Day 3: Smoke Free

48 hours after you quit: It may not be life-threatening, but an inability to smell or taste well is one of the more obvious consequences of smoking. Once you quit smoking for 48 hours, your nerve endings will start to regrow, and your ability to smell and taste will improve. You’ll soon start to better appreciate the finer things in life. Healthline.com

I don't know about that. I still can't smell the way I am supposed to, but I know it is coming. Liz offered to wash all my bedding and get rid of the cigarette butts and clean ashtrays and all that today to help me.

Everyone has been encouraging.

I woke up this morning and the craving wasn't so intense. I'm still sucking on a sucker though.

Day 2: Smoke Free!

Sigh. I have not had a cigarette since I went to sleep at 6:AM Monday morning. It is now after midnight Monday night/Tuesday morning, and I am home to enjoy my day off tomorrow.

It was hard for me at work tonight. I knew it would be so easy to go to the smoking area on break and bum a cigarette. But, I didn't.

I ate a lot of wintergreen Icebreakers, LOL. I even ate in the cafeteria at work today. When a security guard asked me how I was doing, I said, "I quit smoking this morning and I want a cigarette." LOL

The next time he saw me he said, "How's it going?" To which I replied, "You knew better than to ask how I was doing didn't you?"

As I was walking out the door to go to my car, I had to pass by the patient smoking area. I took a deep breath and said loudly, "It's SOOO tempting! I will not give in. I will not give in. ONE YEAR. I'm committed. I will not give in for one year. Then, if I find that not smoking has not bettered my life, I will go back." I am sure that by then, I will find a lot of ways to say my life is better for not smoking. I hope.

At home, at least I can keep my fingers busy on the keyboard, and my mouth busy with a sucker or a home made sloppy joe sandwich.

I went to bed at 4:00 and slept until 10:00 AM. I woke up feeling alert, but a little nauseated. And, my mouth tastes like ash tray.

I am now 28 hours smoke free. According to Healthline.com, my risk for having a heart attack or coronary heart disease has significantly declined. However, I don't feel much different.

I am still craving, but the Wintergreen flavored Icebreakers seem to take care of that quicker.

Satan is on one shoulder telling me that I shouldn't punish myself. Jesus is on the other shoulder telling me that I am not being punished. In the long run, I'll be blessed. He has the big picture. Satan just wants us to look at the smaller, more immediate picture.

I have not had so much as a puff of a cigarette in over 28 hours. At home, I have been tempted to grab a butt of a cigarette. I have refused it, however, and am determined to see this through.

I suddenly felt like laying back down. It's just as well. I figured I'd just sleep through the cravings. When I woke up at noon, I was hearing Pastor Paul Sheppard on Christian Talk Radio saying that Satan wants everything God doesn't in his Dressed for Spiritual Warfare broadcast All I could do was say, "Thank you, Jesus. I needed this."

Day 1: Smoke Free!

12:35 PM
Around 6 hours ago, I smoked my last cigarette. Since I have never read anyone's account of what happens when one quits smoking, I figured I'd write my own.

My heart rate and blood pressure should be close to normal levels right about now.

I woke up, (I'm a day sleeper) prayed hard, and yes, I wanted a cigarette. I got a candy apple sucker instead. That helped.

I am dreading going to work without a cigarette. Or, maybe I am dreading it because it will be so easy to bum one...

I have been smoking since I was 14 years old. Quitting is not going to be easy. AND, I am doing it cold turkey.

I have a lot of withdrawal to look forward to.

My roommate left the house. On purpose. She doesn't want to deal with me as I go through withdrawal. LOL. She said she'd either be gone a few days, or be asleep when I come home.

Everything is beautiful!

Every morning that you can wake up and find things to be thankful for is the start of a beautiful day. Therefore, every day is beautiful!

As I was waking up this morning, I thought about how to describe my relationship with God. Having a relationship with God is like being married to someone who's handicap makes it hard to speak or hear, or even see. I am the one with the handicap. So, we have to find ways to communicate that doesn't involve my voice box or ears or eyes. He has already shown me that He loves me. And, when He needs to communicate with me, He uses every means possible to do so so that I can understand. (Kind've like Helen Keller. It took her a long time to understand, but when she finally did, she blossomed!)

Spaghetti

7/29/16 (The day before)
Came home and Liz (My live-in maid/roommate) has my house decorated with pictures and what nots. She said, "I didn't cook tonight." I said, "That's okay, I ate at Denny's." LOL Then she asked me, "Will you cook spaghetti tomorrow night?" I said, "Do we have the stuff?" She said, "No." I said, "So I have to go to the store tomorrow to get Spaghetti stuff?" She said, "That's why I asked." Sigh...she likes my spaghetti. LOL...so we're having spaghetti tomorrow. Just because she asked.She doesn't ask for much.

