Thursday, September 24, 2020

Looking for a Relationship with Me Rule #1: Hello Beautiful

This guy private messaged me: "Hello, Beautiful!"

How do I respond?

I ignore him.


When a guy says, "Hello, Beautiful" I know he is after something other than my personality, because he doesn't even know me.


Get to know me. Go on facebook and check out my timeline. Start a conversation about something I posted in one of my groups. And be sincere about it. Don't just ask a question to get a response. Not happening. You have to peak MY interest.

"Hello Beautiful" is way over-used and just hits me wrong in the beginning. Too familiar.

After you get to know me well, THEN I'll be flattered if you still call me "Beautiful".

Tuesday, September 22, 2020


An old friend of mine contacted me last night on private message. I was just about to go to bed.

It was a nice conversation, for a change. It was all words, granted, but it sure made me feel better.

There was nothing out of the way. No insinuations or promises to be broken. Just light conversation that was much needed probably for both of us.

And, a reminder of who I was.

I think I needed that more than anything. It's amazing how a simple, enjoyable conversation with someone can be so refreshing -- and how it can rejuvenate your spirit and remind you of where you are supposed to be.

I woke up this morning, still feeling numb, but I got up and moved around. I got in my car and took the trip to the bank with Pandora blairing Christian music in my headphones.

It was as if every song that came on was meant for me to hear.

It was God talking to me, telling me what I needed to hear.

And I prayed.

I prayed for forgiveness, and I prayed that God would make my reactions as they should be, and that He would revive my "want to". I told Him, honestly, "I don't know how to feel right, right now. I can't control my emotions. I know what is right to do, Lord, so I'm determined to do that, and I give the outcome to You."

The first song that played on Pandora today was "Control" by Tenth Avenue.

It was as if God heard me. It was God telling me He knew how I felt. He understood where I am. And, He loved me, anyway. Here were my instructions.

I know me. I know I am going to mess up again, eventually. But, I also know that He does too. And, He loves me, anyway.

Friday, September 18, 2020

Me and Jesus

Hello, World.

I got off work an hour ago and came home and realized that I needed to wash clothes. I don't have anything to wear that is clean tomorrow, and I have to work tomorrow.

I was going to go out and sell my Avon, but instead, I'm just going to sit home and relax -- and wash and put away my clothes.

I have decided to focus on my business when I am not at work. No more itching to go out with someone or hanging out with friends. Most people I hang around when I do go out are drama magnets, and I prefer the quiet solitude of just me and God.

And, every guy who has asked me out in the past two years either ONLY wants one thing from me that I can't give anymore without a commitment, or there is something else wrong with him. I'm just not into drunks, drug addicts, financially needy men, swingers, clingers, atheists, agnostics, entitled personalities or Democrats.

That kind've thins out the dating pool too much for me.

I'm just better off staying single and married to Jesus.

I refuse to be used. I don't have that kind of need. And, if I do, I'm not going to take it out in trade with some egotistical, over-confident, or emotionally (or otherwise) unavailable man.

And, my heart cannot take another beating.

So, I'm going to focus on me and God from now on. Maybe someday God will send the miracle I have been praying for. But, I hate to say it, time is no friend to me. And, I am to the point that I believe God doesn't want me to be anything but HIS.

Please save your "Just give it time" and "Don't give up he's out there" speeches. I don't want to hear it and I don't want to argue about it. I am HONESTLY NOT INTERESTED anymore, and it would DEFINITELY take a miracle at this point to get my attention.

I guess I'm just too old -- mentally at least.

So, I look forward to being happy again. There is nothing on earth that can make me more unhappy than wanting something I can't have, and finally losing hope. So now, I just won't hope again. I'm not strong enough to handle the negative consequences anymore.

This is not a pity party, so don't get the wrong idea. This is simply a decision. A FIRM decision.

I wish you all a very blessed day! MINE IS!

Saturday, August 29, 2020

Tough: If You are Going through Hell, Just Keep on Going!

I was raised that unless I was too sick to get out of bed and walk to the bathroom on my own, I was going to go to school.

I was raised that if I didn't eat all my supper, I'd get it for breakfast.

I was raised that if I whined about anything, I'd get something from my mom to cry about.

I was raised that if I fell down and scraped my knees, rather than being coddled and babied, I was told to get up, dust myself off and keep going.

I was raised that if I didn't work, I didn't eat.

I was raised that if I made my bed, I slept in it.

I was raised that if I wanted something, I had to earn it.

