

I woke up at 11 A.M. today.

Yesterday was not a busy day for me. I ended up making back what I spent on the tire, eating and gas, but that is it. I am glad I had the God Account to fall back on.

Yes, the first thing I did was go and get a new tire when I left, then I went and ate, then went to work. I did some Spark, GrubHub, Lyft and Uber yesterday.

When I came home, I cooked some fried chicken in the air fryer.

I didn't want to wake up this morning. I was sleeping so good! Then, when I finally forced myself out of bed, I was groggy for 20 minutes. I fixed leftover chicken to eat, heating it in the microwave, and a glass of tea to start the day.

I need to buy more tea.

Last night, I picked up a lady who was going the ATM. Her husband is in prison and Her Paypal account wasn't working right, and she needed to transfer money onto her CashApp to have the money to send to him.

Yeah...don't ask me. I just drive.

So, I took her to the ATM, then I had to end the ride, because Uber App said it was the drop off location. The lady asked me if I would drive her to the Dollar Store so she could get the cash put on her CashApp card. She gave me a $20 bill to do so.

Yeah, I didn't turn that down, either.

When I got home, I watched the rest of the "Beyond Blessing" series, about managing money as a Christian. Then, I went to a sermon spot and looked up similiar sermons about how to manage money as a Christian.

I went to bed around 3 A.M.

Today, I have to get more tea. I'm also going to buy some vitamins. I am wearing out, and I need energy. I also need my medication, but I can't right now. I can't afford it.

Lord, thank You for yesterday, and all the lessons You taught me in it.

I really need Your rest, Lord. And, I need Your help getting out of this debt bondage I am in.

Thank You that I have good food to eat at home.

Make me better today than I was yesterday. Give me more and better opportunities to serve You. Lead me, guide me, show me the way. Teach me to love and forgive as You do.

Be with my children, my family, and my lists. Minister to their needs and draw them all closer to You.

Lord, I know that You protect me from Your judgments, as You did Moses when Your glory passed by him, thanks to the saving grace of the blood of Jesus! Your mercy is gracious and good! Just like Moses, I can see the back side of Your glory. I see the works You leave in Your wake as You pass by. I see the finger of Your hand in my life. I have never seen Your face, but I see the effects of Your actions. To YOU be all the glory and all the credit and all the reward!

In Jesus's Holy Name, I pray, Amen!

Exodus Chapter 33

22 And it shall come to pass, while my glory passeth by, that I will put thee in a clift of the rock, and will cover thee with my hand while I pass by:

23 And I will take away mine hand, and thou shalt see my back parts: but my face shall not be seen.

It All Belongs To You

Today, I woke up at 11 AM.

I am moving back to my Blog Spot blog because my Wix account is not updating my pay. For some reason, my card won't accept payment through that site.

I've been having a lot of trouble with my debit card accepting payments lately, so I am shutting it off and getting a new one at my bank - which I will have to do next month anyway, because it is expiring. It is causing me undue stress that I really cannot handle right now.

Today, I have to go get a new tire. I've sold some stock from the "God Account" to help me pay for it, so I won't miss out on paying my bills because of it.

My God Account is there for such times as this, anyway. It is God's money. It is how He takes care of me when I have urgent needs and He can't depend on others to be His hands and feet. I don't see anyone else offering to help me, so I have to depend on God to do it, and I can't believe God would want me to go into more debt at this point, when I am begging Him to get me out of debt bondage.

Eventually, I want enough money in there that I can serve God full time, and not worry about my bills or paying off any debts. But for now, I have to depend on God's money that I tithe every day to help me. I will start paying 12% (10% plus a fifth part thereof) instead of 10%, until the money I take out of it ($105) is replenished in the account, because I am taking it to keep ME going.

Of course, at some point, I want to start putting ALL I earn into it, and only use what I need to survive and help others with the earnings from the investments.

The God Account funds my ministry. Right now, I don't have anything to give away because I am not seeing enough return on my investments. I have been re-investing the money God gives me through it, to keep it growing.

This will leave me $105 in the account.

At least God has seen fit that I am not behind on my bills.

I've been watching "Beyond Blessed", where Pastor Robert Morris teaches about financial stewardship. It has really influenced me and my decision making financially. I don't buy anything that I don't absolutely need to survive. I use everything I have to pay bills and my debts.

It's still not enough, but I am inching forward.

Lord, Thank You for leading me into great insights.

I thank You for taking care of me so that I can continue to serve You daily with my work.

Please help me get out of this debt bondage that I am in so that I can do more for Your great cause!

Be with my children and my family, and my lists, and make me better today than I was yesterday. Bless the work of my hands, that I may give more toward Your ministry.

It ALL belongs to You, Lord. I am trusting YOU to help me!

Lead me, guide me, show me the way and teach me to love and forgive as You do.

In Jesus's Holy Name, I pray, Amen!

Deuteronomy 10:14

“Behold, the heaven and the heaven of heavens is the LORD'S thy God, the earth also, with all that therein is.”

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I will fear no more

Hello, World!