Ain't it pretty

Back in 2005, in my younger more stupid years, I used to own a bar. I ran it for about 9 months. Long enough for it to birth out what was going to become of me so that God could later be glorified.

Anyway, I had a spaghetti dinner one night. I made the spaghetti. There was a LOT of it.

Not many people came by that night, so at the end of the night, there was still a LOT of spaghetti left.

I knew the Banshees MC was hanging out at their clubhouse that night, and quite a few would be there. So, I called them up. I told them who I was and asked them if they were hungry.

"Yeah, a little." was the reply.

I told them I had a lot of Spaghetti left and asked them if I could bring it to them.

They agreed.

When I got there, I set everything up. They had to provide some of the dishes...but hey...

Then I sat back and watched as every last bite of my spaghetti disappeared.

One of them went back three times. I asked him, "Are you enjoying that?"

"It's the best ******* spaghetti I've ever ate in my LIFE!"

I thoroughly enjoyed that night. And, it brought me some business, later.

Liz was my bartender back then. I think she remembered it. Maybe that is why she asked for it.

When I was only 14 years old, I used to hang out with three friends. I dated one and my friend Malissa dated one. So, every outing was like a double date. We did lots of things together: bonfires in the middle of a hay field, sitting around the fire playing guitar and drinking wine...horseback riding at the lake. I think we went skating once. I even got them to agree to go to church...once. LOL

On Sundays, we'd hang out and watch wrestling. One Sunday, my mom made spaghetti. My friends still talk about it today. It's where I got the recipe. My mom.

And, there are nothing but good memories surrounding Spaghetti!

Living "Outside the Box"

I am a people watcher. I watch people, what they say, how they say it, how they act, their body language, and try to figure out why they say what they say and do what they do on a deeper level, so that I can understand people that I come into contact with each day...their motives, their goals, and what they ultimately want.

Most people want to "belong". They do and say things that they know will get them pats on the back, or "likes" on Facebook, or what they perceive as "respect" from their peers. What I have found is that no matter how many pats, likes, or friends a person has, if he or she doesn't believe in their own cause, seems stuck "spinning their wheels", never seems to be "improving" their own lives, they are unhappy, alone, and miserable.

I have learned to live "outside the box". This means that I don't care how many "pats on the back" I get, or how many "likes" on Facebook or any other social media, or how many people want to shake my hand or brag that they know me. I care about truth. I care about my relationship with the One that IS "the Way, the Truth, and the Life." As a result, I have become extremely happy. I HAVE a sense of belonging that I didn't ask for, and I get people around me that love me, even though I am imperfect.

Trying to be perfect without acknowledging the one who is as the one who can make you so is like competing with a giant who could squish you at will with no consequences to bear for it. I'd rather have the giant carry me on His shoulder. The Giant I serve, however, is merciful in that He gives people a chance to be carried. He is careful not to squish even those who hate Him, in hopes that they will change their point of view toward Him. One day, however, He will become angry at their insolence enough to squish them all, so He will only be surrounded by those who really love Him. Those He would lovingly do anything for, lifting them higher and higher so they can see the Universe as He does.

I could care less what others think of me or my beliefs. I only become aggressive when others try to deny my right to worship in the way I see fit. Worship for me is not something I do on one day of the week, for a few hours. Worship is something I do with my life, in living how He has said I should live.

If I have to do it alone, by myself, I will do it because it fulfills me, and with Him, I am NEVER alone.

Let my daily prayer be as this woman's in the final scenes of "The War Room"

I serve the God of all time and wonder...

Good morning, World.

I don't know which way this country is headed. I don't know what God has in store for tomorrow. I don't know if it is going to be a busy day at the hospital today or not. I don't know if I'll even be here tomorrow, or if you will.

I don't know if I'll lose my sister or brother to the violence that seems to permeate our world at times, or if my niece's and nephews will survive to have children or see their grandchildren in this world that is slowly growing more chaotic every day.

I don't know if I'll lose my mom or dad to some sort of foreign outbreak that makes its way to this part of the world, or if disease and plague will be the talk of the day.

I don't know if my own children will make choices to stand for peace, light and hope in this world of darkness and suffering.

But, I do know one thing. Jesus is coming soon. Right now, I pray that God walks with us through these valleys and over these mountains and through the raging rivers and on the tidal waves of our lives. I pray that His Will is to protect us, and love us, and provide for our every need. His word has already said it was so. And, I believe He will do what He says.

