When a guy says, "Hello, Beautiful" I know he is after something other than my personality, because he doesn't even know me.
Tip:
Get to know me. Go on facebook and check out my timeline. Start a conversation about something I posted in one of my groups. And be sincere about it. Don't just ask a question to get a response. Not happening. You have to peak MY interest.
"Hello Beautiful" is way over-used and just hits me wrong in the beginning. Too familiar.
After you get to know me well, THEN I'll be flattered if you still call me "Beautiful".
An old friend of mine contacted me last night on private message. I was just about to go to bed.
It was a nice conversation, for a change. It was all words, granted, but it sure made me feel better.
There was nothing out of the way. No insinuations or promises to be broken. Just light conversation that was much needed probably for both of us.
And, a reminder of who I was.
I think I needed that more than anything.
It's amazing how a simple, enjoyable conversation with someone can be so refreshing -- and how it can rejuvenate your spirit and remind you of where you are supposed to be.
I woke up this morning, still feeling numb, but I got up and moved around. I got in my car and took the trip to the bank with Pandora blairing Christian music in my headphones.
It was as if every song that came on was meant for me to hear.
It was God talking to me, telling me what I needed to hear.
And I prayed.
I prayed for forgiveness, and I prayed that God would make my reactions as they should be, and that He would revive my "want to". I told Him, honestly, "I don't know how to feel right, right now. I can't control my emotions. I know what is right to do, Lord, so I'm determined to do that, and I give the outcome to You."
The first song that played on Pandora today was "Control" by Tenth Avenue.
It was as if God heard me. It was God telling me He knew how I felt. He understood where I am. And, He loved me, anyway. Here were my instructions.
I know me. I know I am going to mess up again, eventually. But, I also know that He does too.
And, He loves me, anyway.
I got off work an hour ago and came home and realized that I needed to wash clothes. I don't have anything to wear that is clean tomorrow, and I have to work tomorrow.
I was going to go out and sell my Avon, but instead, I'm just going to sit home and relax -- and wash and put away my clothes.
I have decided to focus on my business when I am not at work. No more itching to go out with someone or hanging out with friends. Most people I hang around when I do go out are drama magnets, and I prefer the quiet solitude of just me and God.
And, every guy who has asked me out in the past two years either ONLY wants one thing from me that I can't give anymore without a commitment, or there is something else wrong with him. I'm just not into drunks, drug addicts, financially needy men, swingers, clingers, atheists, agnostics, entitled personalities or Democrats.
That kind've thins out the dating pool too much for me.
I'm just better off staying single and married to Jesus.
I refuse to be used. I don't have that kind of need. And, if I do, I'm not going to take it out in trade with some egotistical, over-confident, or emotionally (or otherwise) unavailable man.
And, my heart cannot take another beating.
So, I'm going to focus on me and God from now on. Maybe someday God will send the miracle I have been praying for. But, I hate to say it, time is no friend to me. And, I am to the point that I believe God doesn't want me to be anything but HIS.
Please save your "Just give it time" and "Don't give up he's out there" speeches. I don't want to hear it and I don't want to argue about it. I am HONESTLY NOT INTERESTED anymore, and it would DEFINITELY take a miracle at this point to get my attention.
I guess I'm just too old -- mentally at least.
So, I look forward to being happy again. There is nothing on earth that can make me more unhappy than wanting something I can't have, and finally losing hope. So now, I just won't hope again. I'm not strong enough to handle the negative consequences anymore.
This is not a pity party, so don't get the wrong idea. This is simply a decision. A FIRM decision.