I was raised that if I lost the race, there was no trophy to take home. The only recognition I was afforded was that I didn't stop until I crossed the finish line. If I stopped before then, I was labeled a "quitter" -- whether I won or lost.

I was raised to not have excuses. There is a solution to every problem. Where there is a will there is a way. (Some people wonder where I got my "stubbornness" from).

I was raised not to fight -- but if attacked, and I didn't fight back, I was busted again when I got home. And, if I got into a fight with family, I was forced to fight them until we couldn't fight anymore in the front yard. (Okay, that didn't happen, but it was threatened at one point...LOL)

I was raised that if I was working, and I was tired, not to complain until I was finished with my work. Tiredness was no excuse not to do what needed to be done.

And I was raised without praise for doing my chores. Why be thanked for what I should already be doing in the first place?

I was raised that the ONLY time I went to a doctor was if there was something I could not fix on my own -- like a broken bone, a concussion, or an illness that was getting worse no matter what I was doing, not better.

And a scar was just a permanent trophy of my toughness -- not my beauty, which went hand in hand with "never judge a book by its cover" and "beauty is only skin deep"

I was taught to face my fears and that if I am going through hell, to keep on going.

I have had people tell me I am the strongest person they know.

Well, this is why.

FYI: Toughness isn't something you are born with. It is something you learn.

To hear some people talk, all of the above could be considered child abuse. In my opinion, raising children who refuse to take personal responsibility who are weak-minded and full of complaints and thinking they are entitled is the worse abuse you could put on a child. The American Spirit only thrives in toughness.

Friday, August 28, 2020

Home School Champion

If I was still home schooling, I would have made it mandatory for my children to watch every minute of the Republican National Convention of 2020 AFTER watching the DNC 2020. Then, we would have discussed what we had heard and what their opinions were and why. We would discuss their concerns. I would see through their eyes, then I would give them mine as a result.

I recall when I stood before the Austin Commissioner's Court after Commissioner Karen Sunlightner remarked on television when my children were watching one day that "Homeschoolers are nothing more than trailer trash that don't even own property."

We lived in a beautiful 3 bedroom home with a big back yard that we were buying at the time. My husband worked for one of the biggest law firms in the country.

5 minutes later, I was standing before her demanding that she apologize to my children who were watching her -- while they were still at home, watching their mother defend them AND their education!

I told her that day, "Miss Sunlightner, I am raising my children to be LEADERS, not FOLLOWERS. THAT is why I home school!"

My 5 year old son met me at the door when I drove back into our driveway after. The look in his eyes as he ran and hugged me, I will NEVER EVER FORGET!

"THAT'S MY MOMMA!" they seemed to say!

If I had any question in my mind as to whether or not I did the right thing that day in front of my children, it was answered right then and there.

Below is a rendition of what homeschooling is like for COVID 19 parents. The difference between doing it because you want to and because you have to is right there. I would do it again in a heartbeat. I wouldn't trade the quality time with my kids for the world.

I was a REAL Home School Champion!

Wednesday, August 19, 2020

Pocket Full of Sunshine

Hello, World!

It's been a bit since I updated this blog, hasn't it?

Well, I returned to work at the Pitt Grill, where I am now working the day shift -- and helping to train all of the other shifts to do their job correctly. The manager left, then one assistant manager quit, then the other quit, and I just happened to be the strongest cook they had so I got promoted to day shift -- which I LOVE, by the way!

Today my boss showed me a little bit about how to count the drawers down, which, I haven't done because I am not a waitress - I'm a cook.

I splashed oil from flipping an egg into my face today. My boss just look at me when I hollered out in pain. I told him he should give me a raise for not cussing. LOL I'm just glad I had my glasses on so none of it got in my eyes.

I was afraid I would have a bubble come up on my face, but other than a little discoloration, it didn't happen. I can still feel where it burned me, but it's going to be okay.

Three days ago my computer crashed. I had to sell some of my mutual funds to ensure that I could pay my lot rent on my mobile home so I could buy a new computer -- which seemed impossible. I went to four different stores and none of them had any computers with-in my budget available. Both Walmarts were completely sold out even.

Today after work, I went back to the local Walmart and was happy to see that they actually had some computers available! I bought a Hewlett Packard Laptop.

After setting it up at home, I was finally able to place my Avon order and catch up on some work I have not been able to do online. Still got some catching up to do, but I'm done for the day.

My "imaginary friend" (I call him imaginary because I never get to see him) brought me a burn barrel to burn some yard trash in. I've been making real good use of that on an almost daily basis. Best thing I've acquired in a while, besides my computer!

