Thursday, October 29, 2020

Moving on...

I am in the process of "transforming" myself into something better. I got a new hair cut, started wearing a little make-up, smiling more, engaging in more conversation, going out more, and a myriad of other things that make me different than I was two weeks ago.

I am in no way doing this because I am trying to find someone to be a companion to. I am, however, opening myself up more to finding friends. If I should ever find myself involved in a relationship, it is going to be with someone who I am best friends with, first.

And, I am not trying to be something I am not. I am -- more -- trying to become what I should already be. I was talking to a friend today who is trying to encourage me to go out and find someone. I have another friend who is trying to play matchmaker with me.

I am not interested. I really like my life.

A customer asked me tonight if I was aiming to catch a man with my new "do". I told him, "not at all." He told me if I didn't watch it, I would do it anyway. (He's happily married, so it was a "safe" conversation).

If there's one thing I've learned it's that suffering from heartbreak and suffering from loneliness are two different things.

If I go and get someone else because I'm suffering from heartbreak that's revenge. If I go and get someone because I'm suffering from loneliness that's desperation.

I'm not doing either. Either way it's not fair to the person I'm doing it with.

If I am seeking a relationship it's going to be one that is genuine and real. I don't want to give someone left-overs of who I am . I want to give someone special everything I am.

At least this way, I can honestly say that the man who passes me up has passed up something real.

And, if I never find what it is I am looking for I'll be just as happy. I am all I need to be for me. And, God is everything else.

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