For those who don't know, yet, I am contemplating putting all I own into a storage unit, getting a mailbox at one of those mom and pop mailbox places so I can have a permanent address, sending my dogs off to be cared for by good people for the remainder of their lives, and travelling the USA in my car, doing Door Dash, Grub Hub, Waitr, Spark and Ubereats everywhere I go for a living, while ministering to the homeless and telling my story in shelters and churches and places I have never been to people who have never heard it, spreading the good news about Jesus as I go!

Believe it or not, there are people in our OWN country who have not heard the good news. Many have heard of Jesus, but not about what He can do, what He did or WHY. I know this because I have run into some. And, it is sad when you run into a 19 year old kid that, when you say something about Noah from the Bible, he says, "Isn't that the guy that swam across the salt sea to save the jews?"

???

In our OWN COUNTRY!

When Jesus started His ministry, even his disciples didn't understand what He was doing or why. Matthew 13:54-58, Jesus said, "A prophet is not without honour, save in his own country, and in his own house," when people who had known him all His life were not agreeable to what He was doing. So, it honors me to be in His good company.

Yes, anything could happen while I'm out there, and I wouldn't be here near family...but let's be realistic: What is my family going to do with me if I get put into the hospital while I am here? I went through that with my gall bladder, remember? I was there alone most of the time. I went home and recovered alone. It's why Gary and Fred moved in with me. AND THEY ARE NOT MY FAMILY! And none of my friends showed up when I was there either. So seriously, what can family do for me HERE that they can't do for me when I am THERE? Read Matthew 12:47-50.

I am not claiming to be a prophet. I am merely a disciple. And, I am taking the great commission seriously. I have done what I can where I am, now it is time for me to move on to some place new.

If I were going to Africa to minister there, would it be met with as much friction?

This is not something that I have not thought about for several years. I've even mentioned it. But, now that I am seriously contemplating it all, and the time is growing shorter for me to jump in and get my feet wet, suddenly everyone is giving me doom about it.

I will not be afraid, for God is with me.

I will not fail to have faith enough to fight even the biggest problems that will occur, like David with Goliath, when everyone told him he was crazy, too.

I will keep my eye on the prize, and I will live abundantly.

No one is going to talk me OUT of doing what I feel God is trying to talk me INTO.

YOLO

Have a blessed night!

Yes I will

Good morning, World!

God spoke to me in my dreams last night. I know this, because I actually had dreams. I haven't dreamed often lately, and usually, when I have a dream I remember, it is prophetic.

The gist of what I am getting of the message that God gave me was that there was going to be a drastic, overwhelming, very emotional change in my life soon, and that there was purpose in what was about to happen that would lead to me finding and establishing new relationships in my life.

I am not sure how to take that...except that it is a little bit in line with the plans for the future that I have been contemplating.

God tends to speak to me in a myriad of ways, and usually not all of them at the same time...but I feel there is a sense of urgency because this time He has used more than one way to tell me what He is planning for my life.

I am SO not ready for this!

I got an email today from a line of income I applied for 2 years ago that said I had been blocked because of conduct issues on deliveries I had made with them, but I have never done a delivery through them, so that is impossible. I contacted them to appeal and told them so. LOL

Today I start working to try to make $419 before the 20th of this month to pay my bills for the next week, from the 20th-27th. I already have most of that in my E-trade account ($372) so I think I will have that covered today, with all the rest going into my E-trade account for the first of the month bills.

I'm going to work real hard to have the money I need before the 27th. I have to come up with $1600 by then. I don't see that happening in one week's time, so I have to work hard this week, even though my bills will be covered for next week.

This also means I may have to work on the Sabbath, again.

Have a blessed day!

I Choose Jesus

Hello, World!

I am home. I hit goal, so I didn't stay out.

This week, I have to make $419 to pay all the bills from this coming Tuesday until the next Tuesday (The 27th). I think I have that covered.

With all of my apps, I made a little over $600 this week, and my bills were only $390, so my E-trade investments are growing. At least until the 1st of the month.

I didn't go shopping tonight. I didn't eat out either. I came home and fixed a couple of hamburger patties. Call it the "Atkins" diet. I'm still not losing weight.

And, I'm tired of trying.

I'm still reflecting and thinking about my future. I have some big decisions to make ahead of me...but it is going to be quite a while down the road before I make them definitively.

Regardless of what I do, I have one choice already made that is as definitive as it will ever get: I choose Jesus!

Have a blessed night!

Rest For Your Soul

Happy Midnight, World.

I just finished watching "Legacy Peak" and "A Christmas...Present" on Pure Flix.

I figure it is time for some Christmas movies.

I made $100 today. It feels good to know that I don't have to stress over paying my bills next week, and now I can start working on the next week's bills. I have to make $418 to cover the rest of the month. It is only the tenth. I think I have that covered.

And, it feels even better knowing I should have my Uber and Lyft accounts back online by the first of next year.

I asked for a good start for the New Year. God did not fail me. Praise be to Him who answers prayer!

Tomorrow, I plan to stay home and clean house and wash clothes. I plan to relax and not drive. I plan to take a day off that I haven't been able to take off since Thanksgiving. I owe it to God, and myself.

Have a blessed night!