And, I'm back to buying stocks again. I figure I need to start saving money for things like paying off medical bills and getting my plumbing at home fixed.

I'm in a really good place right now.

I hope I stay there.

Have a blessed day!

Tuesday, August 11, 2020

Why did God tell Hosea to Marry a Prostitute?

I read the book of Hosea, and I have thought and thought about it: WHY in the WORLD would God want Hosea to marry a prostitute? According to the story he had nothing but bad with her.

I can understand that God wanted to teach Hosea to love like God. But for what purpose? What did all this accomplish for anyone but Hosea?

Then, I started thinking about all the things out there that people did saying that they felt they were "led by God", but it didn't turn out so well. And, I remember my pastor at the 1st Bikers Church in Texarkana preaching that we should always be SURE we are being led by God before we act, that God would never lead us to do anything that went against His Will...and you can find His Will in the Bible.

I wonder what scriptures led Hosea to marry a prostitute? (Which also made me wonder if, in fact, maybe all those people who went wayward, thinking they were led by God, may have really been led by God!)

FINALLY, it dawned on me that it wasn't the fact that he married a prostitute that was the lesson -- and aside from learning how to love like God, the assignment wasn't the prostitute AT ALL!


The assignment Hosea was given by God was to TELL THE STORY.


ALL of us have gone and done some pretty wayward things and wondered how God could use our experience to teach a lesson.

The answer is this:

WE ALL HAVE A STORY TO TELL. And it is our story that leads others toward the right paths.

Saturday, August 1, 2020


God knows my heart. I've prayed until my tears can fill up a bucket.

I know God never ignores prayer. There are three answers God can give to any prayer: "Yes". "No." And, "Not right now."

I keep praying that His "No" is just a "Not right now." I also pray for a door to finally shut -- either the door in front of me, or the door behind me.

If the door behind me shuts, I have finally received what I have been praying so fervently for. I can move ahead with new life, and new energy...and new dreams.

I want for that door to shut so much!

If the door in front of me shuts, then I know there is no point in praying more for what I am hoping for. The decision has been made. It's final.

I want for that door to shut just as much!

I also know that God can open closed doors when He wants to. He has proven that to me time and again...but to know that the door in front of me is locked and sealed shut is to accept that I need to move on completely, without looking back at the struggle that got me there. To accept the futility of knocking any more. If it should open again in the future, then I will again be on my knees praying again. But, I want peace in my heart about the prayer for right now.

I just would rather have the pain of finality than the pain of the waiting for an answer.

God, however, expects patience.

I am reminded constantly that I am not God.

Thursday, July 30, 2020


After watching this video, I have come to realize that if I died today, I would die having no regrets, even though I feel I have failed in everything I have done most of my life.

I am reminded that my blessing is that I am able to try.

I am reminded that the worst regret in life is to know you had the opportunity to try, and failed to do so.

Even if you try and fail, where ever you end up is ALWAYS better than what you left behind, even if you have nothing to show for it physically or financially.

Every situation in life is training for the mountain that you haven't arrived at yet. When you finally arrive at that mountain, you should never not try to get to the other side. No matter how you have to accomplish it -- because just accomplishing it makes you stronger, better, and more able to master the next one.

I have done so much in my life. I look back on my life and see that, even though I have nothing to show for it, I have seen and done things that not many people I know have done. I have accomplished quite a bit more than most can say they have.

I have succeeded in becoming who I am.

The true definition of success is not in accomplishing, but trying.

Tuesday, July 28, 2020

Rule # 6 in Direct Selling: Be Consistent

I worked at a restaurant one time with an older lady who was well beyond retirement age. I was no spring chicken, but still had quite a few years left in me. Most of my co-workers were very young people just starting their journey in life on their own. Energy was rampant with them.

One of the complaints I heard often was that the older lady was "so slow." Younger people tend to not have the patience that I had learned in my experienced years already. Yet, before she finished her shift every day, the older lady had all of her work done. Always.

She was also dependable and on time every day.

We knew that we could always count on her because she was "consistent". And, consistency is FAR MORE IMPORTANT than speed.

In direct sales, this rule is no different. Your customers want to buy from someone who can be depended on to deliver. They want someone they can trust -- and that takes consistency.

So, whenever you are having a bad day and a regular customer calls you to make an order, you should ALWAYS present yourself with the same energy that won them over to you in the first place.

This builds trust and nurtures the relationships you grow to have over time with your customers.