I believe that God never changes. The same God that spared Noah, knocked down the walls of Jericho, made the sun stand still, divided the Red Sea, fed the Israelites with manna from heaven for forty years, comforted Elijah with bread and oil from a poor widow who had poured her last drop into a cup, healed the sick, caused the blind to see, cast out demons and so much more, is the same God I serve today.

He is the same God that breathed life into my oldest son who was born lifeless. He gave me shelter and food when I was homeless. He helped me and a friend walk away from a car that ran up a tree and flipped over 3 times with minor concussion and scratches. He gave me a job that allows me to give more to others, by what I do as well as what I have. He has given me everything I own at minimal cost, if any at all, to me. He helped me pay off debts in less than half the time allowed, when I had little money. Every single day He performs miracles in my life, and in the lives of those around me that I can see and experience and Praise Him for.

And, no matter what happens in this world, I know that He loves me, He is with me. And, He is watching over me and my family, and my friends daily.

Come quickly, Lord Jesus. I wait for your final deliverance from all of this evil.

My day is always blessed, no matter how I feel.

I hope yours is, too.

What will Jesus find you doing when He comes back?

I got to thinking: If Jesus had come back yesterday, what would He have found me doing? I woke up singing "Noone like Jesus". I sang it all day at work when things were quiet and I was alone...and I sang it loud. LOL At home, I bathed and readied for work, and posted on the internet. At work, I searched for ways to make the best use of my time, and my team's time. I listened to gripes, offered solutions, and shrugged a lot. (I follow the rules, too...LOL). But, when someone called me on the phone needing something, I did what I could to make it happen! Then, I came home, petted my dogs, ate, and watched Netflix, and played Candy Crush. I fell asleep intending to listen to praise and worship music on Pandora...but I didn't make it that far. I was tired. What were YOU doing?

If Jesus comes back right now, what ARE you doing? I woke up contemplating a dream I had last night about buying a house from a questionable character because it was cheap. I wondered what it could mean. I bathed, then hopped in my car, promising my dogs I'd be back with treats. I went to Walmart and arranged to pay my last car payment and withdrew allowance for the next two weeks. Left the rest in the bank for bills. I bought crafts and food. And Pupcorn for the dogs. I keep my promises. I am home now, trying to get people to think about what they might be doing when HE comes back. I'm fixing to go to work again, and serve the public, making sure that disease and sickness doesn't pass from one person to another due to a contaminated environment. Then, I'll come home late at night, and Praise God again, as I relax and wind down for the night. What are you doing? What will you be doing when Jesus comes back? Will He say "Well, done, my good and faithful servant" if He looks at your everyday life?

Will He say that to me?

If this has inspired you, please share it!

Meatloaf

Hello, World!

I woke up and decided to find a new Christian radio station on the Internet to listen to while I make my meatloaf. (Oh, it's gonna be good!!!!!!! I smell it baking now...) I'll make enough to share, because it's gonna be too good not to!

Vitamins. They not only keep you healthy and make you hungry, but lately I've been sleeping good and actually wanting to get out of bed and do things when I wake up. I'm not dragging when I get off work, either. My creativity is creeping back. My emotional health is healthier.

My probationary period for my new position at work is up this week. Guess what? I think I get to keep my job!

I also went ahead and put in for vacation time in October. I will be taking it during the week of my birthday.

My roommate came in and grabbed some clothes. She came in on the 3rd and left again on the 4th. At least she washed the dishes before she left.

Hope your day is as blessed as mine is!

Independence Day, the day after

Independence Day has gone. Normally, on Independence Day, I would have posted many nostalgic writings of how proud I am of my country, or how disappointed I am in where my country is headed, or even historical references as to why it is important to celebrate the 4th of July.

This year, I rarely posted anything at all. I spent the day, rather, trying to help a friend learn to appreciate her independence. I think I failed. I hate failure.

Then, as I was readying myself to celebrate what was left of the day by clocking in for work, a blast from the past wishes me a happy 4th and puts things into perspective for me.

He was right. Never second guess your choices in life. It will drive you crazy. That's practically what my friend was going through, and not where I wanted to be. And, my blessings are far greater than any regrets for what didn't happen...or did.

So, as I move forward, realizing that independence isn't something I should celebrate just once a day in the year, I find myself thankful for the life I am living today, and tomorrow.

I am free. If I were bound by the wrists and ankles in a prison somewhere, I would still be free. How much more blessed can I be?