You Reap What You Sow

Hello, World.

I have come face to face with myself over the past few days in such a way that it has made me realize why I am where I am in my life.

Sometimes, God allows the past to creep up on us. Satan will use it to tempt us to veer off the set course we are on and disrupt our peace. He dangles possibilities like a carrot on a stick, and when we finally reach the carrot, we find that it is old and sour and has lost the flavor that made it so enticing to begin with.

I spent five years of the last six learning to depend on God completely. I was happy. I looked forward to seeing what each new day would bring. I was filled with ambition and determination and I learned how to love on a different level. I had no need for a secluded relationship with anyone else, and I didn't want one.

Gradually, I started seeing a carrot dangling in the distance. I started thinking "what if?" I even rationalized that maybe God thought I was ready for it, and was putting it in front of me for a reason.

He was. But, not for the reason I thought at the time.

I went after the carrot with everything I had in me. That was my first mistake.

When the carrot tasted bad, I tried everything to make it taste better. I ended up getting a bad stomach-ache instead.

Then, I got angry at the carrot just for being there. Like, it was the carrot's fault it was so enticing. I threw it angrily on the garbage heap.

I know, that is so unfair to the carrot. I actually like carrots. I shouldn't have been so hard on the carrot. The carrot was just being a carrot.

Like I said, I got angry. Never mind that past experience has taught me that getting angry is self-destructive. So, I sought to replace the carrot with a juicier carrot. There were carrots in other places to choose from.

When I found a new carrot, I found that that one was just as sour tasting. My stomach was already upset, so I threw it away. I was still looking at the first carrot. I was still angry at the first carrot, so I didn't take it out on the second carrot. I just discarded it quietly.

Then, I went for a walk in the wild garden of life. I asked for carrots. Surely, I would find a carrot that was ready to be eaten. And, I finally came across a carrot that looked nice and my curiosity was peaked. How would it taste? I knew enough, at this point, to be careful about biting into it without testing it first.

Besides, my stomach was still upset.

My anger was subsiding, finally, though.

This new carrot had a sign on it that said, "Eat me. I'm good. I promise your stomach can take me." There was even a sample to try.

But, now, I found I wasn't hungry anymore.

The new carrot is better off waiting for someone who is hungry who will enjoy it more.

As for me, I realized that I had done without carrots for a long time before the first carrot came along. God had given me food that didn't upset my stomach until then. I didn't even crave the carrots during that time. I needed to go back to not looking at carrots. I needed to focus on the rest of the garden.

So, I went back to the first carrot and picked it up out of the garbage heap I had thrown it in, feeling guilty for being so disgraceful with it. I carried it over to some freshly tilled earth and carefully planted it there.

Maybe it will grow again. Maybe one day, that sour, bad-tasting carrot that upset my stomach will grow into a nice juicy carrot one day that is ripe for the picking.

Until then, I don't need to disrupt the comfort of other carrots. I don't need or even want a carrot right now after this experience. Instead, I need to find other vegetables to plant as well.

You reap what you sow.

Have a blessed day!